Searching for help

[ruiner]

I'm 27 years old. I found this site on LostAllHope.com. I've been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was 10. I am currently going through a divorce after 9 years together. All the hopelessness and insignificance I felt through my pre-teen and teenage years started to go away as more time was spent being important to somebody, feeling like I mattered to someone. Now she is gone and I'm noticing that I really don't seem to be all that important to anybody anymore. Plenty say it but nobody shows it.

I feel entirely alone, hopeless, and depressed. I am starting to think a lot about suicide as a way out. I'm basically turning to anybody at this point that might give me some bit of rest from feeling like this every waking moment. I am not doing a very good job of dealing with it on my own anymore. I'm starting to think that things will never get better.

Thanks for reading.

[Frame]

Hi ruiner;

First let me say Thank you for posting and you may find, over the course of the next few days and months, a number of people here who do care and can share information that might help.

I'm sorry to read these feelings of hopelessness and loneliness are crowding in on you. I'm no stranger to those. You caught me at a farely up part of the day but my depression lately is never truly gone.

I have found that reading and responding to posts here helps. I encourage you to do the same. And please keep talking. We're listening.

[Ghost]

Hi, ruiner, I'm 25, been deep depressed and attempted suicide once during my teenage. I know the feeling of the abyss you are in. But you are not alone in this. It won't be easy! but you can surely deal with this.

My depression was NEVER gone, but I did find some ways to live in good terms with it (I even like the feeling of it). So I suggest you to find help, if you can. That makes you understand yourself better. I have a friend who is currently in therapy and she's dealing better with things. If you can't find help, I suggest you to be patient and think about yourself, what really makes you sad and what can you do to try and change this, if you want. If there is something you like doing, DO it, even if you don't see any results in the beggining.

As Frame said, talking here can help. We won't tell you the same bullsh# we have heard our entire life. People have different experiences dealing with depression and that can be truly helpful.

Strenght and honor.
Ghost

[ruiner]

Frame and Ghost:

Thanks. I appreciate the words. I'm going to keep talking and hopefully find some sort of balance. I know this isn't going to go away anytime soon, probably never. Part of that seems bleak to me. I understand living with depression, coping. There is also a little thought that there is a way out. I hate having that thought but I feel like it's been with me since I was young. There is almost a comfort in it.

[Frame]

I was just talking to a friend about how the parts of us that hold and re-enforce a pathology (like taking comfort in the thought of siucide) are often the the things that hold us together, the things we can rely on. I try to be careful about forcing change on myself or others because I believe new healthier habits need to be in place before we remove the old ones. We all need things we can rely on.

It can also be scary to look at the parts of us we're not so pleased with. However, there within are often found seeds to new more positive habits.

I do appreciate your post, partly because it allows me to contemplate these things.

[Jac]

Hi all
I'm a 44 year old female and I've suffered with depression, anxiety and phobia since I was around 12 years old but wasn't diagnosed till 16 years ago. After reading some of these posts I'm quite relieved that I'm not the only one and I'm not a freak. I know how hard it is to cope day after day, month after month, year after year with what I call my gremlin (depression). I feel alone, no one understands me, how I'm feeling, why I sometimes snap or disinterested. I have a heart of gold and if I can help anyone I will even before myself. Some days I just want to get in my car and drive and drive, I haven't got any energy to do anything most of the time, I ant got anyone I can talk to, not that I haven't got any family or friends because I have, it's just they don't really understand any of it and when I try telling them I feel like I'm just moaning and should just pick myself up and get on with it. I've lots more to express but I may be just writing this for nothing. So if there is anyone out there that relates to this please get intouch. Jac x

[Frame]

Please Jac, continue.

Just as you said reading these brings relief; Our reading your posts helps all of us. You might consider starting a new thread if you have a new direction or a lot to say.

[4EverMe]

Hello ruiner,
I'm sorry it took so long to reply. Feel kinda bad that I just now found your post! What you wrote touched me because I know EXACTLY how you feel. Been there over-and-over again. It sure doesn't help when there's no one you feel there's no one to talk to. When the odds seem so totally stacked against you. Please hold on for a while. Keep talking. No one here wants you to end your life.

It may feel like you don't have any strength. That you're running on fumes. I know. But if you have to muster up any strength from within, even from those 'fumes,' please don't give up. You seem like a pretty nice person.like someone with a heart. The world needs people like you. I hope you ever even get this. Keep talking. It helps some, and you may feel, with the help of others, that you DO have something to live for. God bless.