Introductions and welcomes.
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I'm 18 and I've experienced off and on depression for 5 years, I'm in a particularly bad stretch of it right now that's lasted over a year. I've seen a therapist for all 5 years and been to a psychiatrist and i've tried 8 different medicines and so far absolutely nothing has made any difference. These past couple of weeks things have gotten worse and worse, I can't stop thinking how completely useless and stupid I am, overanalyzing every aspect of any interaction with anybody and always feeling terrible about everything. I'm in an absolutely unbearable amount of mental pain and it feels like I'm stuck in my own head with no escape. With a physical injury, things are easy, you can go to the doctor or stay home from school or work and you always know that you'll eventually get better. Mental illness is a completely different story however, I feel like there is very little hope of me ever getting better and thought of that never happening is terrifying. I think about ending everything, not because people would be better off without me, but because the pain is too great for me too handle anymore. All I can think about is how I would do it, what I would look, and how my friends and family would react. These thoughts haven't gone away for years and they're torturing me. Help.
Hello, Thanks for reaching out for support and I greatly appreciate your strength. I know that it’s tough and it may be difficult to see your strength at times and that others care about you. Depression makes a person feel this way, and these are not your feelings. I care and I am here to support you. Please continue to see your psychiatrist as he/she knows what is best for you for medicines and coping. It’s understandable that it can become discouraging with the many medicines. But, the psychiatrist is going to do what is best for you. Please continue to share with him/her your feelings with what's taking place in your life and how the med makes you feel. I am inspired by how you posted for help in this situation; I see your efforts and I am proud of your progress. I believe you need to try activities to help you with your mental pain these can be with others and alone. For example, yoga, sports, running, going for walks, meditation, music, going out, breathing exercises. Remember to eat regularly, exercise and get an adequate amount of sleep. These will help your depression. Additionally, you can seek some coping from the psychiatrist. I know that your life is worth the fight. Please give yourself a chance and don’t hurt yourself. You’ll clearly a strong person and have your whole life ahead of you and things will get better. I would like to develop a safety plan with you for you to stay away from anything that would hurt or harm yourself. Please keep someone near you and let them know to put away and discard objects that will hurt or harm you. Please make and keep a list of numbers with you of psychiatrist, family, friends, pastor and etc who you can contact immediately when you feel suicidal. Lastly, I have two numbers for you; I want you to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). It’s a 24- hour confidential hotline. They can talk to you when you feel this way and help with preventive measures. Also, you can call; The Samaritans it’s a 24-hour confidential hotline at (212) 673-3000. The Samaritans is there for suicide and in the event of any crisis. They are there any time you need to talk with someone and this can be used it between your therapy sessions. We are here for you anytime. Hugs!
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