Hi, I'm new and need a friend
Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2017 6:50 pm
Hello everyone,
I'm new here and have never posted to a forum before. I am a female 43 years old and have had anxiety since childhood and depression for over 20 years. I lost my father at the age of 5 from a heart attack and my mother was very guarded with her affection. I have 2 older brothers, one of which is adopted. He hated me my whole life and I was the object of his rage after my dad passed away. At the age of 11 I started experiencing severe anxiety when I found out we were moving and I would have to change schools. I suffered for over a year with nausea and vomiting daily. I don't have much self esteem or self confidence and find it hard to reach out to people. I love my real brother and I'm very close to him and have talked to him many times in the past. I guess I just don't want to burden him again because I know he will worry about me. I have taken many different meds to help with the anxiety and depression and some will help a little. I am medicated now but I'm also facing some marital problems. I have been married for 21 years and I have 2 kids, a 20 year old son away at college and a 16 year old daughter. I have not had an easy marriage and my husband was diagnosed ADHD in his 30's. He has had issues with alcohol off and on our whole marriage and its starting again. He is a very closed off person and has little interest in anything but his issues, watching football and drinking. Therefore, I don't have many people to talk to about anything, much less how to cope better with my own issues and be a good mom to my kids. I have always been the responsible one to make sure they were taken care of. He is the only one that works, and that leaves me with guilt but I really don't know how I would have raised the kids and worked too. Oh, I need to mention that he travels out of country at times for work. He will usually be gone 8 weeks at a time...he's been doing that for 18 years.
I guess my issue is that I find it hard so often to keep myself positive. I don't receive much positive feedback from anyone except the love I receive from my kids. I often feel taken for granted and just overlooked and worthless. Any advice would be helpful. I have seen counselors and worked through the death of my dad which i never grieved for and touched on other family things but i dont think they are resolved. I'm sure going back would help, just getting it arranged through insurance is a hassle because my husband has to do it. So, if there's anyone out there that could just send positive words my way, I would be grateful.
I'm new here and have never posted to a forum before. I am a female 43 years old and have had anxiety since childhood and depression for over 20 years. I lost my father at the age of 5 from a heart attack and my mother was very guarded with her affection. I have 2 older brothers, one of which is adopted. He hated me my whole life and I was the object of his rage after my dad passed away. At the age of 11 I started experiencing severe anxiety when I found out we were moving and I would have to change schools. I suffered for over a year with nausea and vomiting daily. I don't have much self esteem or self confidence and find it hard to reach out to people. I love my real brother and I'm very close to him and have talked to him many times in the past. I guess I just don't want to burden him again because I know he will worry about me. I have taken many different meds to help with the anxiety and depression and some will help a little. I am medicated now but I'm also facing some marital problems. I have been married for 21 years and I have 2 kids, a 20 year old son away at college and a 16 year old daughter. I have not had an easy marriage and my husband was diagnosed ADHD in his 30's. He has had issues with alcohol off and on our whole marriage and its starting again. He is a very closed off person and has little interest in anything but his issues, watching football and drinking. Therefore, I don't have many people to talk to about anything, much less how to cope better with my own issues and be a good mom to my kids. I have always been the responsible one to make sure they were taken care of. He is the only one that works, and that leaves me with guilt but I really don't know how I would have raised the kids and worked too. Oh, I need to mention that he travels out of country at times for work. He will usually be gone 8 weeks at a time...he's been doing that for 18 years.
I guess my issue is that I find it hard so often to keep myself positive. I don't receive much positive feedback from anyone except the love I receive from my kids. I often feel taken for granted and just overlooked and worthless. Any advice would be helpful. I have seen counselors and worked through the death of my dad which i never grieved for and touched on other family things but i dont think they are resolved. I'm sure going back would help, just getting it arranged through insurance is a hassle because my husband has to do it. So, if there's anyone out there that could just send positive words my way, I would be grateful.