My dad left for the last time when i was three, after four years he took our money we had been saving up for a car to spend on a trip around the world with his girlfriend, then moved interstate.
I think the main cause of my depression is that, my mum had severe depression for a long time after he left. And she wouldn't get out of bed for days on end only to cook dinner. i am not really good at putting all this into writing sorry.
I felt pretty alone for a long time after that, I had a hard time adjusting at school and would cry all the time for no reason, I was really shy. My most horrible memory was being late for school, and my class was on the tennis court but my mum wouldn't walk me down there and I was too scared to go down myself so I hid in the bushes and cried until the teacher found me.
I try to cover up my sadness alot, if you asked my friends they would all probably say i was a happy loud person but I constantly cover up my loneliness with being obnoxious. I have close friends that I can be myself with but can't help the feeling of wanting to go home, i am very anxious about what my friends think of me as they are all so pretty and I think myself as ugly.
I have made so many mistakes in my life that I regret thinking about my past, I resorted to self harm over many years since I was about 12. I am not confortable talking to strangers eg counsellors therefore I can hardly ever express my feelings unless I am by myself or on rare occasions.
I am very thankful for what I have now, a week-end job, some good close friends. i have good potential if I can beat this insecurity I constantly feel, the need to say something, that shows i am ok. I have a good step-father who cares very much for my family and takes care of us all. I know there are people so much worse off than me and I think very highly of you all.
Thankyou for listening.
