I need to make sense out of my life

[misleean]

First off I've been depressed for many years now. Known it just alteast 6 years but been feeling this way since I was a child. I went on meds for alittle while til my job cut off my insurance and didnt make enought in state to get any help with finding more. So for over 2 years now I've suffered through every crying,dark moment all by myself. There are always someone who will listen to you at first but they get tired of you wining about your life sucks and nothing ever gets better. so they either make excuses or tell you to suck up or put your big girl panties on and get over it. I've had a boyfriend for many years now that is disable and hes did his part to try to make me feel better or keep me from doing something like hurt myself. but his done now I cant talk to him about how i'm feeling or to find away to fix me. it doesnt matter how my day went or im feeling like im going crazy b/c all i do is talk to myself just to get the words out so they dont just burst out of me. he's disable and cant work so i have to be the bread winner. i need to go to my job even if i cry the whole night or that it takes everything i have within myself to even get out of bed. no i have no choice now its my duty to be the strong one suck it up and do it. THAT NEVER WORKS if it gets you just a moment of peace it doesnt fix the real issue im unhappy im sick in my mind cant get any help from a professial and im running out of time before i just cant fit anymore inside my body. my question is how much can on person take when everything seems to be out to destory you? where is this "good luck" others seem to just be born with it? and where can i get some before theres no one here to get it?
Thanks everyone who reads this for your time. theres many other problems going on with me from not having anyone to talk to or for the ones i can talk to they dont want to hear what i need to say to. trying to survive in our world where you can never make enough money but thats enough of my darkness out have to keep it under control at all times. it wants to destory me after all. Thanks again

[100footpole]

(((Hugs)))

[defeated]

Welcome to the forum misleean,

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. *hugs* Are you currently seeking professional help? Sometimes venting to a therapist can help a lot. Also you are more than welcome to vent here whenever you need to.

Hang in there.