everything is coming to an end

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Chihiro
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Jul 05, 2017 11:20 am

everything is coming to an end

Postby Chihiro » Tue Jul 18, 2017 4:57 pm

I just found out my mom and I were denied the student loan I needed to go back to college, and the only other cosigner I have is my step-dad. We are going to apply one last time but if we don't get loans I am going to have to drop out of school. I would join the army reserves to get college paid for, but I doubt I would pass the psyc. eval. plus I have asthma which usually gets you disqualified off the bat, from what I've heard. I have no idea what I'm going to do, and on top of it all I'm worried my significant other is going to break it off. Everything is just starting to feel like I'm drowning and turning numb. I have always wanted to be an animator but without school I don't think I would be able to teach myself or be able to afford the software my school provides for free. If I can't continue school I feel like I've lost my identity and have no idea how to pick up the pieces from everything that is about to shatter. My close friends are worried I might try to commit suicide and I really don't blame them. Where do I go from here?

littlestarsmum
Posts: 101
Joined: Tue May 16, 2017 11:36 pm

Re: everything is coming to an end

Postby littlestarsmum » Wed Jul 19, 2017 1:11 am

I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. I know how difficult and frustrating it must be for you and your family right now. Life can be stressful and overwhelming at times. Don’t get stressed out and don’t be hard on yourself. I just said a prayer for you, and I hope that God will work out everything good for you and provide for all your needs. I’d also suggest that you get some help with any delay. Talk to someone about how you’re feeling. Are you seeing a therapist? Remember that you deserve to feel better and you don’t need to carry your burdens alone. Stay strong. Hugs!

Chihiro
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Jul 05, 2017 11:20 am

Re: everything is coming to an end

Postby Chihiro » Thu Jul 20, 2017 11:02 am

littlestarsmum wrote:I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. I know how difficult and frustrating it must be for you and your family right now. Life can be stressful and overwhelming at times. Don’t get stressed out and don’t be hard on yourself. I just said a prayer for you, and I hope that God will work out everything good for you and provide for all your needs. I’d also suggest that you get some help with any delay. Talk to someone about how you’re feeling. Are you seeing a therapist? Remember that you deserve to feel better and you don’t need to carry your burdens alone. Stay strong. Hugs!


My boyfriend broke up with the day after that post, I'm about to start therapy in 2 days. I'm heavily depressed and having a lot of panic attacks, but I let my friends and family know that I'm not in a good place right now. I'm trying my best to hang in there but it feels like each day is getting worse and harder to deal with. I just hope all the support I have keeps me going for now, and thankyou for the reply!

ImJohn
Posts: 46
Joined: Thu Jul 20, 2017 7:42 am

Re: everything is coming to an end

Postby ImJohn » Fri Jul 21, 2017 7:57 am

You've been very brave and done the right thing in seeking support. You should give yourself a pat on the back for recognising what's going on in your life (and within yourself) and doing something about it. I'm sorry about your break up - but if it can't work through the bad times then perhaps it's best to find out now. You could have wasted years thinking you had something special only to find out that when the going gets tough the relationship collapses to. I hope the therapy is working for you. I hope this site helps too. For one thing it shows you're not alone. There are some really good people here who try to help others despite their own depression and anxiety. Things change - that's how life works. You can find meaning and identity in all sorts of ways not just through a career. It sounds like you have quite a few friends and being a friend to those friends yourself is part of your identity. Take things a day at a time and you may well find that, when you look back, this was not an end but a new beginning.

cmishima
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Jun 20, 2017 1:08 am

Re: everything is coming to an end

Postby cmishima » Fri Jul 21, 2017 10:35 pm

Hi Chihiro! Is there anyway you take a break from school a bit and get a part-time job..? I am sorry this idea is quite basic and if you already have one and still needed a fund. I'm from Japan and love anime! And I wanted to become one when I was little, so I can relate to you. But many great animators in Japan actually don't have a lot of education and they just drew millions since they were young which led them to be a successful animator. Besides, when they start off, they work like 100 hours a week but only get paid like $500-$700 a MONTH... (If they are assistants for famous animators and basically it's just for them to learn the skills and earn connections though). Going to school is really a great idea and I encourage you to pursue, but I just want you to remind yourself that money don't make you be successful. It only helps you to continue going to school.. Actually I am really struggling with school tuition now, but I have three jobs and trying to support myself.. but it turned out to worsen my depression though.. I don't recommend you to kick your butt off and work work work anything like that, but, please don't give up on everything because of money! >:(

ayoung73
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Jul 19, 2017 5:56 pm

Re: everything is coming to an end

Postby ayoung73 » Thu Jul 27, 2017 12:45 am

Is it safe to say your ‘step-dad’ is unwilling to help or that there is some animosity between the two of you? Have you been to a recruiter, I know they have recently let go of several outdated thoughts about asthma and other health related issues. Keep your head up, there are so many other avenues to explore, getting a part or full-time job and going to school full/part-time, paying for one class at a time…I know, it isn’t ideal at all, I tried doing this but it was excruciatingly slow, but it took me to a time when I was able to secure a few loans and I was able to attend a full-time school! Are you going through the Federal Student Aid website? That’s where I finally got approved.

Don’t talk about suicide, I know its dark right now and your dream isn’t able to be realized because of several roadblocks, but there is so much out there, search the web, there are so many people out there to help you, in addition to that, you stated you had friends, turn to them for help. Everyone falls; I have, a few million times, but brush yourself off and get back up. I will pray for you and your situation.

Chihiro
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Jul 05, 2017 11:20 am

Re: everything is coming to an end

Postby Chihiro » Fri Jul 28, 2017 11:53 am

hey everyone, thanks for the replies. I have already been working part time while going to school and I don't make nearly enough, not even if I had 2 full time jobs would I make enough. The school is $40,000 a year and they expect each semester to be paid off before you finish. I say this because unless I found and got a job that pays more than that in a year its impossible, plus from what I've found any job that I am capable of that pays more than that, doesn't pay it starting out and requires a college degree already. As for my parents, my dad flat out refuses and is willing to see me drop out. My mom and step-dad don't want that and are willing to co-sign, however they are dragging their feet about it. I could go back to online classes, but I feel like its a bad idea because instead of being done in 3 years im looking at, at least 12 years. I don't want to keep prolonging things. That and I just cant stay at home for long. It always makes my depression worse. I haven't talked to a recruiter, but I'm thinking about it. I still don't think I'd pass the psyc. evaluation since I've tried suicide in the past and am currently becoming that bad again. I'm having a hard time eating anything and I have anxiety before I go to bed, and then I wake up feeling super depressed and even if I'm not tired I spend 3 hours extra, on and off sleeping because I don't want to get up and face myself.


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