The pain, is not easy to handle

[seniorDi]

I have been dealing with depression since menopause (15 yrs) but when I lost my position of 16 yrs I was up for a battle. Now it has been 4 yrs, I lost everything, credit, savings to survive. I am now homeless..every single job I applied which is many, I knew my age had alot to do with it.
This Xmas nearly took a toll on me, still dealing with the pain....not a easy task.

My life was my girls, I now lost them I moved in with my oldest, took care of my grandson, they both have careers, I was pleased to babysit my grandson, but being isolated never going out babysitting all the time my depression got worse, then words of using to much toilet paper etc... then when I mention I was going to my youngest place in the Niagara region to look for a job, they were angry, I was making a bad decision which didn't help my frame of mine. SHe was angry..I told her I had to survive I had to go where jobs were.............and loaded my car and left to my youngest daughter place.

I did receive a email saying I was toxic to the family, it was a good thing I left.

I dealt with my emotions, then lost my car it was done after that trip had to bring it to the wreckers.

Got a job at a call centre, my youngest got settlement which it was possible to buy a van they are also a young family with a 3 month baby, stating I could use the van to work and drive them where they needed to go she only as her temporary license, but driving them after working every night for 2-3 hrs I was exhausted asking if they can organize themselfs for I can drive them maybe 2-3 times around plus she is not a easy person to get along with but I had to try knowing a job and in 2-3 months I could get my own place. It was worth it to try....

I waked on eggs shells but kept thinking temporary, then she offered to lend me 2,000 to buy a used car, I found one and knew this would give me a little of my endependence back.

Then Xmas, my oldest came up they plan Xmas dinner out, exchange of gifts and spend the day together at their motel.

But leaving me behind, my youngest join them...........and this was the worse pain I thought I would not make the day.

THe next day, when I was getting my car, they lost the money which she put in a box of cereal (cash) when I told her to put it in the freezer not in a box of cereal. I felt in my heart because loosing the money no reaction of the lost it was a way to no longer loan me the money.

I just lost it, dealing with the day before of my two daughter left me behind to be left alone.
I completely lost it, needed to be away from her took the last 200.00 dollars took a room, said a few words to my daughter they dropped me off at the motel, but did ask me to leave my plates on the van and my car insurance . She knew I had no food I went 4 days without food called a friend , she hired someone to come to niagara to pick me up.
I emailed my youngest and discharged how I felt, then received a reply how much she hated me never to contact her, and I no longer have daughters or grandchildren.

Sorry need to stop talking about it I will be back on later......Thank you for listen.

[xn728]

sorry my freind you have had it rough indeed ,but even through this pain you survive ,maybe you need to stop for a moment ,look back and see how strong you have become ,,i cant say much just now as i battle with my demons ,,but i can say welcome to the forum and i hope you find some support here ,,you will not walk alone in your life anymore now
that you have found this place im sure you will make many new freinds here ,and the feeling of being alone will lesson for you ,please be strong my new freind ,,and if you should stumble on this harsh journey of yours
i will walk at your side ,and steady you so you may not fall ,be strong my freind seniorDi ,the kindness and warmth of this place we call home knows
nows no boudries and were ever you are in the world ,the kind words will reach out and touch you ,,feel the warmth i send to you now ,my own pain is great at this time but i will ,happily send you what love i have. be safe dear freind ,,,,hugs xn728 ,,,ken xxx

[Mich]

I am so sorry. Your pain is so great. Please remember that you are never alone here. There are many wonderful people here to listen and to help you carry your burden. You are in my thoughts.