existential

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martymart1979
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 12:54 pm

existential

Postby martymart1979 » Fri Dec 30, 2016 12:56 pm

Can someone give me some advice. Preferably more than just find religion or try meds. Anyways, I'll try to make a long story short. I have struggled with ocd all my life. Moved to Boise 8 years ago, started ruminating about deep existential stuff (time, aging, death, existence etc...) and it finally wore me down, had a bad panic attack and started experiencing derealization. Had moments where I thought I was improving, but the last couple of years after a break up and extreme isolation, my obsessive fear of aging, death and the afterlife (or lack of ) has consumed me. I'm filled with dread and panic all day everyday and I can't get over it because those things are inevitable. I moved back home to Colorado hoping that being close to family would help, but I feel worse. I feel like a failure, I've been gone so long I feel out of place and disconnected, derealization makes my surroundings feel bizarre and scary, the thought of working and carrying on in society seems unbearable, I'm terrified of the future, getting old death etc... I feel like my life is flying by and over before I got to do anything. I'm 37. I really feel like I can't go on and have forgotten how to be human. I'm so terrified of existence and mortality. I don't want to fear growing old, I want to live a long happy life with my girlfriend. I'm so afraid I'm going to lose her because of these fears and anxiety. I would never do anything stupid, but I don't know why I can't function and handle life anymore. I feel like it's too late to do anything with my life and I fear and dread what is to come. I don't know what to do. I want to look forward to a future, but I feel like a sinking ship. Like all my firsts are now becoming lasts, running out of time, health is going to fade, loved ones are going to die etc... It's so painful and scary. I can't believe I have gotten this bad. I used to be carefree and brave...

Helloraspberries1
Posts: 260
Joined: Wed May 25, 2016 2:11 pm

Re: existential

Postby Helloraspberries1 » Sun Jan 01, 2017 9:01 am

Hi, sorry to hear what your going through. I can understand how you feel.

I know being in a relationship is hard. Relationships are hard and need time and commitment for it to work which I still don't understand myself how to do that.

It sounds like the relationship had it's tool on you. Do you know why it didn't work out and what went wrong?

I know your not feeling yourself right now but things do get better but talking about does help. Have you been to a doctor or anything? Have you tried counselling? I know that must be anxious enough.

You got time to sort things out. Your a human being and a good person. You need to talk about it if you can.

Please keep reaching it


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