I'm new

[mom]

Hi, I'm new. I signed up a couple weeks ago but have just had the courage to post. How do some of you handle change? I recently started a new job, IF I'm doing it correctly, it's perfect. Haven't been told I'm doing anything wrong, in fact some say I'm a great asset. I also substitute teach. The other job is very flexible. I also have 4 children (all in school) and a fantastic husband. I am blessed beyond measure. The problem is I have experienced more panic attacks (Sam's club didn't have a certain brand of coffee), self questioning, doubt and guilt along with being tired and unable to focus as well as I know I can. I've struggled with major depression for years but was a stay at home mom so no job to worry about. I've also been "stable" for a few years now, some minor episodes here and there but nothing like the hell I was in before. It's beginning to feel like my insides/brain are being pulled around like silly putty, stretched, twisted and turned inside out over and over. So full of questions and no idea which questions are real or fabricated due to my mental health. Just wanted to put this out there in a safe place and hope maybe someone might have advice and/or know what this is like. Thanks

[MarcyK]

Hi, there. I'm new here, too, and just wanted to offer some support. I definitely do know how you feel. I have been in the same situation as you with the more frequent panic attacks. When you said Sam's Club didn't have a certain brand of coffee, it just rang a major bell for me. I know exactly how you feel. I guess I am not necessarily great at dealing with change either. A lot of times when change happens in my life, that is when my depression and anxiety worsen as well. I think usually I deal with it by throwing myself into busy work...for example, the last big change in my life was a move to a new city, which made depression and anxiety worse, and I dealt with it by throwing myself into the work of unpacking, getting everything put away/set up, transferring over utilities and all that sort of stuff. Having something to focus on and something specific to work on was really what helped me in that case because I could channel it into something. Of course, that isn't always possible, and it doesn't work for everyone, but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone...I definitely get how you feel and am offering support. You're in my thoughts. Hope that helps at all!