Hi, everyone. Thought I'd come and introduce myself. I'm fifty-one, single with no kids or husband. I'm the youngest of four older siblings ranging in ages from 11 years old to 17 years older. Both parents are deceased. I currently work for an insurance company.
As a kid, I grew up in an abusive household, both physically and sexually. I was always a sad and depressed little girl. Even at the age of two you could see in my pictures that I was very sad and sadness and depression is all I have ever known. They've been my closest friends next to fear, pain and loneliness. I don't think anyone in my life has ever truly understood me or what I was going thru. It's always been easier for them to deal with it by walking away from me.
I don't have anything to do with my siblings because of my abuse because they refuse to admit they did anything wrong to me. Plus, they've abused their own children and still they don't admit they have a problem. I haven't heard from any of them since 1994.
I don't have any friends anymore. The last friend I had was in 2003. I'm not much into anything, hobby-wise or entertainment-wise, I guess. I'm pretty boring person. I do like plants and fish. I belong to several fish forums but I'm not very active there. It's just to hard a job to make friends for me.
Well, I guess that's it for now. I guess I'll see if coming here helps. I haven't had much luck with therapist or drugs either.
Another Newbie
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Emotional_77
- Posts: 850
- Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2008 12:21 pm
- Location: Ontario, Canada
Welcome to the site SoulInDespair, I hope this site works well for you. A lot of the people on here are friendly and supportive, I am sure you will be making tons of friends in the next few days. Sorry to hear about your past, its awful to go through any type of abuse. *hugs you for that*
take care of yourself.
take care of yourself.
welcome soulindespair, i know what you mean about depression being your friend and lonilness and hatred etc also being with you always. i have a husband who has for some reason stuck by me but my only friends are my guinea pigs as when anyone tries to get cose i hurt them before they can hurt me. as for family i see mum's brother but that is it. hoping this site helps you and that you can heal your pain and you sure you are not from oz? you sound so much like me it is scarey. hang in their and know you are not alone!
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SoulInDespair
- Posts: 38
- Joined: Thu Sep 25, 2008 6:37 pm
- Location: In Hell
Hey, Sigmund! I can relate. My only friends are my fish. Either I do something to chase friends away or I chose friends who aren't right for me. It's almost like I set myself up by picking these people who are wrong for me so that I end up getting rejected by them and then I can hate myself because I can't find anyone who will care about me.
Sometimes, I look back and wonder. "Did I ever have any real friends"? Or "did I just think I did". Everyone who I've ever known has walked away from me. I envy you a husband that has stuck by you. He must see something worthwhile in you. I wish I had someone who saw me as worthwhile
and stuck by me. But I guess I'm not worth the effort. So many people consider relationships desposible so if they find something wrong with someone. They just throw them away and get a new friend. Where's the loyalty? Where the commitment? You invest 8 plus years on someone and they want to throw it all away just because you had some recent problems with each other?? What about the other eight years where you got along perfectly? Did that not count for anything??
That's another reason why I stopped making friends. My friends make some very serious mistakes with me and I forgive them but when it comes my turn they turn their back on me. No discussion. No working it out. Just gone. Like the friendship never happened.
Sorry, I got into a rant there. As you can tell this is a sore spot for me. So, nope no new friends for me. It ain't worth the headache and heartach anymore. Not that people been knocking my door down to become my friend.
Sometimes, I look back and wonder. "Did I ever have any real friends"? Or "did I just think I did". Everyone who I've ever known has walked away from me. I envy you a husband that has stuck by you. He must see something worthwhile in you. I wish I had someone who saw me as worthwhile
and stuck by me. But I guess I'm not worth the effort. So many people consider relationships desposible so if they find something wrong with someone. They just throw them away and get a new friend. Where's the loyalty? Where the commitment? You invest 8 plus years on someone and they want to throw it all away just because you had some recent problems with each other?? What about the other eight years where you got along perfectly? Did that not count for anything??
That's another reason why I stopped making friends. My friends make some very serious mistakes with me and I forgive them but when it comes my turn they turn their back on me. No discussion. No working it out. Just gone. Like the friendship never happened.
Sorry, I got into a rant there. As you can tell this is a sore spot for me. So, nope no new friends for me. It ain't worth the headache and heartach anymore. Not that people been knocking my door down to become my friend.
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