New and Trying to understand depression

[Freckels]

I am in hopes that in getting a clearer picture of depression can help me to cope with what is going on in my life right now. I am a female , 40 years old, married for 16 years with two boys 9 and 11. They both are adhd and I am add, the oldest also has auditory processing disorder. Now coming to why I am here, my husband is depressed. I myself feel depressed after the bomb shell he dropped on me, he does not know if he wants to be with me anymore. Having a good friend who has been through depression had said to me even before the news that she felt he was depressed. I did not see it until that moment when he told me , I was told because I was not cleaning, I had gained a few pounds, and our sex life. Now I know that many of those things were things I needed to sort out, but in a whole it was because he could not talk to me very nicely and was becoming distant, of course I would not want to have sex as much. Does that make it right, no but all cause and affect. It was not until marriage counciling when I listened to him say , when we sat or kids down to tell them he was moving out to sort himself out and our youngest started crying he knew he needed help when it did not affect him the way he thought it would.
I am going crazy because I can not help him and our marriage is at stake, My heart tells me because of the depression I have been blamed and if he gets help we can rebuild our marriage through counciling. My mind keeps saying maybe he is only depressed because he is so worried about breaking up our family and the kids and it is because he is unhappy with me. Now he says his mind says it is over with but his heart says it can work. He is suppose to go in to see a DR. Monday if they can get him in.

I am here for him , I cant end things because he is confused I truely feel he can not make a choice that is permanent in his state, I do feel once he can figure out what is going on inside and get a grip on it then we can worry about what our out come will be. What I hope for and what I get may not be the same. But it will be easier to accept than the way things are right now.

[Emotional_77]

I am here for him , I cant end things because he is confused I truely feel he can not make a choice that is permanent in his state, I do feel once he can figure out what is going on inside and get a grip on it then we can worry about what our out come will be. What I hope for and what I get may not be the same. But it will be easier to accept than the way things are right now.

I agree with that, to me maybe he needs a little space to figure things out inside his own head. Get a clearer picture of whats going on so he can handle it better. Don't give up on him, be there to support as much as you can and as much as he wants you there.

take care of yourself.

[Freckels]

Well its getting harder because he is either trying to push me away and make me end things........ He came by today and told me he truely thinks he can not live with me because he is not in love with me but that he cares for me and what happens to me that the love he does feel is more like a brother or sister kind of love. He also said he can not handle the kids...... He has an appt Wensday with Mental Health... and was planning on be back Next week..... I told him I was willing to work hard on things and I am proud of him for seeking help but I did not think it would be wise to move back in until he knows what is wrong inside of him........ Did I make a mistake? I am so confused and do not want to hurt him any further than he is but I feel like I am in limbo and the kids are hurting so bad.

[Emotional_77]

It could be just his emotional side getting to him and he does not know what he wants or maybe he is getting a change of heart. Im not sure what he's feeling, you're the most closest to him, what do you think it could be? Even so, let him do his own thing, let him have a break, but don't let him get carried away with it though. Do you have any close relatives or friends that you can talk about this to? Im sure they will be very helpful in getting you through this rough time in your life. Many hugs to you and your kids.

[Freckels]

We live over seas , I have a close friend who has been through depression and qued in on it before he told me , infact way before. I feel that it is because of depression that he feels he fell out of love, if he can not feel emotion when he see's his child cry because he has told them he is staying away from the house because he is a good person with a big heart that would not ignore a emotion like that unelss he were depressed, even if it were just me he did not want to be with he would under normal emotions feel sadness for seeing them that way, but he felt nothing.
I am just scared. It could be that he is confused on what to , at this point I just do not know. Mostly I need to understand to the best of my ability what depression does to a person if this is it.. Wensday I should know more after he see's dr , they are pretty well trained dealing with the military and all.
Thank you so much for helping me!
I would go to the ends of the earth to help him, I guess even if that means he can no longer be with me some how I will deal with it, I just want to make sure he is clear headed when he can evaluate us.

[Emotional_77]

((((((hugs)))))))

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depress ... .htm#signs

Maybe this can help you understand a bit.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Hi ((((((((((((((((( Freckels )))))))))))))))))))))

Welcome to the forums. You are strong to do all you are doing for your husband and children. Please remember yourself through all of this.

There is a very supportive chat room connected with this forum. Consider perhaps visiting and talking with others that have or are going through situations similar to yours. Great people, that do understand depression and all it brings.

Good luck and hope to talk with you soon.

Warmie

[Freckels]

He moved back in this weekend and though he is home we have a long road ahead of us. The past he is dealing with and starting to recall things that he had not come to terms with had become a part of our relationship and though I knew when I met him 16 years ago he had alot of anger over the things I had no idea exactly how much he had blocked out. I now know that the way I was acting was a reaction to this on coming event and I have to change my behavior in how I react to him as he is seeking help to change behaviors and let go of what he has in him. I feel because of us and our relationship I was blessed that he is not giving up so that he does not have to deal with the pain he is feeling, that tells me how much I mean to him even if he does not say it right now. I am thankful that I found this forum and that everyone has given me and others a place to feel safe with times like this.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((( Freckels ))))))))))))))

Life does give us many ups and downs. Guess we need to learn to ride that roller coaster. Hang in there and keep the faith.

Warmie

[sigmund]

firstly welcomne to the forum, and you have tremendous courage to want to help your husband after he said he no longer loved you etc.
i feel if you want to understand depression and what its affects on people are i would talk to your friend or perhaps talk to your GP, health centre. they can tell you what depression is and how best to be there for hubby. perhaps when hubby is ready you could go with him when he seeks councelling. but like said don't forget you and the boys need love and have feelings and needs too. welcome again and hoping all sorts itself out.
praying for you and your family. welcome from us in oz.

[Emotional_77]

(((((((freckles))))))))))