I'm still here

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GraceH
Posts: 23
Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:52 pm
Location: East Coast US

I'm still here

Postby GraceH » Fri Sep 01, 2017 7:47 pm

Hard to feel like you matter when you've been treated your whole life like you don't matter. Signed up on here because like, to hear a hi or how are you or are you okay reminds me that I didn't disappear. You ever come home and no one's there to say their glad you made it home safely. Or, you don't hear from anyone for so long you start to say, I'm not missed. I guess that's why I'm on here. I'm still here. I don't want to be but I am. I stopped asking why am I here because I learned to accept, I hate it, I'm here. I'm still here.
We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided. -JK Rowling

littlestarsmum
Posts: 36
Joined: Tue May 16, 2017 11:36 pm

Re: I'm still here

Postby littlestarsmum » Tue Sep 05, 2017 12:26 am

I’m so sorry you’re feeling that way, Grace. Please know that you’re not alone and you don’t need to carry your burdens alone. Everyone needs help at some point of time and I appreciate your courage and willingness to reach out for help. Your life is precious no matter what issues you’re facing. Remember that you deserve to feel better. Feel free to share your concerns with us. I’m sure you’ll find a lot of help and support. I’m glad you’re here. Have a blessed stay!

Spleefy
Posts: 19
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: I'm still here

Postby Spleefy » Mon Sep 11, 2017 2:47 am

Grace,

What you said is something I've felt myself as well as experienced with friends. I only just lost a friend yesterday because she feels exactly how you described.

No matter how much I tried to show her that I care and that I have AND always will be there for emotional support or anything she needs, it just wasn't enough. She has thrown in the towel on our relationship. I kept trying, giving her time, being patient...

It just was never enough.

She just kept closing herself off to all the emotional support I was trying to give to her. I had the doors wide open and kept them open, but she just couldn't bring herself to walk through them. I told her that the doors were open, but only she and she alone can walk through them.

Instead, she kept saying how nobody cares about her. How I don't notice her. How it's hard. How busy she is (aka putting effort into the relationship is not a priority). How she lost trust and may not get it back. She lost trust because I took a short break to get my head together, as I slipped into a dark place recently. She said she understood that I was broken and needed to do what I had to do, but when I left she broke. Ever since then she just had lost trust. No matter how much I tried to rebuild it again and show her that I didn't actually leave her, she had told herself over and over that nobody cares about her...

Until it became her truth!

I invested so much time into our relationship and made it a priority. I went above and beyond what most other people in her life are probably doing. And yet she lacked trust in me all because I broke myself and had to get myself together lest I drag her or other people down into it with me. I was just trying to protect her from my dark and toxic headspace, not because I don't love her or care about her. But she just cannot seem to see past this.

Another one of our friends... she also felt broken when I wasn't there. She crashed just as hard over it, if not more. When I came back, things were also different between her and I. However, after reminding her that she needs to put in 100% into this relationship as well, our friendship has reached incredible levels.

Our connection is stronger than it ever has been.

This is because she was willing to work just as much as I am on the relationship.

What this reminded me of is that sometimes we don't see the precious things we have in our life, just like my other friend because of the headspace she is currently in at the moment. We don't see the people that care about us. The depression blocks anything good in our lives if we let it, making us feel:

Alone. Unloved. Unwanted. Disappointed.

But I certainly can relate to how you are feeling because I feel similar. I feel like a placeholder until something better comes along. Because I'm always there for other people, they get used to it. And when you don't meet their expectations, they treat you like you are uncaring and/or just drop you like a sack of spuds.

What I am working on now is giving myself love and emotional support. I give it to other people, but I never seem to give it to myself. I have come to the realization that I need to be the person I want to attract into my life:

people how are unselfish. Loyal. Passionate. Caring.

While I am already these things and more, I cannot rely solely on others to give me this when I cannot even give it to myself. If I rely solely on people to give me these things that I am not willing to do for myself, I will only be disappointed time and again.

You do have people out there who care about you, Grace.

Have you tried reaching out to others? Speaking for myself, I tend to withdraw from people when I'm feeling down. With depression, you end up isolating yourself from everyone. Not because you want to be alone, but you become so consumed by the depression. However, I noticed that, more often than not, if I reach out to others and take an interest in their lives, they will generally reciprocate it. All I need to do is take that initiative.

@littlestarsmum your words are very comforting. Thank you for your contribution.

Grace, you have people who do care. Even strangers can care. We just often feel alone because it's the depression talking. Don't allow this to become your reality. You do have people who care about you because WE care about you. You do matter! This is a fact. Don't allow the depression make you think otherwise! And, give yourself more love and emotional support. Work on the relationship you have with yourself. Give to yourself what you want others to give to you.

From someone who cares,

Spleefy

GraceH
Posts: 23
Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:52 pm
Location: East Coast US

Re: I'm still here

Postby GraceH » Mon Sep 11, 2017 6:16 pm

littlestarsmum wrote:I’m so sorry you’re feeling that way, Grace. Please know that you’re not alone and you don’t need to carry your burdens alone. Everyone needs help at some point of time and I appreciate your courage and willingness to reach out for help. Your life is precious no matter what issues you’re facing. Remember that you deserve to feel better. Feel free to share your concerns with us. I’m sure you’ll find a lot of help and support. I’m glad you’re here. Have a blessed stay!

**************
Thank you littlestarsmum,
I can't tell when people post back to me, I'm having such a hard time navigating on this site. This site always appears so quiet, but in the chatroom are all these people (mostly yakking at one another, some trying to be decent and have a dialogue but it only takes one to disrupt the whole room). Hope to keep in touch with, like, someone on here. Super happy you responded. Happy to chat back with you. Thank you for caring. --Grace
We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided. -JK Rowling

GraceH
Posts: 23
Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:52 pm
Location: East Coast US

Re: I'm still here

Postby GraceH » Mon Sep 11, 2017 6:26 pm

Spleefy wrote:Grace,

What you said is something I've felt myself as well as experienced with friends. I only just lost a friend yesterday because she feels exactly how you described.

No matter how much I tried to show her that I care and that I have AND always will be there for emotional support or anything she needs, it just wasn't enough. She has thrown in the towel on our relationship. I kept trying, giving her time, being patient...

It just was never enough.

She just kept closing herself off to all the emotional support I was trying to give to her. I had the doors wide open and kept them open, but she just couldn't bring herself to walk through them. I told her that the doors were open, but only she and she alone can walk through them.

Instead, she kept saying how nobody cares about her. How I don't notice her. How it's hard. How busy she is (aka putting effort into the relationship is not a priority). How she lost trust and may not get it back. She lost trust because I took a short break to get my head together, as I slipped into a dark place recently. She said she understood that I was broken and needed to do what I had to do, but when I left she broke. Ever since then she just had lost trust. No matter how much I tried to rebuild it again and show her that I didn't actually leave her, she had told herself over and over that nobody cares about her...

Until it became her truth!

I invested so much time into our relationship and made it a priority. I went above and beyond what most other people in her life are probably doing. And yet she lacked trust in me all because I broke myself and had to get myself together lest I drag her or other people down into it with me. I was just trying to protect her from my dark and toxic headspace, not because I don't love her or care about her. But she just cannot seem to see past this.

Another one of our friends... she also felt broken when I wasn't there. She crashed just as hard over it, if not more. When I came back, things were also different between her and I. However, after reminding her that she needs to put in 100% into this relationship as well, our friendship has reached incredible levels.

Our connection is stronger than it ever has been.

This is because she was willing to work just as much as I am on the relationship.

What this reminded me of is that sometimes we don't see the precious things we have in our life, just like my other friend because of the headspace she is currently in at the moment. We don't see the people that care about us. The depression blocks anything good in our lives if we let it, making us feel:

Alone. Unloved. Unwanted. Disappointed.

But I certainly can relate to how you are feeling because I feel similar. I feel like a placeholder until something better comes along. Because I'm always there for other people, they get used to it. And when you don't meet their expectations, they treat you like you are uncaring and/or just drop you like a sack of spuds.

What I am working on now is giving myself love and emotional support. I give it to other people, but I never seem to give it to myself. I have come to the realization that I need to be the person I want to attract into my life:

people how are unselfish. Loyal. Passionate. Caring.

While I am already these things and more, I cannot rely solely on others to give me this when I cannot even give it to myself. If I rely solely on people to give me these things that I am not willing to do for myself, I will only be disappointed time and again.

You do have people out there who care about you, Grace.

Have you tried reaching out to others? Speaking for myself, I tend to withdraw from people when I'm feeling down. With depression, you end up isolating yourself from everyone. Not because you want to be alone, but you become so consumed by the depression. However, I noticed that, more often than not, if I reach out to others and take an interest in their lives, they will generally reciprocate it. All I need to do is take that initiative.

@littlestarsmum your words are very comforting. Thank you for your contribution.

Grace, you have people who do care. Even strangers can care. We just often feel alone because it's the depression talking. Don't allow this to become your reality. You do have people who care about you because WE care about you. You do matter! This is a fact. Don't allow the depression make you think otherwise! And, give yourself more love and emotional support. Work on the relationship you have with yourself. Give to yourself what you want others to give to you.

From someone who cares,

Spleefy

****************************************
Hi Spleefy,

This has got to be the nicest thing anyone's ever written to me. I don't know what to say. And I'm grateful to hear your story and how things have gone with the loves in your life. I'm sorry someone has left, it sounds like you tried and did everything you could to help and be there for her. I gotta say, wow, the effort you put in there is surely striking.

I'm really stunned at what you've written, to take the time, to be so detailed. I love to write, and I don't think I could write what you've written.

I'll say it again, I'm sorry a friend has lost trust in you and left. It is possible she'll return, when she's better, you think? I really hope so. Sounds like she has a great friend in you, and something is hurting in her, so she needs this time to process how she's feeling and what she's going through? Possibly?

Yes it's true depression blocks so much, drives away all that can be good, lies to us, betrays us, and drives away a lot of people. Least in my life it has.

I actually believe you when you say people do care about me. I mean, my nephew cares about me. You took the time. It would be nice to have friends. I'm seeing a psychologist tomorrow, my second visit, I'll believe with her help I can be that person who makes friends and doesn't leave them before they leave me. I would write more, but I'm truly going back to your post to read it again. I hope the words THANK YOU portray my gratitude and appreciation. --Grace
We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided. -JK Rowling

lukasz
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue Sep 12, 2017 11:33 am

Re: I'm still here

Postby lukasz » Tue Sep 12, 2017 12:15 pm

Hi, Grace. I have come home with no invitations. I have no one to talk to or go out with. I'm alone, because I'm a loser (I think I may call myself this way). I am learning English, though (I'm Polish), but I can't find anyone to practice with, because I'm a very boring person with lots of problems. If you don't mind this, ano would like to talk, then I would be looking forward to hearing from you...

GraceH
Posts: 23
Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:52 pm
Location: East Coast US

Re: I'm still here

Postby GraceH » Tue Sep 12, 2017 10:05 pm

lukasz wrote:Hi, Grace. I have come home with no invitations. I have no one to talk to or go out with. I'm alone, because I'm a loser (I think I may call myself this way). I am learning English, though (I'm Polish), but I can't find anyone to practice with, because I'm a very boring person with lots of problems. If you don't mind this, ano would like to talk, then I would be looking forward to hearing from you...

****************************
Hi Lukasz,

You're not a loser, don't call yourself that. That could be your depression talking. I see a psychologist once a week to help me feel better about myself. Are you able to reach out and see a therapist? A therapist could also help you make friends, and direct you to people who can help with your English. Though, you write English very well I might add. I'm so sorry you're struggling, but we're all here struggling and hopefully we can help and support one another. You can send me direct messages and I"ll message you back. I check this site at least once a day. Hopefully you'll log back on and see this message for you. And you are not a boring person.
We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided. -JK Rowling

lukasz
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue Sep 12, 2017 11:33 am

Re: I'm still here

Postby lukasz » Tue Sep 12, 2017 11:59 pm

Thank you for the consoling words :wink: I thought not once about psychologists when things were going really badly.
However, therapists are quite expensive, and I didnt have the money. Also, what is more important I think, I couldn't tell all the things that bothered me to anyone - I had to make it on my own. It was difficult but I have kind of succeeded and am doing much better now. However, certain things have changed and rendered me a little unable to function normally in the society. That's a pity.
Anyway, this is your thread and I don't want to talk about myself :) I wish you all the best, Grace, and remember that you do matter - no less than anyone else!

Spleefy
Posts: 19
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: I'm still here

Postby Spleefy » Wed Sep 13, 2017 9:25 am

GraceH wrote:
Spleefy wrote:Grace,

What you said is something I've felt myself as well as experienced with friends. I only just lost a friend yesterday because she feels exactly how you described.

No matter how much I tried to show her that I care and that I have AND always will be there for emotional support or anything she needs, it just wasn't enough. She has thrown in the towel on our relationship. I kept trying, giving her time, being patient...

It just was never enough.

She just kept closing herself off to all the emotional support I was trying to give to her. I had the doors wide open and kept them open, but she just couldn't bring herself to walk through them. I told her that the doors were open, but only she and she alone can walk through them.

Instead, she kept saying how nobody cares about her. How I don't notice her. How it's hard. How busy she is (aka putting effort into the relationship is not a priority). How she lost trust and may not get it back. She lost trust because I took a short break to get my head together, as I slipped into a dark place recently. She said she understood that I was broken and needed to do what I had to do, but when I left she broke. Ever since then she just had lost trust. No matter how much I tried to rebuild it again and show her that I didn't actually leave her, she had told herself over and over that nobody cares about her...

Until it became her truth!

I invested so much time into our relationship and made it a priority. I went above and beyond what most other people in her life are probably doing. And yet she lacked trust in me all because I broke myself and had to get myself together lest I drag her or other people down into it with me. I was just trying to protect her from my dark and toxic headspace, not because I don't love her or care about her. But she just cannot seem to see past this.

Another one of our friends... she also felt broken when I wasn't there. She crashed just as hard over it, if not more. When I came back, things were also different between her and I. However, after reminding her that she needs to put in 100% into this relationship as well, our friendship has reached incredible levels.

Our connection is stronger than it ever has been.

This is because she was willing to work just as much as I am on the relationship.

What this reminded me of is that sometimes we don't see the precious things we have in our life, just like my other friend because of the headspace she is currently in at the moment. We don't see the people that care about us. The depression blocks anything good in our lives if we let it, making us feel:

Alone. Unloved. Unwanted. Disappointed.

But I certainly can relate to how you are feeling because I feel similar. I feel like a placeholder until something better comes along. Because I'm always there for other people, they get used to it. And when you don't meet their expectations, they treat you like you are uncaring and/or just drop you like a sack of spuds.

What I am working on now is giving myself love and emotional support. I give it to other people, but I never seem to give it to myself. I have come to the realization that I need to be the person I want to attract into my life:

people how are unselfish. Loyal. Passionate. Caring.

While I am already these things and more, I cannot rely solely on others to give me this when I cannot even give it to myself. If I rely solely on people to give me these things that I am not willing to do for myself, I will only be disappointed time and again.

You do have people out there who care about you, Grace.

Have you tried reaching out to others? Speaking for myself, I tend to withdraw from people when I'm feeling down. With depression, you end up isolating yourself from everyone. Not because you want to be alone, but you become so consumed by the depression. However, I noticed that, more often than not, if I reach out to others and take an interest in their lives, they will generally reciprocate it. All I need to do is take that initiative.

@littlestarsmum your words are very comforting. Thank you for your contribution.

Grace, you have people who do care. Even strangers can care. We just often feel alone because it's the depression talking. Don't allow this to become your reality. You do have people who care about you because WE care about you. You do matter! This is a fact. Don't allow the depression make you think otherwise! And, give yourself more love and emotional support. Work on the relationship you have with yourself. Give to yourself what you want others to give to you.

From someone who cares,

Spleefy

****************************************
Hi Spleefy,

This has got to be the nicest thing anyone's ever written to me. I don't know what to say. And I'm grateful to hear your story and how things have gone with the loves in your life. I'm sorry someone has left, it sounds like you tried and did everything you could to help and be there for her. I gotta say, wow, the effort you put in there is surely striking.

I'm really stunned at what you've written, to take the time, to be so detailed. I love to write, and I don't think I could write what you've written.

I'll say it again, I'm sorry a friend has lost trust in you and left. It is possible she'll return, when she's better, you think? I really hope so. Sounds like she has a great friend in you, and something is hurting in her, so she needs this time to process how she's feeling and what she's going through? Possibly?

Yes it's true depression blocks so much, drives away all that can be good, lies to us, betrays us, and drives away a lot of people. Least in my life it has.

I actually believe you when you say people do care about me. I mean, my nephew cares about me. You took the time. It would be nice to have friends. I'm seeing a psychologist tomorrow, my second visit, I'll believe with her help I can be that person who makes friends and doesn't leave them before they leave me. I would write more, but I'm truly going back to your post to read it again. I hope the words THANK YOU portray my gratitude and appreciation. --Grace


Hiya Grace,

How did it go with the psychologist? It's good that you are also talking to someone experienced in helping people with depression and other similar experiences.

As for my friend, I have been asking our common friends to keep me updated on how she is coping. Yesterday, I asked my friend, Roy, to ask her to give me a chance to talk to her. But she did not want to.

Roy and I spoke about how to best help her. Since she has cut me off completely at the moment, I asked Roy to just give her love, be there for her, talk to her every day, even if it's just to ask how her day was. Just remind her often how much we all love her and care about her.

She is slowly becoming distant from all of us and I don't want this to happen. She needs people in her life and depression makes you self-sabotage. This is what she is doing and I will be damned if I will let her do this to herself. She may have given up, but I REFUSE to throw in the towel on her.

As you say, once she's had time to process it she will in a better headspace to see that we all care about her. And while I may no longer have direct contact with her, our common friends will keep me updated. I'll do everything I can behind the scenes and make sure to pull us all together. I told Roy that's what we need to do -- unite together. No matter how much she pushes us away, we must stay united.

I can see some of the others getting a little annoyed with her being distant, but I just keep reminding them that it's the depression and not her that is doing this and to never give up on her, no matter what. The depression is making her self-sabotage and it is clouding her judgement. Just keep injecting love until she finds her way back to us.

We must be the light in her darkness because she is not being her own light at the moment. Then, when she does find her way back to us, we can help her to shine in her own light once again. One of the things I admire about her is her strength and resilience. I know she will get through this and be better than ever!

Thank you for your kind words, Grace. And I'm really proud of you for having the strength to work on your life. Having people in our lives is important. If I'm feeling vulnerable, for whatever reason, I tend to push people away to avoid being hurt. But this is just me self-sabotaging out of fear. Depression just exacerbates the fear because we tend to...

Catastrophize. Be cynical. Overthink situations.

I really do believe it's important that we work on the relationship we have with ourselves. After all, if we are able to work on the relationship we have with others, why not ourselves?

I go to the ends of the earth for anyone I love and care about. There is no sacrifice I would not make for them. That's just how I roll. However, ironically I never do this for myself...

I am not even my own best friend.

I don't even love myself.

This is not love in a conceited way, but to love ourselves like you would someone else that you care about.

I hope these are words that will give you something to think about and be of use to you. I, personally, need to keep reminding myself of this every day because I'm so accustomed to neglecting myself.

You will have friends in your life and people who care about you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You have a warm and nurturing tone to your writing, which reflects on you as a person. People will be lucky to have a friend like you in their lives. Just trust that things will work out and the dots will connect.

If you really want to show appreciation, then promise me this...

Promise me that you will never give up. Keep trying. Keep making that effort. I believe in you, Grace. And please keep me updated with how you are going, both good or bad. I will always listen.

Spleefy

GraceH
Posts: 23
Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:52 pm
Location: East Coast US

Re: I'm still here

Postby GraceH » Wed Sep 13, 2017 2:40 pm

Wednesday 9/13/2017 (my time is 2:37 PM)

Hi Spleefy,

I'm so glad you got my post! I was worried because it's odd on here sometimes, when I'm navigating--I want people to know I am responding. I check this site a couple times a day, always once a day.

Once again, you're writing is just incredible. But, how can you show people this much passion, understanding, joy for others but none for yourself. Oh gosh, Spleefy, come on you can't be this way to yourself! All that love in you needs to go to you first, buddy. You've got to love you. You're your best when you care for you, love you, respect and appreciate you. You DO count. You matter.

Are you a writer? Because lemme tell ya, your writing is quite moving. Please tell me you are at least journaling? This love you have for this girl, asking Roy to check on her, you've got to write your story down. It's really romantic.

Gosh you're the only person who's ask about my day with my psychologist. Even my mom wasn't interested. The session went well, but I was told how MUCH work I have to do to even get a little of my life back on track. And it scares me. I'm truly terrified that I don't have it in me to do all this work, it's just overwhelming. If you say take one day at a time, I might already be doing that. And that's not really helping when I do one day at a time because so much has and needs to done.

So when I respond back to you on here, you'll have a notification sign showing I've responded? Just wondering how this works. I was thinking of sending you a private message on here, not like private but just making sure you knew I got your reply.

Is your friend, that girl, getting help or therapy? I sure hope so. Are you in therapy? I hope so. Does your family appreciate you? I SURE hope so. I really appreciate you taking the time on here. This site is odd in that so many can be in that chat room but on this page it's quiet as a tomb.

Well I hope your Wednesday is amazing. Have an amazing day. Thank you for being kind. I am grateful.

Grace
************************************************************************
Spleefy wrote:
GraceH wrote:
Spleefy wrote:Grace,

What you said is something I've felt myself as well as experienced with friends. I only just lost a friend yesterday because she feels exactly how you described.

No matter how much I tried to show her that I care and that I have AND always will be there for emotional support or anything she needs, it just wasn't enough. She has thrown in the towel on our relationship. I kept trying, giving her time, being patient...

It just was never enough.

She just kept closing herself off to all the emotional support I was trying to give to her. I had the doors wide open and kept them open, but she just couldn't bring herself to walk through them. I told her that the doors were open, but only she and she alone can walk through them.

Instead, she kept saying how nobody cares about her. How I don't notice her. How it's hard. How busy she is (aka putting effort into the relationship is not a priority). How she lost trust and may not get it back. She lost trust because I took a short break to get my head together, as I slipped into a dark place recently. She said she understood that I was broken and needed to do what I had to do, but when I left she broke. Ever since then she just had lost trust. No matter how much I tried to rebuild it again and show her that I didn't actually leave her, she had told herself over and over that nobody cares about her...

Until it became her truth!

I invested so much time into our relationship and made it a priority. I went above and beyond what most other people in her life are probably doing. And yet she lacked trust in me all because I broke myself and had to get myself together lest I drag her or other people down into it with me. I was just trying to protect her from my dark and toxic headspace, not because I don't love her or care about her. But she just cannot seem to see past this.

Another one of our friends... she also felt broken when I wasn't there. She crashed just as hard over it, if not more. When I came back, things were also different between her and I. However, after reminding her that she needs to put in 100% into this relationship as well, our friendship has reached incredible levels.

Our connection is stronger than it ever has been.

This is because she was willing to work just as much as I am on the relationship.

What this reminded me of is that sometimes we don't see the precious things we have in our life, just like my other friend because of the headspace she is currently in at the moment. We don't see the people that care about us. The depression blocks anything good in our lives if we let it, making us feel:

Alone. Unloved. Unwanted. Disappointed.

But I certainly can relate to how you are feeling because I feel similar. I feel like a placeholder until something better comes along. Because I'm always there for other people, they get used to it. And when you don't meet their expectations, they treat you like you are uncaring and/or just drop you like a sack of spuds.

What I am working on now is giving myself love and emotional support. I give it to other people, but I never seem to give it to myself. I have come to the realization that I need to be the person I want to attract into my life:

people how are unselfish. Loyal. Passionate. Caring.

While I am already these things and more, I cannot rely solely on others to give me this when I cannot even give it to myself. If I rely solely on people to give me these things that I am not willing to do for myself, I will only be disappointed time and again.

You do have people out there who care about you, Grace.

Have you tried reaching out to others? Speaking for myself, I tend to withdraw from people when I'm feeling down. With depression, you end up isolating yourself from everyone. Not because you want to be alone, but you become so consumed by the depression. However, I noticed that, more often than not, if I reach out to others and take an interest in their lives, they will generally reciprocate it. All I need to do is take that initiative.

@littlestarsmum your words are very comforting. Thank you for your contribution.

Grace, you have people who do care. Even strangers can care. We just often feel alone because it's the depression talking. Don't allow this to become your reality. You do have people who care about you because WE care about you. You do matter! This is a fact. Don't allow the depression make you think otherwise! And, give yourself more love and emotional support. Work on the relationship you have with yourself. Give to yourself what you want others to give to you.

From someone who cares,

Spleefy

****************************************
Hi Spleefy,

This has got to be the nicest thing anyone's ever written to me. I don't know what to say. And I'm grateful to hear your story and how things have gone with the loves in your life. I'm sorry someone has left, it sounds like you tried and did everything you could to help and be there for her. I gotta say, wow, the effort you put in there is surely striking.

I'm really stunned at what you've written, to take the time, to be so detailed. I love to write, and I don't think I could write what you've written.

I'll say it again, I'm sorry a friend has lost trust in you and left. It is possible she'll return, when she's better, you think? I really hope so. Sounds like she has a great friend in you, and something is hurting in her, so she needs this time to process how she's feeling and what she's going through? Possibly?

Yes it's true depression blocks so much, drives away all that can be good, lies to us, betrays us, and drives away a lot of people. Least in my life it has.

I actually believe you when you say people do care about me. I mean, my nephew cares about me. You took the time. It would be nice to have friends. I'm seeing a psychologist tomorrow, my second visit, I'll believe with her help I can be that person who makes friends and doesn't leave them before they leave me. I would write more, but I'm truly going back to your post to read it again. I hope the words THANK YOU portray my gratitude and appreciation. --Grace


Hiya Grace,

How did it go with the psychologist? It's good that you are also talking to someone experienced in helping people with depression and other similar experiences.

As for my friend, I have been asking our common friends to keep me updated on how she is coping. Yesterday, I asked my friend, Roy, to ask her to give me a chance to talk to her. But she did not want to.

Roy and I spoke about how to best help her. Since she has cut me off completely at the moment, I asked Roy to just give her love, be there for her, talk to her every day, even if it's just to ask how her day was. Just remind her often how much we all love her and care about her.

She is slowly becoming distant from all of us and I don't want this to happen. She needs people in her life and depression makes you self-sabotage. This is what she is doing and I will be damned if I will let her do this to herself. She may have given up, but I REFUSE to throw in the towel on her.

As you say, once she's had time to process it she will in a better headspace to see that we all care about her. And while I may no longer have direct contact with her, our common friends will keep me updated. I'll do everything I can behind the scenes and make sure to pull us all together. I told Roy that's what we need to do -- unite together. No matter how much she pushes us away, we must stay united.

I can see some of the others getting a little annoyed with her being distant, but I just keep reminding them that it's the depression and not her that is doing this and to never give up on her, no matter what. The depression is making her self-sabotage and it is clouding her judgement. Just keep injecting love until she finds her way back to us.

We must be the light in her darkness because she is not being her own light at the moment. Then, when she does find her way back to us, we can help her to shine in her own light once again. One of the things I admire about her is her strength and resilience. I know she will get through this and be better than ever!

Thank you for your kind words, Grace. And I'm really proud of you for having the strength to work on your life. Having people in our lives is important. If I'm feeling vulnerable, for whatever reason, I tend to push people away to avoid being hurt. But this is just me self-sabotaging out of fear. Depression just exacerbates the fear because we tend to...

Catastrophize. Be cynical. Overthink situations.

I really do believe it's important that we work on the relationship we have with ourselves. After all, if we are able to work on the relationship we have with others, why not ourselves?

I go to the ends of the earth for anyone I love and care about. There is no sacrifice I would not make for them. That's just how I roll. However, ironically I never do this for myself...

I am not even my own best friend.

I don't even love myself.

This is not love in a conceited way, but to love ourselves like you would someone else that you care about.

I hope these are words that will give you something to think about and be of use to you. I, personally, need to keep reminding myself of this every day because I'm so accustomed to neglecting myself.

You will have friends in your life and people who care about you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You have a warm and nurturing tone to your writing, which reflects on you as a person. People will be lucky to have a friend like you in their lives. Just trust that things will work out and the dots will connect.

If you really want to show appreciation, then promise me this...

Promise me that you will never give up. Keep trying. Keep making that effort. I believe in you, Grace. And please keep me updated with how you are going, both good or bad. I will always listen.

Spleefy
We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided. -JK Rowling

GraceH
Posts: 23
Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:52 pm
Location: East Coast US

Re: I'm still here

Postby GraceH » Wed Sep 13, 2017 6:01 pm

lukasz wrote:Thank you for the consoling words :wink: I thought not once about psychologists when things were going really badly.
However, therapists are quite expensive, and I didnt have the money. Also, what is more important I think, I couldn't tell all the things that bothered me to anyone - I had to make it on my own. It was difficult but I have kind of succeeded and am doing much better now. However, certain things have changed and rendered me a little unable to function normally in the society. That's a pity.
Anyway, this is your thread and I don't want to talk about myself :) I wish you all the best, Grace, and remember that you do matter - no less than anyone else!

******************
Lukasz,
This isn't my thread. Is it? This is for anyone to reply or respond or chat, connect, you know, talk. Therapist are expensive, but what about a neighborhood clinic or places that offer free therapy--are you near any? Do you have access to any clinic or places that serve your community or the community at large? You said you couldn't tell all the things that bothered you to anyone, why not? With a therapist you can share any and everything. I certainly do. With depression it does make it hard to function normally in society. Yes it is a pity. Thank you for wishing me the best, but I hope and wish YOU the best. :) Thank you for saying I matter, but YOU matter and YOU need to believe this. I will send you a private chat saying hello, and hope to hear from you soon. I check this site at least once a day, especially as it gets darker at night I log in and check for messages. Take care.
We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided. -JK Rowling

Spleefy
Posts: 19
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: I'm still here

Postby Spleefy » Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:35 am

Hi Grace,

How was your day? I hope you are doing well.

Yeah I do get notifications when someone replies to a post.

I am working on giving myself the same love, nurture, care and respect that I give to others.

You made a great point in that “you’re your best when you care for you, love you, respect and appreciate you”. Thanks for reminding me of this.

No, I’m not a writer lol. Although I do enjoy writing, anything from casual to blogs/website content to eBooks.

As for my friend...

I’ve reached out to her several more times, but she is not interested right now in fixing the friendship. She doesn’t seem to believe that I care.

I have decided to cease pursuing it. I will keep the doors open, but she now must fight her own battles as I must do myself. She must walk through the doors, I can’t keep chasing my own tail here. This isn't me giving up on her... I never give up on friends. I just recognize that she needs space right now to clear her head.

As far as I know, she isn’t getting therapy. I’m not either. I did see the mental health team; however, I’ve been down this road before in the past with youth workers, a psychologist, psychiatrist, counsellors, a therapist, and GP’s.

I am reconsidering whether or not to see a psychologist and continue with the mental health team. My biochemistry is out of whack at the moment, so I just need to restore it and make some drastic changes in my life. I did it myself before and I'll do it again. I just hope the same formula that worked in the past will work again xD

The reason I slipped back into depression is that it’s a message telling me that I have become stagnant and need to start making drastic changes in my life. I know what I need and desire... I just need to make this happen. While I am not even sure how, I just take one day at a time and try not to think too far into the future, for the future will have its own problems.

I’m glad the session went well with the psychologist. I know it seems overwhelming because of all the work that lies ahead of you. And it can certainly be daunting. I guess if it were easy, everyone would be doing it. One of the “perks” of depression is that it forces you to work on your life. It reminds you not to become complacent or to settle instead of achieving what we really want out of life.

Personal development is a lifelong process. This is good because if our lives were perfect and we had nothing to improve, change, or to strive for, then we would become stagnant, unfulfilled, and probably bored.

I try to think of ourselves as a blank canvas that we can write on. Or a block that we can carve into a masterpiece.

I found this quote that resonated with me…

“Life is life, what you do with it is your story and be sure to make lasting memories along the way”.

Grace, you DO have what it takes and you have it in you to do the work. I know it seems like there is so much to do with so little time. The good news is that we have our entire lives to work on it. Rome wasn’t built in a day and nor should our lives be where we want it to be in a day.

Changing our lives and working on it is never easy. But it can also be exhilarating because we have the freedom to make our lives what we want it to be.

Sure, along the way we will encounter obstacles, some more challenging than others. Depression makes it exceedingly difficult, but depression itself can be very powerful if we utilize it to propel us to achieve the unimaginable. But it does take time and a lot of effort, but the rewards are well worth it if you do persevere.

This is how I try to see it, even though there are some days when all I want to do is give up. I just try to hold on to those thoughts and tell myself over and over till it becomes a conviction.

It does seem quiet here, to be honest. But it’s a good place to share experiences as well as offer and receive support.

I hope your day is as incredible as you. Keep moving forward. We can do this, Grace. Just keep on believing and hold onto that faith. I will be doing the same.

Speak soon.

Spleefy

GraceH wrote:Wednesday 9/13/2017 (my time is 2:37 PM)

Hi Spleefy,

I'm so glad you got my post! I was worried because it's odd on here sometimes, when I'm navigating--I want people to know I am responding. I check this site a couple times a day, always once a day.

Once again, you're writing is just incredible. But, how can you show people this much passion, understanding, joy for others but none for yourself. Oh gosh, Spleefy, come on you can't be this way to yourself! All that love in you needs to go to you first, buddy. You've got to love you. You're your best when you care for you, love you, respect and appreciate you. You DO count. You matter.

Are you a writer? Because lemme tell ya, your writing is quite moving. Please tell me you are at least journaling? This love you have for this girl, asking Roy to check on her, you've got to write your story down. It's really romantic.

Gosh you're the only person who's ask about my day with my psychologist. Even my mom wasn't interested. The session went well, but I was told how MUCH work I have to do to even get a little of my life back on track. And it scares me. I'm truly terrified that I don't have it in me to do all this work, it's just overwhelming. If you say take one day at a time, I might already be doing that. And that's not really helping when I do one day at a time because so much has and needs to done.

So when I respond back to you on here, you'll have a notification sign showing I've responded? Just wondering how this works. I was thinking of sending you a private message on here, not like private but just making sure you knew I got your reply.

Is your friend, that girl, getting help or therapy? I sure hope so. Are you in therapy? I hope so. Does your family appreciate you? I SURE hope so. I really appreciate you taking the time on here. This site is odd in that so many can be in that chat room but on this page it's quiet as a tomb.

Well I hope your Wednesday is amazing. Have an amazing day. Thank you for being kind. I am grateful.

Grace
************************************************************************
Spleefy wrote:
GraceH wrote:****************************************
Hi Spleefy,

This has got to be the nicest thing anyone's ever written to me. I don't know what to say. And I'm grateful to hear your story and how things have gone with the loves in your life. I'm sorry someone has left, it sounds like you tried and did everything you could to help and be there for her. I gotta say, wow, the effort you put in there is surely striking.

I'm really stunned at what you've written, to take the time, to be so detailed. I love to write, and I don't think I could write what you've written.

I'll say it again, I'm sorry a friend has lost trust in you and left. It is possible she'll return, when she's better, you think? I really hope so. Sounds like she has a great friend in you, and something is hurting in her, so she needs this time to process how she's feeling and what she's going through? Possibly?

Yes it's true depression blocks so much, drives away all that can be good, lies to us, betrays us, and drives away a lot of people. Least in my life it has.

I actually believe you when you say people do care about me. I mean, my nephew cares about me. You took the time. It would be nice to have friends. I'm seeing a psychologist tomorrow, my second visit, I'll believe with her help I can be that person who makes friends and doesn't leave them before they leave me. I would write more, but I'm truly going back to your post to read it again. I hope the words THANK YOU portray my gratitude and appreciation. --Grace


Hiya Grace,

How did it go with the psychologist? It's good that you are also talking to someone experienced in helping people with depression and other similar experiences.

As for my friend, I have been asking our common friends to keep me updated on how she is coping. Yesterday, I asked my friend, Roy, to ask her to give me a chance to talk to her. But she did not want to.

Roy and I spoke about how to best help her. Since she has cut me off completely at the moment, I asked Roy to just give her love, be there for her, talk to her every day, even if it's just to ask how her day was. Just remind her often how much we all love her and care about her.

She is slowly becoming distant from all of us and I don't want this to happen. She needs people in her life and depression makes you self-sabotage. This is what she is doing and I will be damned if I will let her do this to herself. She may have given up, but I REFUSE to throw in the towel on her.

As you say, once she's had time to process it she will in a better headspace to see that we all care about her. And while I may no longer have direct contact with her, our common friends will keep me updated. I'll do everything I can behind the scenes and make sure to pull us all together. I told Roy that's what we need to do -- unite together. No matter how much she pushes us away, we must stay united.

I can see some of the others getting a little annoyed with her being distant, but I just keep reminding them that it's the depression and not her that is doing this and to never give up on her, no matter what. The depression is making her self-sabotage and it is clouding her judgement. Just keep injecting love until she finds her way back to us.

We must be the light in her darkness because she is not being her own light at the moment. Then, when she does find her way back to us, we can help her to shine in her own light once again. One of the things I admire about her is her strength and resilience. I know she will get through this and be better than ever!

Thank you for your kind words, Grace. And I'm really proud of you for having the strength to work on your life. Having people in our lives is important. If I'm feeling vulnerable, for whatever reason, I tend to push people away to avoid being hurt. But this is just me self-sabotaging out of fear. Depression just exacerbates the fear because we tend to...

Catastrophize. Be cynical. Overthink situations.

I really do believe it's important that we work on the relationship we have with ourselves. After all, if we are able to work on the relationship we have with others, why not ourselves?

I go to the ends of the earth for anyone I love and care about. There is no sacrifice I would not make for them. That's just how I roll. However, ironically I never do this for myself...

I am not even my own best friend.

I don't even love myself.

This is not love in a conceited way, but to love ourselves like you would someone else that you care about.

I hope these are words that will give you something to think about and be of use to you. I, personally, need to keep reminding myself of this every day because I'm so accustomed to neglecting myself.

You will have friends in your life and people who care about you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You have a warm and nurturing tone to your writing, which reflects on you as a person. People will be lucky to have a friend like you in their lives. Just trust that things will work out and the dots will connect.

If you really want to show appreciation, then promise me this...

Promise me that you will never give up. Keep trying. Keep making that effort. I believe in you, Grace. And please keep me updated with how you are going, both good or bad. I will always listen.

Spleefy

GraceH
Posts: 23
Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:52 pm
Location: East Coast US

Hi there ...

Postby GraceH » Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:58 am

Hi Spleefy,

Everything you write is so wonderful. I can't believe I'm lucky and get to read your writing. I'm sorry your friend is still blocking your friendship and attempts to stay connected. I do believe she'll come around, when she's better--when she's sorted out her issues and can deal again. I believe this.

I'm glad you can appreciate yourself. That's great news. I'm also glad you feel you might need some additional therapy, and will pursue this. Sounds like you have a plan and can work things out? I'm happy to hear this.

Yes, I do need to believe in myself, more. I'm just tired, depression messes with my sleep, eating, and yes I'm already worrying about the future (when you rightly said, don't do this because the future already has enough problems..). I'm a worry wart. :oops:

YOu said something about biochemistry? But you're able to deal with this and handle it? Great! :)

So you do do some writing, that's fantastic. Blogs count, ebooks count, I knew I noticed a writer in you. I'm glad you get notifications when i post back to you. I like people knowing that I do respond, and care to take the time to write back. Well, I'll get on with my Saturday. I hope your Saturday is an awesome day. You take care.

Grace

Spleefy wrote:Hi Grace,

How was your day? I hope you are doing well.

Yeah I do get notifications when someone replies to a post.

I am working on giving myself the same love, nurture, care and respect that I give to others.

You made a great point in that “you’re your best when you care for you, love you, respect and appreciate you”. Thanks for reminding me of this.

No, I’m not a writer lol. Although I do enjoy writing, anything from casual to blogs/website content to eBooks.

As for my friend...

I’ve reached out to her several more times, but she is not interested right now in fixing the friendship. She doesn’t seem to believe that I care.

I have decided to cease pursuing it. I will keep the doors open, but she now must fight her own battles as I must do myself. She must walk through the doors, I can’t keep chasing my own tail here. This isn't me giving up on her... I never give up on friends. I just recognize that she needs space right now to clear her head.

As far as I know, she isn’t getting therapy. I’m not either. I did see the mental health team; however, I’ve been down this road before in the past with youth workers, a psychologist, psychiatrist, counsellors, a therapist, and GP’s.

I am reconsidering whether or not to see a psychologist and continue with the mental health team. My biochemistry is out of whack at the moment, so I just need to restore it and make some drastic changes in my life. I did it myself before and I'll do it again. I just hope the same formula that worked in the past will work again xD

The reason I slipped back into depression is that it’s a message telling me that I have become stagnant and need to start making drastic changes in my life. I know what I need and desire... I just need to make this happen. While I am not even sure how, I just take one day at a time and try not to think too far into the future, for the future will have its own problems.

I’m glad the session went well with the psychologist. I know it seems overwhelming because of all the work that lies ahead of you. And it can certainly be daunting. I guess if it were easy, everyone would be doing it. One of the “perks” of depression is that it forces you to work on your life. It reminds you not to become complacent or to settle instead of achieving what we really want out of life.

Personal development is a lifelong process. This is good because if our lives were perfect and we had nothing to improve, change, or to strive for, then we would become stagnant, unfulfilled, and probably bored.

I try to think of ourselves as a blank canvas that we can write on. Or a block that we can carve into a masterpiece.

I found this quote that resonated with me…

“Life is life, what you do with it is your story and be sure to make lasting memories along the way”.

Grace, you DO have what it takes and you have it in you to do the work. I know it seems like there is so much to do with so little time. The good news is that we have our entire lives to work on it. Rome wasn’t built in a day and nor should our lives be where we want it to be in a day.

Changing our lives and working on it is never easy. But it can also be exhilarating because we have the freedom to make our lives what we want it to be.

Sure, along the way we will encounter obstacles, some more challenging than others. Depression makes it exceedingly difficult, but depression itself can be very powerful if we utilize it to propel us to achieve the unimaginable. But it does take time and a lot of effort, but the rewards are well worth it if you do persevere.

This is how I try to see it, even though there are some days when all I want to do is give up. I just try to hold on to those thoughts and tell myself over and over till it becomes a conviction.

It does seem quiet here, to be honest. But it’s a good place to share experiences as well as offer and receive support.

I hope your day is as incredible as you. Keep moving forward. We can do this, Grace. Just keep on believing and hold onto that faith. I will be doing the same.

Speak soon.

Spleefy

GraceH wrote:Wednesday 9/13/2017 (my time is 2:37 PM)

Hi Spleefy,

I'm so glad you got my post! I was worried because it's odd on here sometimes, when I'm navigating--I want people to know I am responding. I check this site a couple times a day, always once a day.

Once again, you're writing is just incredible. But, how can you show people this much passion, understanding, joy for others but none for yourself. Oh gosh, Spleefy, come on you can't be this way to yourself! All that love in you needs to go to you first, buddy. You've got to love you. You're your best when you care for you, love you, respect and appreciate you. You DO count. You matter.

Are you a writer? Because lemme tell ya, your writing is quite moving. Please tell me you are at least journaling? This love you have for this girl, asking Roy to check on her, you've got to write your story down. It's really romantic.

Gosh you're the only person who's ask about my day with my psychologist. Even my mom wasn't interested. The session went well, but I was told how MUCH work I have to do to even get a little of my life back on track. And it scares me. I'm truly terrified that I don't have it in me to do all this work, it's just overwhelming. If you say take one day at a time, I might already be doing that. And that's not really helping when I do one day at a time because so much has and needs to done.

So when I respond back to you on here, you'll have a notification sign showing I've responded? Just wondering how this works. I was thinking of sending you a private message on here, not like private but just making sure you knew I got your reply.

Is your friend, that girl, getting help or therapy? I sure hope so. Are you in therapy? I hope so. Does your family appreciate you? I SURE hope so. I really appreciate you taking the time on here. This site is odd in that so many can be in that chat room but on this page it's quiet as a tomb.

Well I hope your Wednesday is amazing. Have an amazing day. Thank you for being kind. I am grateful.

Grace
************************************************************************
Spleefy wrote:
Hiya Grace,

How did it go with the psychologist? It's good that you are also talking to someone experienced in helping people with depression and other similar experiences.

As for my friend, I have been asking our common friends to keep me updated on how she is coping. Yesterday, I asked my friend, Roy, to ask her to give me a chance to talk to her. But she did not want to.

Roy and I spoke about how to best help her. Since she has cut me off completely at the moment, I asked Roy to just give her love, be there for her, talk to her every day, even if it's just to ask how her day was. Just remind her often how much we all love her and care about her.

She is slowly becoming distant from all of us and I don't want this to happen. She needs people in her life and depression makes you self-sabotage. This is what she is doing and I will be damned if I will let her do this to herself. She may have given up, but I REFUSE to throw in the towel on her.

As you say, once she's had time to process it she will in a better headspace to see that we all care about her. And while I may no longer have direct contact with her, our common friends will keep me updated. I'll do everything I can behind the scenes and make sure to pull us all together. I told Roy that's what we need to do -- unite together. No matter how much she pushes us away, we must stay united.

I can see some of the others getting a little annoyed with her being distant, but I just keep reminding them that it's the depression and not her that is doing this and to never give up on her, no matter what. The depression is making her self-sabotage and it is clouding her judgement. Just keep injecting love until she finds her way back to us.

We must be the light in her darkness because she is not being her own light at the moment. Then, when she does find her way back to us, we can help her to shine in her own light once again. One of the things I admire about her is her strength and resilience. I know she will get through this and be better than ever!

Thank you for your kind words, Grace. And I'm really proud of you for having the strength to work on your life. Having people in our lives is important. If I'm feeling vulnerable, for whatever reason, I tend to push people away to avoid being hurt. But this is just me self-sabotaging out of fear. Depression just exacerbates the fear because we tend to...

Catastrophize. Be cynical. Overthink situations.

I really do believe it's important that we work on the relationship we have with ourselves. After all, if we are able to work on the relationship we have with others, why not ourselves?

I go to the ends of the earth for anyone I love and care about. There is no sacrifice I would not make for them. That's just how I roll. However, ironically I never do this for myself...

I am not even my own best friend.

I don't even love myself.

This is not love in a conceited way, but to love ourselves like you would someone else that you care about.

I hope these are words that will give you something to think about and be of use to you. I, personally, need to keep reminding myself of this every day because I'm so accustomed to neglecting myself.

You will have friends in your life and people who care about you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You have a warm and nurturing tone to your writing, which reflects on you as a person. People will be lucky to have a friend like you in their lives. Just trust that things will work out and the dots will connect.

If you really want to show appreciation, then promise me this...

Promise me that you will never give up. Keep trying. Keep making that effort. I believe in you, Grace. And please keep me updated with how you are going, both good or bad. I will always listen.

Spleefy
We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided. -JK Rowling

Spleefy
Posts: 19
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Hi there ...

Postby Spleefy » Sun Sep 17, 2017 9:40 am

Hi Grace,

Oh stop, you’ll give me a big head xD But, seriously, thank you for the compliments.

It’s my friend’s birthday today. I sent her a birthday card that will hopefully lift her spirits.

Well, I was going to get some counseling, but it doesn’t feel right for me. This is likely because I’ve had a fair bit of it the past with so many different therapists and youth workers that there is nothing really more they can say that I haven’t already heard or tell myself.

I know what the problem is. I know why I slipped back into depression. I know what needs to be done. And I know I can get myself back out of it rapidly.

Of course, there are some days that it is just so hard. But instead of trying to make things necessarily “better”, I just allow myself to feel what I’m feeling.

I know that what how I feel at any given point in time, will not mean I will feel the same way tomorrow or even in a few hours. I just have to give myself extra loving kindness during the troughs and I know I’ll get through it.

Yes, when I restore balance to my biochemistry, my thinking will follow and I’ll be able to cope much more effectively.

Thank you for taking the time to write back. It’s always a pleasure. I would like to build a support network on this forum.

I believe that, since everyone one of us on this forum are broken in some way, then we can bring out the best in each other to be able to fix ourselves.

I hope you’ve been doing well, Grace. Until next time, please take care and keep on being the best you that you can be.

Spleefy

GraceH wrote:Hi Spleefy,

Everything you write is so wonderful. I can't believe I'm lucky and get to read your writing. I'm sorry your friend is still blocking your friendship and attempts to stay connected. I do believe she'll come around, when she's better--when she's sorted out her issues and can deal again. I believe this.

I'm glad you can appreciate yourself. That's great news. I'm also glad you feel you might need some additional therapy, and will pursue this. Sounds like you have a plan and can work things out? I'm happy to hear this.

Yes, I do need to believe in myself, more. I'm just tired, depression messes with my sleep, eating, and yes I'm already worrying about the future (when you rightly said, don't do this because the future already has enough problems..). I'm a worry wart. :oops:

YOu said something about biochemistry? But you're able to deal with this and handle it? Great! :)

So you do do some writing, that's fantastic. Blogs count, ebooks count, I knew I noticed a writer in you. I'm glad you get notifications when i post back to you. I like people knowing that I do respond, and care to take the time to write back. Well, I'll get on with my Saturday. I hope your Saturday is an awesome day. You take care.

Grace

Spleefy wrote:Hi Grace,

How was your day? I hope you are doing well.

Yeah I do get notifications when someone replies to a post.

I am working on giving myself the same love, nurture, care and respect that I give to others.

You made a great point in that “you’re your best when you care for you, love you, respect and appreciate you”. Thanks for reminding me of this.

No, I’m not a writer lol. Although I do enjoy writing, anything from casual to blogs/website content to eBooks.

As for my friend...

I’ve reached out to her several more times, but she is not interested right now in fixing the friendship. She doesn’t seem to believe that I care.

I have decided to cease pursuing it. I will keep the doors open, but she now must fight her own battles as I must do myself. She must walk through the doors, I can’t keep chasing my own tail here. This isn't me giving up on her... I never give up on friends. I just recognize that she needs space right now to clear her head.

As far as I know, she isn’t getting therapy. I’m not either. I did see the mental health team; however, I’ve been down this road before in the past with youth workers, a psychologist, psychiatrist, counsellors, a therapist, and GP’s.

I am reconsidering whether or not to see a psychologist and continue with the mental health team. My biochemistry is out of whack at the moment, so I just need to restore it and make some drastic changes in my life. I did it myself before and I'll do it again. I just hope the same formula that worked in the past will work again xD

The reason I slipped back into depression is that it’s a message telling me that I have become stagnant and need to start making drastic changes in my life. I know what I need and desire... I just need to make this happen. While I am not even sure how, I just take one day at a time and try not to think too far into the future, for the future will have its own problems.

I’m glad the session went well with the psychologist. I know it seems overwhelming because of all the work that lies ahead of you. And it can certainly be daunting. I guess if it were easy, everyone would be doing it. One of the “perks” of depression is that it forces you to work on your life. It reminds you not to become complacent or to settle instead of achieving what we really want out of life.

Personal development is a lifelong process. This is good because if our lives were perfect and we had nothing to improve, change, or to strive for, then we would become stagnant, unfulfilled, and probably bored.

I try to think of ourselves as a blank canvas that we can write on. Or a block that we can carve into a masterpiece.

I found this quote that resonated with me…

“Life is life, what you do with it is your story and be sure to make lasting memories along the way”.

Grace, you DO have what it takes and you have it in you to do the work. I know it seems like there is so much to do with so little time. The good news is that we have our entire lives to work on it. Rome wasn’t built in a day and nor should our lives be where we want it to be in a day.

Changing our lives and working on it is never easy. But it can also be exhilarating because we have the freedom to make our lives what we want it to be.

Sure, along the way we will encounter obstacles, some more challenging than others. Depression makes it exceedingly difficult, but depression itself can be very powerful if we utilize it to propel us to achieve the unimaginable. But it does take time and a lot of effort, but the rewards are well worth it if you do persevere.

This is how I try to see it, even though there are some days when all I want to do is give up. I just try to hold on to those thoughts and tell myself over and over till it becomes a conviction.

It does seem quiet here, to be honest. But it’s a good place to share experiences as well as offer and receive support.

I hope your day is as incredible as you. Keep moving forward. We can do this, Grace. Just keep on believing and hold onto that faith. I will be doing the same.

Speak soon.

Spleefy

GraceH wrote:Wednesday 9/13/2017 (my time is 2:37 PM)

Hi Spleefy,

I'm so glad you got my post! I was worried because it's odd on here sometimes, when I'm navigating--I want people to know I am responding. I check this site a couple times a day, always once a day.

Once again, you're writing is just incredible. But, how can you show people this much passion, understanding, joy for others but none for yourself. Oh gosh, Spleefy, come on you can't be this way to yourself! All that love in you needs to go to you first, buddy. You've got to love you. You're your best when you care for you, love you, respect and appreciate you. You DO count. You matter.

Are you a writer? Because lemme tell ya, your writing is quite moving. Please tell me you are at least journaling? This love you have for this girl, asking Roy to check on her, you've got to write your story down. It's really romantic.

Gosh you're the only person who's ask about my day with my psychologist. Even my mom wasn't interested. The session went well, but I was told how MUCH work I have to do to even get a little of my life back on track. And it scares me. I'm truly terrified that I don't have it in me to do all this work, it's just overwhelming. If you say take one day at a time, I might already be doing that. And that's not really helping when I do one day at a time because so much has and needs to done.

So when I respond back to you on here, you'll have a notification sign showing I've responded? Just wondering how this works. I was thinking of sending you a private message on here, not like private but just making sure you knew I got your reply.

Is your friend, that girl, getting help or therapy? I sure hope so. Are you in therapy? I hope so. Does your family appreciate you? I SURE hope so. I really appreciate you taking the time on here. This site is odd in that so many can be in that chat room but on this page it's quiet as a tomb.

Well I hope your Wednesday is amazing. Have an amazing day. Thank you for being kind. I am grateful.

Grace
************************************************************************

GraceH
Posts: 23
Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:52 pm
Location: East Coast US

Re: Hi there ...

Postby GraceH » Sun Sep 17, 2017 3:28 pm

Hi Spleefy,

Happy birthday to your friend, I hope they enjoy the card and time you put in to send it and think of them.

I'm happy to hear if you're able, you have the ability to fix yourself. That's amazing. Highly motivating.

Yes going to many therapist after awhile feels like, nothing moving forward, your going here and there and to this person and that--but nothing is changing. I know that feeling. Unfortunately for me, I don't know how to fix myself and I"m not equipped to motivate myself and find out how to fix myself. I feel resigned to, this is it. But it can't be, so that's why I go to my psychologist.

That's interesting when you said you allow yourself to feel a certain way, and maybe climb out of that? That's very interesting. And true in that I've heard when one is sad, crying it out is the healthiest thing one can do.

Oh it's always nice communicating with you. And to find a way to get these forums more, organized, where people are helping other people would be great. I was about to quit this forum (when they don't even have a "delete my account" button on here) when I saw that a message could be sent directly to someone--but I was about to quit because in that chat room are so many people, but where are they when newbies sign on and try to reach out to people on here. I clicked on like to seven different people but only heard back from you and another. This forum could be a powerful place to meet and greet if people could know, we're here, we're trying to reach out, we do care and we're all in this together.

Thank YOU for your kindness. You'll never get a big head, you seem too down to earth and that's the sign of a very good person. :)
Have a lovely Sunday, take care. Always.
G
************
Spleefy wrote:Hi Grace,

Oh stop, you’ll give me a big head xD But, seriously, thank you for the compliments.

It’s my friend’s birthday today. I sent her a birthday card that will hopefully lift her spirits.

Well, I was going to get some counseling, but it doesn’t feel right for me. This is likely because I’ve had a fair bit of it the past with so many different therapists and youth workers that there is nothing really more they can say that I haven’t already heard or tell myself.

I know what the problem is. I know why I slipped back into depression. I know what needs to be done. And I know I can get myself back out of it rapidly.

Of course, there are some days that it is just so hard. But instead of trying to make things necessarily “better”, I just allow myself to feel what I’m feeling.

I know that what how I feel at any given point in time, will not mean I will feel the same way tomorrow or even in a few hours. I just have to give myself extra loving kindness during the troughs and I know I’ll get through it.

Yes, when I restore balance to my biochemistry, my thinking will follow and I’ll be able to cope much more effectively.

Thank you for taking the time to write back. It’s always a pleasure. I would like to build a support network on this forum.

I believe that, since everyone one of us on this forum are broken in some way, then we can bring out the best in each other to be able to fix ourselves.

I hope you’ve been doing well, Grace. Until next time, please take care and keep on being the best you that you can be.

Spleefy

GraceH wrote:Hi Spleefy,

Everything you write is so wonderful. I can't believe I'm lucky and get to read your writing. I'm sorry your friend is still blocking your friendship and attempts to stay connected. I do believe she'll come around, when she's better--when she's sorted out her issues and can deal again. I believe this.

I'm glad you can appreciate yourself. That's great news. I'm also glad you feel you might need some additional therapy, and will pursue this. Sounds like you have a plan and can work things out? I'm happy to hear this.

Yes, I do need to believe in myself, more. I'm just tired, depression messes with my sleep, eating, and yes I'm already worrying about the future (when you rightly said, don't do this because the future already has enough problems..). I'm a worry wart. :oops:

YOu said something about biochemistry? But you're able to deal with this and handle it? Great! :)

So you do do some writing, that's fantastic. Blogs count, ebooks count, I knew I noticed a writer in you. I'm glad you get notifications when i post back to you. I like people knowing that I do respond, and care to take the time to write back. Well, I'll get on with my Saturday. I hope your Saturday is an awesome day. You take care.

Grace

Spleefy wrote:Hi Grace,

How was your day? I hope you are doing well.

Yeah I do get notifications when someone replies to a post.

I am working on giving myself the same love, nurture, care and respect that I give to others.

You made a great point in that “you’re your best when you care for you, love you, respect and appreciate you”. Thanks for reminding me of this.

No, I’m not a writer lol. Although I do enjoy writing, anything from casual to blogs/website content to eBooks.

As for my friend...

I’ve reached out to her several more times, but she is not interested right now in fixing the friendship. She doesn’t seem to believe that I care.

I have decided to cease pursuing it. I will keep the doors open, but she now must fight her own battles as I must do myself. She must walk through the doors, I can’t keep chasing my own tail here. This isn't me giving up on her... I never give up on friends. I just recognize that she needs space right now to clear her head.

As far as I know, she isn’t getting therapy. I’m not either. I did see the mental health team; however, I’ve been down this road before in the past with youth workers, a psychologist, psychiatrist, counsellors, a therapist, and GP’s.

I am reconsidering whether or not to see a psychologist and continue with the mental health team. My biochemistry is out of whack at the moment, so I just need to restore it and make some drastic changes in my life. I did it myself before and I'll do it again. I just hope the same formula that worked in the past will work again xD

The reason I slipped back into depression is that it’s a message telling me that I have become stagnant and need to start making drastic changes in my life. I know what I need and desire... I just need to make this happen. While I am not even sure how, I just take one day at a time and try not to think too far into the future, for the future will have its own problems.

I’m glad the session went well with the psychologist. I know it seems overwhelming because of all the work that lies ahead of you. And it can certainly be daunting. I guess if it were easy, everyone would be doing it. One of the “perks” of depression is that it forces you to work on your life. It reminds you not to become complacent or to settle instead of achieving what we really want out of life.

Personal development is a lifelong process. This is good because if our lives were perfect and we had nothing to improve, change, or to strive for, then we would become stagnant, unfulfilled, and probably bored.

I try to think of ourselves as a blank canvas that we can write on. Or a block that we can carve into a masterpiece.

I found this quote that resonated with me…

“Life is life, what you do with it is your story and be sure to make lasting memories along the way”.

Grace, you DO have what it takes and you have it in you to do the work. I know it seems like there is so much to do with so little time. The good news is that we have our entire lives to work on it. Rome wasn’t built in a day and nor should our lives be where we want it to be in a day.

Changing our lives and working on it is never easy. But it can also be exhilarating because we have the freedom to make our lives what we want it to be.

Sure, along the way we will encounter obstacles, some more challenging than others. Depression makes it exceedingly difficult, but depression itself can be very powerful if we utilize it to propel us to achieve the unimaginable. But it does take time and a lot of effort, but the rewards are well worth it if you do persevere.

This is how I try to see it, even though there are some days when all I want to do is give up. I just try to hold on to those thoughts and tell myself over and over till it becomes a conviction.

It does seem quiet here, to be honest. But it’s a good place to share experiences as well as offer and receive support.

I hope your day is as incredible as you. Keep moving forward. We can do this, Grace. Just keep on believing and hold onto that faith. I will be doing the same.

Speak soon.

Spleefy

We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided. -JK Rowling


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