New here

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doolie3408
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2017 3:48 pm

New here

Postby doolie3408 » Sat Aug 12, 2017 4:09 pm

Hi everyone. I just joined today. I have never been a member of any board or forum like this. I have been a member of a bodybuilding and workout forum so I know the basic structure though.
I'm a 32 year old male, father of 3 kids. A 8 year old boy, and 3.5 year old boy/girl twins. I have had depression and anxiety as long as I can remember. I first started meds for it at about 10 years old. Back then, I was diagnosed with ADD and given Ritalin. That didn't last long. All the years since then I have tried about every type of antidepressant there is with no luck, and a couple non-narcotic antianxiety meds with same outcome. A couple different mood stabilizers as well. Most meds make me feel worse so I usually go a couple years off them until I can't take it anymore, then try something new. I self medicated with pain pills for years and became a full blown addict. For the last 2 years I've been clean from drugs, but addicted to Kratom. An all natural pain killer/antianxiety tree leaf from Asia. It's still a strong addiction though, and is always pulling me down, but with it I am able to be the most productive than ever so it's a catch .22. But that's still not very productive.
I just separated from my wife of 9 years, and the mother of all my kids about a month ago. I technically left, but she wanted me to, and no longer wants to be with me or try to work things out. She has even already went out with another guy. This situation is absolutely crushing!!! The constant pain inside me is horrible! All I can do is think about all the memories of being with her. She was my everything. I am so alone and depressed more than ever now. I moved to where I live from NC, so I literally have no friends. The only people I associated with were my wife's friends. I do have my mom up here where I live, but we just aren't super close like that. Every single day is a rollercoaster of tortures thoughts and feelings. I really have no idea what to do. Every day is sooooo long and hard. I figured maybe joining here and typing some of this out would be a start. Thanks for reading. If anyone has any questions at all, ask away. Thank you.

michaariko
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:42 am

Re: New here

Postby michaariko » Tue Aug 15, 2017 6:33 am

Hello. I hope you will feel a lot better after joining this forum. I realized that writing about my frustrations and my thoughts I could not tell others as much as I wished makes me feel a bit better. Even if it is not online, writing it in pen and paper would keep you busy I think it is a nice way to start don't you think? I wished you a good day today.


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