Hi Grace,
How was your day? I hope you are doing well.
Yeah I do get notifications when someone replies to a post.
I am working on giving myself the same love, nurture, care and respect that I give to others.
You made a great point in that “you’re your best when you care for you, love you, respect and appreciate you”. Thanks for reminding me of this.
No, I’m not a writer lol. Although I do enjoy writing, anything from casual to blogs/website content to eBooks.
As for my friend...
I’ve reached out to her several more times, but she is not interested right now in fixing the friendship. She doesn’t seem to believe that I care.
I have decided to cease pursuing it. I will keep the doors open, but she now must fight her own battles as I must do myself. She must walk through the doors, I can’t keep chasing my own tail here. This isn't me giving up on her... I never give up on friends. I just recognize that she needs space right now to clear her head.
As far as I know, she isn’t getting therapy. I’m not either. I did see the mental health team; however, I’ve been down this road before in the past with youth workers, a psychologist, psychiatrist, counsellors, a therapist, and GP’s.
I am reconsidering whether or not to see a psychologist and continue with the mental health team. My biochemistry is out of whack at the moment, so I just need to restore it and make some drastic changes in my life. I did it myself before and I'll do it again. I just hope the same formula that worked in the past will work again xD
The reason I slipped back into depression is that it’s a message telling me that I have become stagnant and need to start making drastic changes in my life. I know what I need and desire... I just need to make this happen. While I am not even sure how, I just take one day at a time and try not to think too far into the future, for the future will have its own problems.
I’m glad the session went well with the psychologist. I know it seems overwhelming because of all the work that lies ahead of you. And it can certainly be daunting. I guess if it were easy, everyone would be doing it. One of the “perks” of depression is that it forces you to work on your life. It reminds you not to become complacent or to settle instead of achieving what we really want out of life.
Personal development is a lifelong process. This is good because if our lives were perfect and we had nothing to improve, change, or to strive for, then we would become stagnant, unfulfilled, and probably bored.
I try to think of ourselves as a blank canvas that we can write on. Or a block that we can carve into a masterpiece.
I found this quote that resonated with me…
“Life is life, what you do with it is your story and be sure to make lasting memories along the way”.
Grace, you DO have what it takes and you have it in you to do the work. I know it seems like there is so much to do with so little time. The good news is that we have our entire lives to work on it. Rome wasn’t built in a day and nor should our lives be where we want it to be in a day.
Changing our lives and working on it is never easy. But it can also be exhilarating because we have the freedom to make our lives what we want it to be.
Sure, along the way we will encounter obstacles, some more challenging than others. Depression makes it exceedingly difficult, but depression itself can be very powerful if we utilize it to propel us to achieve the unimaginable. But it does take time and a lot of effort, but the rewards are well worth it if you do persevere.
This is how I try to see it, even though there are some days when all I want to do is give up. I just try to hold on to those thoughts and tell myself over and over till it becomes a conviction.
It does seem quiet here, to be honest. But it’s a good place to share experiences as well as offer and receive support.
I hope your day is as incredible as you. Keep moving forward. We can do this, Grace. Just keep on believing and hold onto that faith. I will be doing the same.
Speak soon.
Spleefy
GraceH wrote:Wednesday 9/13/2017 (my time is 2:37 PM)
Hi Spleefy,
I'm so glad you got my post! I was worried because it's odd on here sometimes, when I'm navigating--I want people to know I am responding. I check this site a couple times a day, always once a day.
Once again, you're writing is just incredible. But, how can you show people this much passion, understanding, joy for others but none for yourself. Oh gosh, Spleefy, come on you can't be this way to yourself! All that love in you needs to go to you first, buddy. You've got to love you. You're your best when you care for you, love you, respect and appreciate you. You DO count. You matter.
Are you a writer? Because lemme tell ya, your writing is quite moving. Please tell me you are at least journaling? This love you have for this girl, asking Roy to check on her, you've got to write your story down. It's really romantic.
Gosh you're the only person who's ask about my day with my psychologist. Even my mom wasn't interested. The session went well, but I was told how MUCH work I have to do to even get a little of my life back on track. And it scares me. I'm truly terrified that I don't have it in me to do all this work, it's just overwhelming. If you say take one day at a time, I might already be doing that. And that's not really helping when I do one day at a time because so much has and needs to done.
So when I respond back to you on here, you'll have a notification sign showing I've responded? Just wondering how this works. I was thinking of sending you a private message on here, not like private but just making sure you knew I got your reply.
Is your friend, that girl, getting help or therapy? I sure hope so. Are you in therapy? I hope so. Does your family appreciate you? I SURE hope so. I really appreciate you taking the time on here. This site is odd in that so many can be in that chat room but on this page it's quiet as a tomb.
Well I hope your Wednesday is amazing. Have an amazing day. Thank you for being kind. I am grateful.
Grace
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Spleefy wrote:GraceH wrote:****************************************
Hi Spleefy,
This has got to be the nicest thing anyone's ever written to me. I don't know what to say. And I'm grateful to hear your story and how things have gone with the loves in your life. I'm sorry someone has left, it sounds like you tried and did everything you could to help and be there for her. I gotta say, wow, the effort you put in there is surely striking.
I'm really stunned at what you've written, to take the time, to be so detailed. I love to write, and I don't think I could write what you've written.
I'll say it again, I'm sorry a friend has lost trust in you and left. It is possible she'll return, when she's better, you think? I really hope so. Sounds like she has a great friend in you, and something is hurting in her, so she needs this time to process how she's feeling and what she's going through? Possibly?
Yes it's true depression blocks so much, drives away all that can be good, lies to us, betrays us, and drives away a lot of people. Least in my life it has.
I actually believe you when you say people do care about me. I mean, my nephew cares about me. You took the time. It would be nice to have friends. I'm seeing a psychologist tomorrow, my second visit, I'll believe with her help I can be that person who makes friends and doesn't leave them before they leave me. I would write more, but I'm truly going back to your post to read it again. I hope the words THANK YOU portray my gratitude and appreciation. --Grace
Hiya Grace,
How did it go with the psychologist? It's good that you are also talking to someone experienced in helping people with depression and other similar experiences.
As for my friend, I have been asking our common friends to keep me updated on how she is coping. Yesterday, I asked my friend, Roy, to ask her to give me a chance to talk to her. But she did not want to.
Roy and I spoke about how to best help her. Since she has cut me off completely at the moment, I asked Roy to just give her love, be there for her, talk to her every day, even if it's just to ask how her day was. Just remind her often how much we all love her and care about her.
She is slowly becoming distant from all of us and I don't want this to happen. She needs people in her life and depression makes you self-sabotage. This is what she is doing and I will be damned if I will let her do this to herself. She may have given up, but I REFUSE to throw in the towel on her.
As you say, once she's had time to process it she will in a better headspace to see that we all care about her. And while I may no longer have direct contact with her, our common friends will keep me updated. I'll do everything I can behind the scenes and make sure to pull us all together. I told Roy that's what we need to do -- unite together. No matter how much she pushes us away, we
must stay united.
I can see some of the others getting a little annoyed with her being distant, but I just keep reminding them that it's the depression and not her that is doing this and to never give up on her, no matter what. The depression is making her self-sabotage and it is clouding her judgement. Just keep injecting love until she finds her way back to us.
We must be the light in her darkness because she is not being her own light at the moment. Then, when she does find her way back to us, we can help her to shine in her own light once again. One of the things I admire about her is her strength and resilience. I know she will get through this and be better than ever!
Thank you for your kind words, Grace. And I'm really proud of you for having the strength to work on your life. Having people in our lives is important. If I'm feeling vulnerable, for whatever reason, I tend to push people away to avoid being hurt. But this is just me self-sabotaging out of fear. Depression just exacerbates the fear because we tend to...
Catastrophize. Be cynical. Overthink situations.
I really do believe it's important that we work on the relationship we have with ourselves. After all, if we are able to work on the relationship we have with others, why not ourselves?
I go to the ends of the earth for anyone I love and care about. There is no sacrifice I would not make for them. That's just how I roll. However, ironically I never do this for myself...
I am not even my own best friend.
I don't even love myself.
This is not love in a conceited way, but to love ourselves like you would someone else that you care about.
I hope these are words that will give you something to think about and be of use to you. I, personally, need to keep reminding myself of this every day because I'm so accustomed to neglecting myself.
You will have friends in your life and people who care about you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You have a warm and nurturing tone to your writing, which reflects on you as a person. People will be lucky to have a friend like you in their lives. Just trust that things will work out and the dots will connect.
If you really want to show appreciation, then promise me this...
Promise me that you will never give up. Keep trying. Keep making that effort. I believe in you, Grace. And please keep me updated with how you are going, both good or bad. I will always listen.
Spleefy