Scared to feel that

[mywords]

I'm scared that if you ever so talk again with that man, I'm either embarrassing myself with all I might be feeling for him, something of the sort, or I might ask for his hand in marriage. But I'm not ready yet  or do I think too high of myself to believe he would want it to be me even, its scary and exciting at the same time, that dude made me feel the stuff in my stomach. I'm scared that I might actually act upon them and be flatly rejected, not that I care, but my pride will and my mind won't let me do it anyway.

Let's get rid of this thing called "Pride", shall we? I can't decide if it's either butterfly or anxiety, that feeling I have or haven't developed for him. As crazy as they might be, they are pure, from pure intentions. Therefore, if it is meant to happen it will happen by Allah's (swt) will. They were born pure, and I want them to stay that way. I don't have the grounds or foundation to be thinking about marriage anyway.

 That's why I decided to stay away because I know that deep down I have accepted him to maybe be that person, but in a friendly type of way if that makes sense. The type "wanna get married if we are old and alone?". That means there is still a chance that I can get around this. Until I'm sure of what I'm feeling, even if I know myself, let's not take any risks and know Ya Rab knows better than anyone...

 He knows my true intentions, so if I want this to happen, whatever it might be, Ya Rab will put what He has chosen for me on my path, it might be in this life or the afterlife, Amine.

[sarausa]

I understand how you feel because I have also been in the same situation as you. Be strong to overcome this difficulty Suika game and love yourself more.