Depression Understood Forums

Hello. I am new here. Here is my problems in a nutshell: I am addicted to a drug called "Tramadol" and as of now, I am taking a drug to get off of it, called "Suboxone." Well, I am still depressed as ever. My live-in-boyfriend won't really have anything to do with me, physically, and doesn't even sleep in the same bed as me. I feel very, very alone. I can't even get a hug from him and I think this is making me feel more depressed than ever. He has stayed with me through this horrible addiction, but now....he tells me that he does not feel like being intimate with me, because of all the addiction bullshit I have put him through, like the lying, cheating, pill popping, etc. I have asked him why he is still with me and he says, "What are you stupid or something? I have been in this relationship for over 7 years. I can't just walk out!"

I can't even go anywhere in public with him, because every time I do, there is always some girl that looks prettier, thinner and cutier than me, and I feel like crap about myself. I have no clothes, I am overweight, and wear glasses that make my eyes look 10 x littlier than they are. I have so much to tell, but not enough space to type it. Not only does my boyfriend ignore me, and gives other women a lot more attention (he has a lot of female friends), but he has straight up told me that he doesn't want to take me to his functions (he is an insurance agent, who goes to a lot of meetings, business parties, etc) because he told me that I talk too much, and I talk way too loud. I have a loud voice. I can't help it. Everyone I have met tells me I talk too loud. ANyway, that just makes me feel like he is ashamed of me and embarrassed of me. Anyway, it is getting really hard for me to even get out of the house, because I feel everyone hates being around me. All I do is sit by the pool at our apartment complex and read my book, swim, and try to get tan. That's it. I am a chubby, tan, ex-druggy, who doesn't have a job, no driver license (I can't afford to pay a ticket I have to renew it) no vehicle, and no life. Now, I don't even have a boyfriend who loves me anymore....I have even tried fixing myself up, and it doesn't work. Everyone says I am pretty, but I just don't see it. I am VERY DEPRESSED!!!!!!!! and lonely............

Roxanne,
While Ive never been in your shoes. I can somewhat understand what you and your boyfriend has gone through. My mom is with someone who is addicted to drugs and alcohol, and when he was under the influence, she never wanted the intimacy with him either. He recently went to detox and they are going to give it another try.
Have you tried telling him how you feel? Tell him that you are sorry because of the addiction problem, and you are trying to leave it as a thing of the past. And that you want things to get better between the two of you?
My mom had started feeling like the only time her husband had wanted anything to do with her was when he was drugged, or high. Maybe explain to him, and show him that its not the case. As far as being to loud, you say you don't realize it. Maybe try taping yourself and listening to it? Or telling him, I will try and work on this but I need your help. If you find I am talking too much or too loud or something please just tap me lightly on the arm or something so that I can try to concentrate on not doing it.
And be sure to tell him that him not wanting you to go with him, is having a negative effect and that you both need to work on it. I understand you can be upset about him having more girl that are friends and him showing more attention. But you need to realize you are the one he is with. Jealousy tends to just push people away. When a lot of times our jealousy stems from us being insecure and not about them.
Sorry I hope this makes sense. And I truly am sorry that he is doing the way he is. Maybe if you try some of these things, your choice of course maybe you will see some improvement. But please know you arent alone and there are others out there with similar expereinces. And there are people that are willing and ready to listen. Best of luck and welcome to the forum.

Holly

I agree with Holly. Try and talk to him and get him to understand what you are going thru and that his attitude towards you isn't helping at all.

(((( huggs ))))

Welcome Roxie,

Your boyfriend sounds like he has some passive-aggressive anger issues. He is angry with you but can't come straight out and say it. Instead, he does things that tick you off (the other girl friends, not taking you out to the functions, making you feel infferior, ect.).

If he continues to stay with you, then he is getting something from your relationship. It could just be a roof over his head or the pleasure of making you miserable. Or maybe he does love you but he can't find a way to rid himself of the anger and resentment that has built up during your drug use.

Either way, you need to be the woman that he wants to be with. Be pleasant around him. Be kind and courtesy to him. Take care of yourself by eating right and exercising more. Spend more time in the pool instead of around the pool getting a tan. Concentrate on the positive things in your life, even if you can only think of one thing. Count your blessings (literally) every day. It is harder to be depressed with a positive attitude. Remind yourself of one of your strengths each day. This may be hard at first because you will instinctively shoot them down immediately.

Show him that you are going to change your behaviors so that drug use won't be tempting to you any longer. He will probably be sceptical of your change. He will need to see the new you for a while before he believes it. But if he is worth it to you, then the change is worth doing.

Take care.

We each have to follow our own belief systems. But I do think you do need to take the steps to make sure you are ok. And if that means joining groups like Narc-anon then do that. Looks like you have a lot of decisions you will be making in the upcoming future. Please keep talking to us and let us help if we can.