So... I guess I'm new here. Hi!

[Ryuokami]

Hey all, I'm Tali. I'm really unfamiliar with all of this, so sorry if I say something weird!

About me.. I'm a 21 years old college student. I've been diagnosed with Asperger (Apparently they diagnosed me at age 9 but my parents only told me about that a year ago) and ADD which doesn't really improve my depression-circumstances. I've first been diagnosed with depression at the age of 13, later once again at 20. Somewhere in-between I had a fairly calm period that was however filled with anxiety and paranoia over things in my past. I'm overall severely anxious and paranoid over social circumstances and have lots of difficulties with these. Making friends is hell to me, keeping friends near impossible. Social interaction as a whole drains a whole lot of energy from me. I've dealt with bullying and neglection from classmates on out since kindergarten, to make a long story short.

The first time I dealt with depression, I was too stubborn to accept medicine and my parents were opposed to seeing psychiatrists and all of that, so I wasn't really treated for it. They had me enter some assertivity courses but that was about it. It was a change of environment that made things a little easier on me back then. Now I've been diagnosed once more, I've been seeing a psychologist, a psychiatrist who has tried two different antidepressants on me so far (to no avail), I've talked to a therapist but due to circumstances haven't been able to sign up with their sessions, I tried talking to instances that aid young people with issues and whatnot, but so far, it feels like I've tried just about anything, and nothing helped me atall. I at most felt worse due to things like visiting the psychologist. I came to this forum hoping to find some advice online, some tips on how I could improve my life?
Getting sympathy from others and this generic "Your situation is sad but no one can help you" makes me miserable as can be. I truly hope to find some advice on how to actually fix my life, and if that is impossible, to at least make it bearable. As it currently is, everything is just one big disappointment, a drag, and too much effort to waste my time on. I really hope that I can end this cycle of misery somehow, and if any of you has some tip, I'd love to hear it.

Thanks, and sorry for taking up your time!

[Ryuokami]

Perhaps important for me to add in; The two greatest and actual only joys in my life are the one true friend I have, he's been my best friend for 10 years now, we've been dating for the past 5 years, and animals. I have this strange adoration for animals, dogs and wolves in special, where I can completely relax when surrounded with them. Whereas being near a human stresses me out, I get strangely relaxed when there's an animal, even when it's a dog all ready to attack me, I get comfortable. As for my friend/boyfriend; Unfortunately we have been getting in a lot of fights the past year, which is contributing to my depression in a negative way. Before he was one of the only two sources that worked as a sort of antidepressant to me, and now he is one of the fuels that feeds said depression. I try my hardest to talk things over and communicate properly with him all the time, but then asperger kicks in and I simply mess up, saying weird or harsh things that are painful to him, or things that make sense to me, won't ever make any sense to him atall. I really hope I can fix things up with him regardless so at least he won't worsen my depression, though our situation isn't the thing that triggered depression in the first place. I suppose it is a mixture of my continuously horrible social circumstances, as well as college not working out well for me, to the point where it's a daily fight and struggle.