Greetings

[Starshine269]

Well this is the first time for me on a forum like this. Im from the old school of thought and using the internet for something like depression is like so new to me.

I have had a full and interesting life but there have been real dark spots and Iam in one right now.

When I was much younger I did not care for material things. Then I changed, got a great job bought a house had two vehicles, one a sleek fast 95 Cobra and a 4x4 Nissan hard body. Kid was grown and on her own I had friends and a wonderful hubby. Everything was coming up roses then disaster struck and struck hard.

Was so bad that I tried to commit suicide damn near succeded. Why? Well lost my GREAT job, found out the hubby was having an affair (for 3 years)and lost our home, lost both vehicles.

I did not get counseling for my attempt bluffed my way out of the crazy bin and dealt with the darkness on my own. It has been 6 years since then and we were finally getting our life back together (a light at the end of a dark tunnel). When all hell broke loose again. So when they say everything moves in a circle you can believe it.

Hubby (yes I forgave him) lost his job of 13 years lost our home again and now everything we own is going up for sale and no doubt we will loose our 4x4 truck since we need the cash more than 2 vehicles. In the end we will have nothing. So in a way I suppose I am gonna go out the way I came in. Poor, not that that's a bad thing at least Iam used to being poor since that's what we have been for most of our 35 years together.. All my lifes work down the tubes. Its been all for nothing nada....feeling like a real failure and the darkness returns with a ferocity that I am getting tired of fighting. Iam getting too old to start over and to weak to fight this darkness. Pray for me as I battle this demon.

Thank God for my rats an island of unquestioning devotion and love in a world gone mad.

[hopeful]

hello, notice you had no replies (like me) read your entry before but didn't know quite what to say, your anger really comes across in there. Please don't say it has all been for nothing, on the surface of course that is how it seems but think of how the experience has made you.
You say you have been through it before and your still standing, give yourself some credit for that and you did it alone, there is obviously something inside you that helps you stay strong. Keep posting here and you will feel better to get it all off your chest. I am sorry for what has happened to you. There are people who have never had a car - they seem to get by. It symbolises your success in a material way but you have other successes with meaning to your character and the way you have handled yourself. My old car was a fiat uno - what does that say! Now I walk everywhere and in my gridlocked town that is a good thing, just tell people you decided to 'go green'. Hope you feel a tiny bit better soon. Its good to talk. Take carex
________
MARIJUANA VAPORIZER

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((( Starshine))))))))))))))))))

A warm but gentle hug for you.

Warmie

[Emotional_77]

You say you have been through it before and your still standing, give yourself some credit for that and you did it alone, there is obviously something inside you that helps you stay strong.

I very much agree with this!!!

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((( Starshine ))))))))))))))))

Been awhile, just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts. Gentle hug for you.

Warmie