Depression After Breakup and Before

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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scarlet_233
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2018 9:08 pm

Depression After Breakup and Before

Postby scarlet_233 » Sat Sep 08, 2018 3:10 pm

I haven't done anything like this before but I don't have close friends who I can talk with about it. The friends I do have might not understand where I am coming from or might judge me.

I have a lot anxiety and can't sleep at night after my bf at the time left abroad for an internship (10 months total). We spent 3 years together and he out of the blue broke up with me but said some strange words. He said he didn't want to break up with me while we were apart in different countries, he didn't want to run the risk of ever ending it like that. So instead, he chose to do it right before he left because he felt that being apart would be too difficult and "that he wasn't sure about marrying me."

I have a lot of anxiety about this because 1) marriage never came up like that. He and I talked about the future as far as a couple months and talked about aspirations but I never once said hey we should get married soon or anything like that. 2) Before he left, he left me notes around my house saying "I'm going to miss you a lot." and "Hey cutie, it's me". I guess he thought that would be cute but it honestly makes me feel like crap looking at it because I miss him so much.

He said he never wants to confuse my emotions or lead me on so he made it clear today that we can't talk like before, such as more intimately about our days or messaging back and forth other than a few times.

I do want to get back with him and it seems like there could be chance of reconciliation in the future (when he gets back). But part of me struggles with being happy about this situation. Part of me is upset for him telling me how much he loves me before he left and leaving me notes and stuff. And another part of me just wants me to forget about it and not neccessarily date (I'm ok with being on my own), but I want to be able to at least stop worrying about it in my head. I'm confident that I'm going to be ok no matter what and that while I still do love him, I need to continue my life. But how can I do that? I don't want to talk to my friends about it because I don't want to break down crying in front of them (I don't feel comfortable doing that in front of people). But I need to let this out somehow. Anyways, I would love to hear what others in similar situations do to feel better about themselves. Do you take up certain hobbies? Go the gym a lot? Or how do you let your anxieties out so they don't eat you up inside? I did forget to mention that I have suffered from anxiety and depression for years, but lately it has been harder to manage. I am going to therapy, but it does help to hear from others who went through similar things.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

apddown
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2018 8:53 am
Location: Netherlands

Re: Depression After Breakup and Before

Postby apddown » Sat Sep 08, 2018 4:07 pm

I know from my own experience giving advice is hard, because everyone is different and what works for me might not work for you or the other way around. Talking about it with someone you trust can help. This can be someone you know very well and trust a lot or even a total stranger you have a "good" feeling with. The internet helps like that because it is anonymous. If you want I can talk with you. I know all about depressions all to well, so at least I understand the feeling. So my single advice is just talk about it with someone.

BenV
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2018 8:24 pm

Re: Depression After Breakup and Before

Postby BenV » Thu Oct 18, 2018 10:20 pm

Just joined and saw your post.
(I just deleted a bunch of stuff about myself)
I can relate to a three year relationship ending.
I can also relate to still loving someone and wanting to get back together.
In my case I'm talking about two different relationships.

I hope you are able to see your relationship as a step in the process of life. Where the things you learn from each relationship allows you to grow and make each future relationship better and more successful. I was able to do that with that three year relationship. See the wisdom and courage she had to break up with me.
I have been less successful dealing with that second relationship. That really was THE one, my soulmate. But sometimes things can be too perfect. Too happy, too wonderful. I was unsuccessful getting back together with her. But my heart has never been able to completely leave her either.
I hope that doesn't happen to you. For your sanity you need to let go. It's been 35 years for me. Think about that.
I hope and pray you don't end up like me.

scarlet_233
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2018 9:08 pm

Re: Depression After Breakup and Before

Postby scarlet_233 » Fri Oct 19, 2018 12:32 pm

Thank you for the replies everyone. I appreciate the advice and support. Things have gotten better since then. I do feel like I still love and care for this person. And we still communicate with each other every single day. Sometimes we talk more on some days than other. I can tell that he still cares for me, but may not choose to to reunite with me right now because he's out of the country for 8 more months. However, it's hard for me to process that breakup still without getting emotional or letting go of feelings (I don't want to do the latter). I have been going to therapy regularly for help on processing things like anxiety and depression. I'm hoping at least I can focus on enjoying things without my mind immediately going back to thinking how much I miss this person or wondering how they are doing.

Shredder1085
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2018 1:11 pm

Re: Depression After Breakup and Before

Postby Shredder1085 » Sat Oct 20, 2018 1:26 pm

I can relate, I too have been dealing with worsening depression even though the breakups was 6 months ago. Blocked on facebook, blocked my number, everything. The second time I was made to pack up and leave in less than 2 months, the first time because I mentioned that I was feeling bad again and thought about cutting. (I haven't cut in 4 years, mind you.) But I checked myself in and she was completely supportive and I came back. Things were great, however my meds while working well were giving me crazy dreams. I explained to her what was happening in my dreams and while I demonstrated to her I took hold of her shirt a bit roughly just to show her what happened. That upset her and she gave me a few days to pack up and leave again. I really honestly didn't believe that I did anything wrong. About a week after I moved back home she and I talked a lot and she told me that she truly loved and missed me. Things were looking up, I thought. Till we decided to meet up a few weeks later and it didn't go well at all. She said it felt wrong when I hugged her and got close to her and suggested we just make a clean break. Which left me confused and crushed. And here I am 6 months later, hurting even more now than I was then. The wound hasn't even stopped bleeding, much less scabbed over so to speak. And I haven't talked about it to anyone.

BenV
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2018 8:24 pm

Re: Depression After Breakup and Before

Postby BenV » Sat Oct 20, 2018 9:36 pm

Scarlett,

I wrote what I wrote Thursday evening because of what happened on Thursday. But now I want to change what I wrote because of something that took place on Friday.

Sometimes feelings are right. Even when they don't appear to make sense anymore. But that doesn't mean they aren't honest and true.
Sometimes relationships that shouldn't have ended do. Fear and doubt interferes. Sometimes it works out. Sometimes it doesn't. That doesn't mean the relationship that didn't work out was bad or wrong.
Sometimes two people have the same feelings and they are still there 35 years later, but life is hopelessly in the way.

Here's hoping things work out for you now, so you don't have your own Friday.


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