Depression and Relationships

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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pancake22
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Aug 15, 2018 8:19 pm

Depression and Relationships

Postby pancake22 » Wed Aug 15, 2018 8:38 pm

Good evening,

I am 22 and I live with terrible depression/anxiety/bipolar disorder. I have pushed everyone away from me except for my best friend who understands me and has been there for me since we met.
My boyfriend and I recently broke up because I let my illness get so bad, to the point where I became numb. I didn't want to hold hands or anything affectionate. I put off seeing a therapist for so long and now it has ruined me and our relationship. I want to be able to have a future with him but right now I don't even see a future for myself.
My sister lives with me and is about 40 years old and has two kids, she moved here bc she had nobody else where she lived, and now doesn't even do anything for them to try to make their lives better. She's been here for months and doesn't have a job. She lets my niece sleep all day, and my nephew is always on the phone. Their energy is draining and I have resentment towards her since she kind of abandoned me during the most important years of my life.
My other older sister committed suicide when I was 7 years old, and this is why I would never want to take my own life because I can only imagine the pain my mother felt, if I am still feeling it so deeply. I can barely get along with my mom and it's destroying me as well. All she is doing is trying to help my sister who should have helped herself years ago and I feel that it is unfair.

On top of it all, this breakup is destroying me from the inside but I am transforming it into strength. I really hope that we are able to mend this and that he realizes that I am not myself at the moment, but I do need professional help.
I have a huge fear of abandonment, that's why I was so fearful being with my boyfriend. He tried everything to try and make me happy for our relationship to be better but I was just numb.

Does anybody have any advice or share something similar?

lucymiller11
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2018 3:25 am

Re: Depression and Relationships

Postby lucymiller11 » Wed Aug 15, 2018 11:10 pm

Hi. Sorry to hear that you had to feel that all to yourself. Try meeting with new people, try doing things you don't usually do. Have fun and mingle with others. Maybe, it'll help you and as for your feelings towards your mom and sister, just let them be. Maybe, your mom feels that your sister needs her more than you do when in fact, you needed her, too. Don't dwell so much on things that will get you depress. In God's time, you will be okay. Pray and ask for His guidance.

By the way, I'm Lucy, a writer/researcher.
Last edited by lucymiller11 on Thu Aug 16, 2018 11:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

lovingladyo4
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon May 22, 2017 9:06 am

Re: Depression and Relationships

Postby lovingladyo4 » Thu Aug 16, 2018 11:24 am

Sweetheart, I am so sorry about the heaviness that weighs you down. You paint a good picture with your words to describe what is going on. I know you don't want to stay stuck in a place where you believe there is no hope for a fulfilling future, and it seems as though your are ready and willing to turn things around. I personally think that once you believe things can improve, you will feel more motivated to take that next step, whatever it may be.

You seem to be a very caring and sensitive person, which explains why you feel things at a very deep level. I know how hurt comes into play when family members can't or won't respond to our situation when we need them to. It's nice to have someone on our side to keep us moving forward.

I think it takes great strength of character to use these devastating incidents and allow them to somehow be used for our good. Not all people are willing to do that, so just the fact that you are determined to make something positive from all these negative experiences speaks volumes of your desire to get the most out of life.

Have you considered seeking out any help so you do not feel alone? There are many wonderful people out there who have dedicated their lives to encouraging people in your type of situation. I met a beautiful Christian women who understood me more than anyone ever had. She took the time to counsel me and gave me advice on how to steer my thinking in a constructive way to protect myself. Sometimes you need the right kind of person to walk along side you and take your hand and lead you to hope.

God loves you sweet friend, and cares about every detail of your life. I will be praying you feel His presence so you know your life is worth more than words could ever say. Thanks for letting me share my thoughts and please contact me if you'd like to talk more.

Hephzibah
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2018 6:57 pm

Re: Depression and Relationships

Postby Hephzibah » Fri Aug 17, 2018 6:57 pm

I'm so glad you are looking to the future and making positive choices for yourself! I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I don't have a regular counselor, but I always make sure to make an appointment when I need one. It really helps to have someone to talk through whatever you're going through and help you make plans, future goals and encourage you along the way. I know some can be expensive, but there are also more affordable choices so you can go more regularly. I was able to find one for free at my church, but sometimes just my womens group (if you can find a small intimate group) is as good as therapy if not better! I struggled with anxiety and depression most of my life, but I feel like I've become more self aware of what and why I'm feeling a certain way and have been able to work through that. I know for me I have a hard time sharing my feelings with most people(except my BFF), esp when it comes to confrontation. If somethings bothering me I have a tendency to internalize it and hold onto it which has left me in a seemingly deep depression. I'm really not good at making mistakes (I'm learning and getting better!) and if I'm not happy with myself sometimes I'm not fun to live with. My counselor did a personality test on me and I found out that I'm a melancholy. (most personality tests only recognize 4 but this one recognized 5 personality types) Because of this my counselor was able to recognize certain traits that I may need to work on like since I'm melancholy I have more of a tendency to struggle with anger and bitterness and also to obsess over certain thoughts. I also have to work harder at thinking positive. Forgiveness is so important. Its really hard when we've been hurt very deeply. If it wasn't for my faith in God I couldn't do it on my own in my own strength. Boundaries are also important, esp with the people we live with. My counselor recommended the book called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud. It may be helpful for you and your mom? You are precious and there is a purpose and a plan for your life! There was a time when my mom and my nephews were my only reason for living, but now there is so much more! There is for you too! Peace and prayers <3

Diann Bernardo
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2018 10:15 am

Re: Depression and Relationships

Postby Diann Bernardo » Sun Aug 26, 2018 10:29 am

I am a lot older than you and respect the fact that you are so aware of you condition and that you will seek help. My sister recently decided to distance herself from me and it hurts deeply, so I can relate to how you feel.
Semi -retired professor.

Golda Dilema
Posts: 31
Joined: Sun Aug 19, 2018 12:51 am

Re: Depression and Relationships

Postby Golda Dilema » Sun Aug 26, 2018 8:40 pm

Hi! I am a person wirh bipolar too. I am married and we almost got separated because of my condition, my bad attitude, rudeness, lack of understanding and insensitivity. I went through therapy and I am under medication for almost 10 years now. My moods have been stabilized because of my medication and I sleep better too. I suggest you seek medical help because it will do you good too.

You need to be happy and at peace once again. What are the things that make you happy and peaceful? So long as they won't do you any harm it will be good if you do them. Activities such as cooking, playing, doing hobbies, listening to good music, watching good films, spending time with friends, reading, shopping and many others.

Whenever negative or disturbing thoughts bother you, it will be good for you to shift your thought on something postive or do somef other things to make you think and feel better. It will be hard at first, but you will be able to adjust. Again, be happy.


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