I'm Scared I'm depressed...
Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2017 9:05 am
Just the thought of actually typing me is making me overwhelmed. I keep telling myself I feel down because of external factors but it doesn't matter whether bad or good things happen, I always have this feeling that nothing will ever change, that I will never know what it means to live without this feeling of emptiness all the time. I don't want to talk to my friends or my parents about it, I know they would try to help and understand but I don't even understand why I feel this way. I don't want to talk to anyone I know, that would just make me feel worse that they know how I'm feeling. I put a mask on every day and I pretend everything's ok and it's exhausting, more times than not the best moment of the day for me is when I go to sleep because I know I won't have to be awake at least for some time... the worst thing is my parents telling me how I used to be such a happy child, I know they sense I'm feeling down but I never want to talk about it. My dad suffered from depression and I feel like I understand what he was going through... but then I feel so silly thinking I could be depressed when I don't have any actual reasons to be...
I'm scared to find out that I suffer from depression... I feel like since there is nothing really bad going on my in life I shouldn't be feeling this way and it makes me feel guilty. I've read the symptoms and warning signs and it scares me even more to find out that I feel most things on that list... a lot of websites suggest talking to friends but I don't see how that would help... the next step would be to see a professional but having something like depression being confirmed is also scary for me...
I feel like I need confirmation that what I'm feeling is normal, that I'm not depressed... how do I know if I'm just a sad person or I suffer from depression? I've felt like this for years but I just don't understand if it's just my personality or it's something bigger. What if this is just who I am and nothing will ever change that?
Writing this has made me feel worse because I can see the words I wrote and it makes everything more real... I don't even know what I'm looking for here but it's like I need to know that I'm normal and I should just keep on pretending... if that even makes sense.
I'm scared to find out that I suffer from depression... I feel like since there is nothing really bad going on my in life I shouldn't be feeling this way and it makes me feel guilty. I've read the symptoms and warning signs and it scares me even more to find out that I feel most things on that list... a lot of websites suggest talking to friends but I don't see how that would help... the next step would be to see a professional but having something like depression being confirmed is also scary for me...
I feel like I need confirmation that what I'm feeling is normal, that I'm not depressed... how do I know if I'm just a sad person or I suffer from depression? I've felt like this for years but I just don't understand if it's just my personality or it's something bigger. What if this is just who I am and nothing will ever change that?
Writing this has made me feel worse because I can see the words I wrote and it makes everything more real... I don't even know what I'm looking for here but it's like I need to know that I'm normal and I should just keep on pretending... if that even makes sense.