Final destination
Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2018 1:06 am
June 28th
I don’t know where I could post this or who I could talk to about anymore, I know people say also turn to friends for advice but I can’t since I don’t want to recently my anxiety, depression and paranoia has completely overwhelmed me and taken over my life.
More days than not I’ve felt completely dead inside and I don’t feel like living on anymore. With each passing day I foresee my death happening and although it’s not the way to go I feel like it’ll be better and the pain would finally go away. I’ve lost my sanity, my life and everything I’ve ever cared for in a matter of days and my world just feels unbearable. I am an (Canadian/American) football player and been playing for the past 14 out of 23 years of my life and loved the game. Never watched it on tv but loved playing it. To put into retrospect on how I feel I had 2 games today and did not care for one single moment about either nor did I care about if we won or lost. There’s nothing in this world that can satisfy me anymore except for one thing which is also lost. I was told I’m a fool for making my life attached to someone else’s because you guys are your own people at the end of the day. I didn’t listen and when you started to dedicate your life to one person and they walk out, you lose all purpose of living in my opinion, which is sad. When you’re trying to give your all to someone and they tell you you’re all isn’t enough, it sucks all life out of you. I told myself if this doesn’t work I’ll never love again which is true I’ve lost all emotions and all my will power that I had to the point where I’m planning on giving up in life come October. Those will be my final moments and I would like to share them with you guys since the people I tell will try stopping me. I will make my death the last enjoyable moments ever. I plan on going to leaving my home town October 8th to go to Hawaii for 1 week before setting my sights on my final resting place which is japan. I will enjoy my final moments in a country I’ve always wanted to explore and end my one way trip at Aokigahara forest as referred to as suicide forest. I plan on finding the most entertaining mixes of drugs and alcohol and mixing them to potentially cause an overdose and since I’ll be in the forest it’ll be too late to go back and it’ll take too long to help me.
I never wanted anymore more in the world but to make her happy and I couldn’t even do that. I’ve lost everything and will eventually feel nothing.
I appreciate whomever took the time to actually read this, I hope you all the best and don’t give up hope like I did, I’m weak and I want to take the easy way out.
I don’t know where I could post this or who I could talk to about anymore, I know people say also turn to friends for advice but I can’t since I don’t want to recently my anxiety, depression and paranoia has completely overwhelmed me and taken over my life.
More days than not I’ve felt completely dead inside and I don’t feel like living on anymore. With each passing day I foresee my death happening and although it’s not the way to go I feel like it’ll be better and the pain would finally go away. I’ve lost my sanity, my life and everything I’ve ever cared for in a matter of days and my world just feels unbearable. I am an (Canadian/American) football player and been playing for the past 14 out of 23 years of my life and loved the game. Never watched it on tv but loved playing it. To put into retrospect on how I feel I had 2 games today and did not care for one single moment about either nor did I care about if we won or lost. There’s nothing in this world that can satisfy me anymore except for one thing which is also lost. I was told I’m a fool for making my life attached to someone else’s because you guys are your own people at the end of the day. I didn’t listen and when you started to dedicate your life to one person and they walk out, you lose all purpose of living in my opinion, which is sad. When you’re trying to give your all to someone and they tell you you’re all isn’t enough, it sucks all life out of you. I told myself if this doesn’t work I’ll never love again which is true I’ve lost all emotions and all my will power that I had to the point where I’m planning on giving up in life come October. Those will be my final moments and I would like to share them with you guys since the people I tell will try stopping me. I will make my death the last enjoyable moments ever. I plan on going to leaving my home town October 8th to go to Hawaii for 1 week before setting my sights on my final resting place which is japan. I will enjoy my final moments in a country I’ve always wanted to explore and end my one way trip at Aokigahara forest as referred to as suicide forest. I plan on finding the most entertaining mixes of drugs and alcohol and mixing them to potentially cause an overdose and since I’ll be in the forest it’ll be too late to go back and it’ll take too long to help me.
I never wanted anymore more in the world but to make her happy and I couldn’t even do that. I’ve lost everything and will eventually feel nothing.
I appreciate whomever took the time to actually read this, I hope you all the best and don’t give up hope like I did, I’m weak and I want to take the easy way out.