Hi everyone
Have had depression for many years and been on meds for about 5. Seem to be at an all time low - my marriage is ending, find every aspect of life very difficult and nobody to talk to about any of it since my wife started ignoring me, and has now told me that there is someone else. She believes that depression is just made up.
Just don't know what to to do or where to turn.
Thanks for reading.
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Moderators: windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
Thanks.
I just feel completely out of step with the world most of the time, like I'm from another planet. No matter how hard I try all people usually talk about are the things I've got wrong.
My wife never forgets anything I do wrong and does not hesitate to bring it up even years later. She has now stopped doing almost anything around the house and spends nearly all the time on the phone or computer talking to her new man from what I can tell. So I am working a very high pressure job and trying to look after 5 children, including coming home early from work to feed them if my wife is working. She will often come in at about 8 and declare that she is now "off duty".
I think that I have Aspergers as well as depression, but she thinks that that is just an excuse for anything I get wrong, like depression.
I don't want to go on any more meds and counselling has done little for me. I don't really have friends because I find relationships very hard - I can never think of anything to say.
All that is keeping me going at the moment is trying to be here for my children and protect them from the worst of my wife's behaviour, but there is very little I can do as she will just launch into me if I intervene and I can't take much of that. She also takes all my money to pay the bills, moans that I do not earn enough but keeps all her own money for myself.
Sorry, this sounds like a huge moan but I just don't know what to do and the future terrifies me. I am exhausted all the time but told I am lazy if I rest.
I just feel completely out of step with the world most of the time, like I'm from another planet. No matter how hard I try all people usually talk about are the things I've got wrong.
My wife never forgets anything I do wrong and does not hesitate to bring it up even years later. She has now stopped doing almost anything around the house and spends nearly all the time on the phone or computer talking to her new man from what I can tell. So I am working a very high pressure job and trying to look after 5 children, including coming home early from work to feed them if my wife is working. She will often come in at about 8 and declare that she is now "off duty".
I think that I have Aspergers as well as depression, but she thinks that that is just an excuse for anything I get wrong, like depression.
I don't want to go on any more meds and counselling has done little for me. I don't really have friends because I find relationships very hard - I can never think of anything to say.
All that is keeping me going at the moment is trying to be here for my children and protect them from the worst of my wife's behaviour, but there is very little I can do as she will just launch into me if I intervene and I can't take much of that. She also takes all my money to pay the bills, moans that I do not earn enough but keeps all her own money for myself.
Sorry, this sounds like a huge moan but I just don't know what to do and the future terrifies me. I am exhausted all the time but told I am lazy if I rest.
The prayer goes; God grant me the strength to right the wrong I can, to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to see the difference. But some things are very hard to accept. Having your children beyond your guidance is a very difficult thing to accept. Nor do I suggest that you stop trying. There are other lessons they are learning.
Some the guidance they gain will be more intrinsic and by that mean they will experience how you and your wife interact and treat each other. You may not have much control over how your wife acts although you can verbalize it's appropriateness or lack thereof. And it may be a struggle, but you can pattern your interactions with a notion of how you want your children to treated later in life. Because they will learn to feel comfortable with that treatment.
I mention these things because teachers, wives, authority figures may get between us and the lessons we feel are so important, but they're still watching us.
I know this doesn't address the underlying exhaustion and sadness your feeling, but I hope it gives a sense that you can make a positive impact just by being there. What are their ages by the way?
Some the guidance they gain will be more intrinsic and by that mean they will experience how you and your wife interact and treat each other. You may not have much control over how your wife acts although you can verbalize it's appropriateness or lack thereof. And it may be a struggle, but you can pattern your interactions with a notion of how you want your children to treated later in life. Because they will learn to feel comfortable with that treatment.
I mention these things because teachers, wives, authority figures may get between us and the lessons we feel are so important, but they're still watching us.
I know this doesn't address the underlying exhaustion and sadness your feeling, but I hope it gives a sense that you can make a positive impact just by being there. What are their ages by the way?
Thanks guys. Children are between 7 and 19.
I am just so up and down. Some days fine, getting stuff done, feel I can handle it all. Other days, like today, just want to burst into tears and find it hard to do anything. No obvious cause for the change, and no idea how to get back to the up from the down.
I am just so up and down. Some days fine, getting stuff done, feel I can handle it all. Other days, like today, just want to burst into tears and find it hard to do anything. No obvious cause for the change, and no idea how to get back to the up from the down.
I think that for me is one of the hardest things; having no good handle on what the triggers are.
I am convinced, though that they are not random, that they are more than likely (at least in my case) simply buried or disguised. That's where working even harder to control them can be counter productive; seems the harder I work the deeper they get buried.
I have found that sitting is quite effective. That is when I can steal the time and summon the will to follow the guides (there are many out there) to sit each day for even 20 -30min in quite meditation. Keep in mind though it's a journey not a lever.
On a day like today, though, I get more than a little angry to feel something so simple and effective may be out of my reach. But more often I summon it to the top of my priority list, the better are my chances of actually doing it.
I am convinced, though that they are not random, that they are more than likely (at least in my case) simply buried or disguised. That's where working even harder to control them can be counter productive; seems the harder I work the deeper they get buried.
I have found that sitting is quite effective. That is when I can steal the time and summon the will to follow the guides (there are many out there) to sit each day for even 20 -30min in quite meditation. Keep in mind though it's a journey not a lever.
On a day like today, though, I get more than a little angry to feel something so simple and effective may be out of my reach. But more often I summon it to the top of my priority list, the better are my chances of actually doing it.
Hello,
I can't stress enough how bad I feel for you and your situation. Know what it's like to be in a controlling, abusive relationship! Got out of one recently. I'm female...People don't realize that men CAN be the abused ones in relationships--no matter how tough. Put your FOOT DOWN!!
Obviously, you have a heart, I see. I think you can figure out how to gain some ground here. Behind you hon. This seems SO wrong!!
We're here. Don't give up. You're strong or you wouldn't have made it as far as you've come! Am I right??!
I can't stress enough how bad I feel for you and your situation. Know what it's like to be in a controlling, abusive relationship! Got out of one recently. I'm female...People don't realize that men CAN be the abused ones in relationships--no matter how tough. Put your FOOT DOWN!!
Obviously, you have a heart, I see. I think you can figure out how to gain some ground here. Behind you hon. This seems SO wrong!!
We're here. Don't give up. You're strong or you wouldn't have made it as far as you've come! Am I right??!
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