I faced my demons and won!

Introductions and welcomes.

Moderators: windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, vince13, Maelstrom, Astrid

jimmyjames
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2008 10:01 pm

I faced my demons and won!

Postby jimmyjames » Tue Apr 15, 2008 10:03 pm

Hi all I had severe depression, anxiety attacks, and OCD for over thirty years but finally had enough and over came most of it. I wrote a quirky book called Man Interrupted on how I did it. Below is an excerpt.

The taxi pulled in front of the sign that read Within Reach Hospital. It suddenly began to rain. Was that an omen? It dawned on me why you always see a cab pulling up in front of a hospital in those movies about people with emotional problems. The director wanted to symbolize that this was just the beginning of the journey, not the end.

When did my problems really begin? I have thought about that question for years and years. I guess my first anxiety attack came when I was five. Of course back then they didn't call it that. At that time my Father and Mother had just gotten a divorce in Kansas and the court awarded custody of me, my brother and sister, to my Mother but she only took my sister. I still remember vividly them dragging me out of her car as I clung to the seat. I stared at my sister as they drove away toward Minnesota, my mom's home state. A couple years later, living with my dad and step mom number two, I ended up being taken to the emergency room for some imaginary pain in my back. In retrospect that was the beginning of the end that led me here.
The cabbie got out and pulled my suitcase out of the trunk. He looked like a cabbie. The look of a guy who never slept and whose diet consisted of endless cups of coffee and unfiltered cigarettes. Whose idea of a healthy diet was an occasional fish sandwich at McDonald's. I got out and was debating what kind of tip I should give him, since I'd already given him the fare in advance at the airport. As I turned to look at him, he darted into his cab and drove off. I grabbed my luggage and opened the front door. "Are you James the new patient?" A tall skinny guy said this to me as he blocked my pathway. I nodded yes. "James you are not allowed to use this door, it's only for staff." He told me to go back around to the front of the house. Of course that was not the greeting I was expecting but at least it took my mind off the cabbie. I stumbled around to the front looking for the entrance when I was pleasantly surprised by this cute blond who popped out of nowhere. "You must be James O'Bailey. We've been expecting you. Take your luggage and follow me to your room." I grabbed my luggage and walked in, but somehow the blond disappeared. I looked around until I spotted blondie talking to the dude who gave me that great welcoming party. I started to yell out to her but she ran off into another room. I figured this was a good time to go use the bathroom since I'd been holding it in during the cab ride.

I walked up to a crew cut guy and asked him where the head was. "Number one or number two?" He asked. "I got to take a crap." "We don't talk that way around here, James. It's number one or number two." I knew this guy was going to be a problem. "Well sir, when I go do to number two, I usually have a little number one going on, too. So what would that be?" He hesitated a moment. I knew exactly what he was thinking: I can't let this patient get to me. I'm the educated professional here. He handed me a key and a small role of toilet paper with just a few sheets and started to shut the door, you know, one of those types of doors that are cut in half so you can open and shut the top to dispense medicine without the patient actually getting inside the office. I stuck my hand in to prevent him from closing it. "Hey, buddy, I'll need a little more than that!" He gave me a funny look. "That's how we cure your OCD." "I don't have a problem with that!" He told me that later when he had a chance to check the files if that wasn't a problem of mine that I would be allowed to take a roll in with me. I started mouthing off and before I could finish, the cubicle was shut. Now I was getting upset! The cute blond walked up. "I heard you say you have to use the bathroom." "I did but now after all this, I lost that feeling." "Then you won't be needing this." She grabbed the key and the toilet paper roll from my hands. "Why did you do that?" I said. "We can't have you hoarding toilet paper." "Listen a mosquito couldn't wipe his butt with that!" I guess I wasn't surprised when she didn't respond. I couldn't say I blamed her. A moment later she spoke. "You ready to go to your room?" "Sure." I followed the little blond up the staircase and into a room as she told me her name was Mary. "Oh, James, the maid must have forgotten to clean and sanitize the mattress." I looked on a little shell-shocked. The mattress was one of those prison types: hard as rock, with a big slit in it.
Plus, you don't mention the word "sanitize" around a person with OCD! Our brains all kick in with, "Why does it need sanitizing?" "I will just take that bed over there, Sherry." I pointed to an already made up bed on the other side of the room. "My name is Mary and, no, that bed is for Raymond, your roommate." "Who slept on it before miss and why does it need sanitizing?" I said. "You're asking for reassurance James and we don't allow that here. Be it from staff or fellow patients." "Thanks Mary because now I'm having a full blown anxiety attack!" "Don't worry James, I'll go ask Harry what to do." "Was the last patient a drug addict, is that why there are slits in the mattress?" "Reassurance again, James." I tried not to ask her again but the anxiety running through me was too much to ignore. "Come on, you're the one who started it with that, "it needs sanitizing remark." Mary just stared at me. "Yes I need fricking reassurance!" Mary left and my mind was on the mattress. I knew I was in the middle of an obsession and my compulsion, getting reassurance, was not going to happen from Mary. I also knew I had to do something before it went to a full blown anxiety attack! Just then Mary reentered the room. "Harry says you can change rooms. You get to have two room mates now. Isn't that great?" "Listen, can't we just change mattresses, Miss?" She hesitated for for a moment then left. Finally I got up and walked downstairs. As I was about to hit the last step a big fat guy popped out of nowhere and stuck out his hand. "I'm Tim. Glad to meet you." I didn't want to shake his hand, but it was too late.
His big paw engulfed my hand. How was I going to wash my hands? Harry had the only key to the rest room. I looked up at the fat guy. He was sweating like a pig and his face was covered with zits. Oh man, my hands and fingers had to be crawling with germs now! What if he'd just taken a number two and wiped his big butt with that little sheet of paper? Oh God, I had to get in the bathroom and fast. I ran over to the cubicle and knocked on the door! Harry answered. "Uh, Harry can I change the mattress and I, uh, got to get the key to the restroom?" "Another patient has the key so you'll have to wait and I already changed the mattress!" The door was quickly closed. How in the hell did he change__ Ps if you like this you can check it out at amazon. It won't be out in book stores until after this April 28th 2008. Best James.

User avatar
Warmsoul/Jeanie13
Posts: 29195
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
Contact:

Postby Warmsoul/Jeanie13 » Sun Apr 20, 2008 11:08 am

jimmyjames

Sorry, are you joining to talk about depression and such, to receive support OR advertising a book?

Why not start over, okay?

Warmie 8)


Return to “New Member Introductions”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 408 guests