Depression Understood Forums

I have lots of friend. Im the talkative one. But why im so lonely? I cry behind their backs, way from my parents, brothers, family, friends... I dont know If thats okay but I know thats the right thing to do for now.

I dont feel needed by anyone in this world. I feel insecure. I dont feel liked. I dont feel loved. Will anyone ever remember me after I died? Maybe thats why I craved to be reliable. Because I want to feel needed. Maybe thats why I wont cry in front of anyone.

I dont want to be less strong in front of them. I want to be trusted. I AM NOT AN OPEN BOOK! NO ONE EVER FIND OUT WHAT IS INSIDE OF MY HEAD!

My life is way too normal that it becomes not normal at all. I live up day by day for the bills I gotta pay eveyday. I dont have money. But i cant even ask anyone about that. I get jealous easily if someone is higher that me. "I want to be higher too. I want to climb more!"

I can relate to the above so much... I wish I had some advice or suggestions...

You are very strong but it's not good cry behind your family and friends and pretend that you or okay but that's not truth everyone need at least one person in their life to share everything and you also need one.

You don't like yourself. The crying thing is merely a more physiological chemical balancing of brain states. You need to find your own worth.