BEFORE THE FIRE ,,,,,,,,XN728

[xn728]

WELL as i said before the visitor came to me when i was seven ,appeared as a cloaked figure in my bedroom
doorway ,no face just a dark empty hole ,i would look in many times but all i would see were echos of my life,
after the visitor came i started doing odd things ,i would light little fires ,and scrath things in my skin
with pins ,stars and little stick men dying and stuff,the other kids always tormented me ,they would ask me
to play ,like hide and seek ,when it was my turn to find them i would look all over ,but wouldent find them
as i made my way home ,i would see them playing somewere ,else they would point and laugh as i passed by .
as i got older freinds i had at school would ,nip into a shop or cross the road when they saw me ,if they
were in a group ,they would hurl abuse ,call me weirdo ,or headbanger ,when i started drinking ,they would
come up to me as if we were best freinds and ask if i would meet them later for a drink ,of course i would
fall for this ,and be stood alone again .i was struggling with who i was at this time ,the rejections had
hurt and i wanted to find my way ,then the punk music burst onto the scene,it lifted me up and carried me into
a new world one that would utimately nearly destroy me .but i would become someone who everyone wanted to know
i had been born again ,and the power and feeling of being wanted ,i grasp eagerly with both hands ,i dyed my
hair henna red ,and made some wicked outfits,i had a white suit ,and i stenciled prisoner type arrows all over it
when i first wore this the reaction was more than i could hoped for ,lots of punks i didnt know ,soon became
my freinds ,the more popular i became the more flamboyant my outfits and hair would become ,people wanted
to be seen with me ,because i looked the part ,but they were still good freinds and i loved the attention
by this time i had left home ,but i would always find somewere to sleep ,and my new freinds and i had a lot
of good times ,sometimes i would have to go home and would walk in the early hours ,this would more than once
result in me getting some very severe beatings ,and i still have the scars today ,punks were hated ,and if we came
across teddy boys ,then trouble would flare ,everybody would rallie road when id been fighting ,so then i started
self harming ,breaking bottles and cutting my face and arms ,all for attention of course ,and the fire ,would be
just around the corner ,an event that would change my life forever ,but first i would be joined by an angel ,
someone who without knowing would prevent me from destoying my self entirely ,,,i,ll talk about that soon
thanks for listening ,,,,,,,,,,xn728 ken

[Mich]

It makes me so sad that kids were so mean to you as a boy. I constantly worry about this for my own kids....especially my son because he is quiet and now has some acne...I worry that he will be teased and shunned. I am so sorry you had to live this nightmare. I wish you had found some kind, loving people in your life when you were young.

[xn728]

its ok mich im big now ,keep your eye on the boy ,my mother and father
didnt seem bothered ,when i went to school my dad was at work and mam was in bed ,when i came home the house was dark and quiet dad would be asleep on the sofa mam would be in bed with a migrain ,thats why i like music,i dont like the qieut ,it to painful a reminder,,,,,
but my life ,ive made sure my to girls have always been listened to
and i have taken an interest in what they do ,,,,altough the dancing lesson were a bit brutal lol,,,,bridget 29 my oldest plays ladies football and has many trophys ,,,,,,,nice to hear you mich ,,,,ken

[crystalgaze]

Yes, the dancing lessons are always a little brutal. I danced a little myself...

I didn't realize the visitor came so early.... Gosh, that's early...

I think mine might have come around 20 or 21.

After some searching... I believe 1 did come for me... Mine is similar to yours. It caused a lot of trouble at 1st; I didn't know what to do with it. We are a bit synched now, so I almost can't tell it apart from myself much any more....

It's amazing how kids/people can be cruel... We will triumph, though.

Just a thought, do you think that the visitor wants you to stand up for yourself more? Sort of like be yourself (the kind, gentle person you really are), but stand up for yourself as well?

Again, thanks for sharing! ((((((Ken)))))))

[xn728]

hi onika yes mine causes trouble ,maybe it needs a lesson ,for destroying my freinds here ,,,,,,ken