New and Blue

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leahc123
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jul 24, 2017 6:25 am

New and Blue

Postby leahc123 » Mon Jul 24, 2017 6:46 am

Good morning!!

Well...I haven't slept at all because of a rough weekend. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for a while and instead of easing up after the holidays, it's just gotten worse and worse. I'm 38 and I've never been married and don't have children. I try to make myself feel better by telling myself that it's great that I've owned my own home for over 3 years and have held on to it even after getting laid-off and having to begin a whole new career. It seems like nothing helps these days.
My parents have been married 9 times between the two of them, so I feel like I would be too terrified to get married even if I was able to find someone. I can't make any relationship work even with the nicest of guys.
Most of my close friends are married with children and have less and less time to even communicate with me via text. Aside from my dogs, I really don't have anyone that I'm close to and they sure don't talk back. My sister lives hours away and has teenage girls and doesn't have time to sit and listen to my problems. I can literally sit in my house for days and have almost no one even say hello. I didn't get out of bed the entire weekend and that happens frequently. I have trouble even getting up and going to work each day. Sometimes I don't and it's beginning to cause trouble for me in the work place. My boss has been very understanding, but his patience is wearing thin. It's very difficult for him to really get where I'm coming from and even more difficult for me to explain without totally breaking down.
I don't ever think of harming myself, but I do feel like I have no purpose. I have no one who needs me or even thinks of me every day. I'm an insurance agent and don't do anything special for others. I feel like I'm going to be this way forever...lost and making no real contribution to anyone or anything.
Even typing this makes me feel like I'm whining and being ungrateful for what I do have. Thanks for reading and for any encouragement you can give me.

SuZQ154
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed May 03, 2017 6:06 pm

Re: New and Blue

Postby SuZQ154 » Mon Jul 24, 2017 8:17 pm

You sound responsible and understand yourself! Reaching out on this site is a step at trying to get better! That is wonderful.
Sorry you are feeling low. Your feelings of sadness and fear of marriage are understandable because of the situation you described and your parents' history. When I have felt similar feelings, a book that helped me was Beth Moore's "Get Out of the Pit". You might want to check it out at http://bit.ly/2vCWEbl. Hope this helps and keep reaching out!!


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