It's not urgent, but please help

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Cypress
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2018 9:44 pm

It's not urgent, but please help

Postby Cypress » Tue Mar 06, 2018 10:04 pm

I have my life falling down around me- its easier to be read in a list

The person I have been friends with longest in my life, almost 5 years, dropped out earlier last week and I can't get over it
My family is falling down. Mother is emotionally abusive and extremely cut off and distant from the rest of my family and my father is verbally abusive towards me.
A divorce is coming up and with the state laws, everything I know will be split in half, hence leading me to be forced to move and me losing my school and the remainder of my social support
I tend to get a lot of hate from the people around me, why? I don't know
Heading back into the Public system of schooling will lead to some form of exposure to bad crowds, which I have a fear of being stuck in.
I keep having impulses to take alcohol, all of which have been stopped but the fear persists
My grades have been slipping and I can't sleep anymore without having to take some kind of medicine
I am forced into the church, I despise it.
I've tried both cutting and starving my self, none had any form of even temporary help, I stopped both.
I can't trust my school because they sent a classmate out because he was found doing self-harm
I can't trust my parents because they think I have a mental disorder because I react violently towards my family when they bother me. Even thou when at school I react by shutting down and cutting people off. I know they think that because my mother butt dialed me and a swim meet and was gossiping with my grandmother about it.
I've had 4 mental breakdowns in the past 2 weeks
Everything I feel like is going to shit, I just need someone who understands

ImJohn
Posts: 47
Joined: Thu Jul 20, 2017 7:42 am

Re: It's not urgent, but please help

Postby ImJohn » Wed Mar 07, 2018 12:10 pm

Hi there Cypress,

I don't know if I can say anything that will help you or really fully understand what you're going through right now, but I can offer support and sympathy; I know what it's like to have your world fall apart about you as its happened to me more than once.

The important thing is to realise that we (the people in this forum) care about what happens to everyone else here. So, we care about you! That's why I'm typing this reply.

The next thing you need to know is that we're pretty honest with each other; so I'll be honest with you...

First up then what's happening around you isn`t your fault; you didn't create it and, especially as you`re still young, you can't control it. But you can control your reaction to it. Not always but you can try to react in a better more mature way. Try not to be violent, it doesn`t help.

Second, you may begin to notice that adults aren't always terribly mature themselves. That's their problem not yours. And people hating you is the same. It's their hate not yours! Keep away from hateful people if you can and if you can't try to disengage from their hatefulness. Remember you are a human being and have a right to be here; tell them that if you can but above all believe it yourself and act accordingly. As Ghandi said, "They can not take my dignity away from me if I refuse to give it to them." Keep your dignity its your birthright as a person.

You`ve done well to come here and explain so clearly what s happening in your life and also within yourself. Take each day at a time and things will start to work themselves out. Yes, I know that's easy to say but its also true. it may take a while but you'll come through in the end and you'll be a wiser and happier person for the experience too.

All the best

John.

ImJohn
Posts: 47
Joined: Thu Jul 20, 2017 7:42 am

Re: It's not urgent, but please help

Postby ImJohn » Wed Mar 07, 2018 12:14 pm

Hi there Cypress,

I don't know if I can say anything that will help you or really fully understand what you're going through right now, but I can offer support and sympathy; I know what it's like to have your world fall apart about you as its happened to me more than once.

The important thing is to realise that we (the people in this forum) care about what happens to everyone else here. So, we care about you! That's why I'm typing this reply.

The next thing you need to know is that we're pretty honest with each other; so I'll be honest with you...

First up then what's happening around you isn`t your fault; you didn't create it and, especially as you`re still young, you can't control it. But you can control your reaction to it. Not always but you can try to react in a better more mature way. Try not to be violent, it doesn`t help.

Second, you may begin to notice that adults aren't always terribly mature themselves. That's their problem not yours. And people hating you is the same. It's their hate not yours! Keep away from hateful people if you can and if you can't try to disengage from their hatefulness. Remember you are a human being and have a right to be here; tell them that if you can but above all believe it yourself and act accordingly. As Ghandi said, "They can not take my dignity away from me if I refuse to give it to them." Keep your dignity its your birthright as a person.

You`ve done well to come here and explain so clearly what s happening in your life and also within yourself. Take each day at a time and things will start to work themselves out. Yes, I know that's easy to say but its also true. it may take a while but you'll come through in the end and you'll be a wiser and happier person for the experience too.

All the best

John.

Peacebwu2017
Posts: 9
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2017 8:11 pm

Re: It's not urgent, but please help

Postby Peacebwu2017 » Thu Mar 08, 2018 8:33 pm

I am sorry you are hurting! Unfortunately, hurt people hurt people. It sounds like there's a lot going on keeping your parents reacting and not behaving healthy. I know for our family, when we are dealing with heavy stuff we don't always act mature, respond well and act in love. It's hard to go through divorce! Divorce hurts everyone! Adults have a really hard time knowing how to deal with the pain and grief it brings on themselves, let alone how to help their kids through it. It's unfair, but oftentimes, kids are expected to act better than their parents can act and yet the kids have raging hormones and less experience with life.

I am sorry you lost your friend of 5 years, recently. That's really hard! My best friend of 10 years recently told me she needed a break. It hurt and yet when I review our relationship it was time for a break. We had begun getting an unhealthy co-dependent cycle. She and I have made it through a season of separation before and I hope we will grow even healthier once this season passes. The chance is always there that the relationship will never be restored. I have found earthly relationships are not always forever. We grow and relationships are the hardest things we'll ever do! We have lots of opportunities to get annoyed but we also have opportunity to grow and be stretched in loving selflessly. None of that is easy. Perhaps rather than looking at this as rejection look at this as a time of assessment?

You have choice in all you do. It's sad you are being forced into church. The relationship with God should be personal and intimate...not forced. I am sorry the church you are attending isn't working for you. Perhaps realize there's tons of different places to worship and learn. Maybe a different place would work better for you. It's hard to find a place sometimes that reaches us where we are. A safe place that really gets the struggles we are facing.

Public schools are full of hatred, bullying, and negative influence. I try to tell my kids to be a leader and be willing to be alone. That's not easy at a point in their lives they most desperately want to feel like they have friends and fit in. I encourage them to dig deep and find the integrity for themselves. What life do they want to have and do the actions it would take to have that life. We all have choices!

I am so encouraged to hear you stopped self harming. You are a very wise person to analyze your actions and make changes for things not working for you!

I too have struggled with depression, anxieyt, panic attacks and emotional stability. Life has felt a bit overwhelming at times. I found DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) to be very helpful in giving me tools. I am very practical and don't want to sit and talk about problems for months. I want to know how to figure things out and get some tools to use so I can move on, grow, and be my best person.
You seem like that kind of person too.

School is a hard time of life! It gets easier to fit in once you begin your career path. But, life is always a challenge when people are involved. There will always be the "difficult people". I find it's in times like that it's most important I remember to never give up and know who I am and what I want to be. It's in times like that it takes a bigger person to respond with kindness and love than pay backs and anger.

I also try to remember that everyone has their stuff to deal with. Everyone has their hurts. Sometimes the very best thing I can do is look for someone else to help. It seems counterintuitive but helping others actually helps us to feel better. Perhaps you might find a therapist or counselor to be a positive help for you? Especially, if you are getting hit at every place with negative messages? I am praying you find light, peace, and love on your journey! Perhaps a mentor that would help guide and listen when you need it? You are of great worth, no matter what the world is lying and saying right now! You were made for a purpose for hope and not for the pain that is currently visiting. Please take good care of yourself! You are worth it! Sleep, eat well, and surround yourself with inspiration that gives you purpose and hope. Take care!

j2415
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Jun 01, 2017 8:37 am

Re: It's not urgent, but please help

Postby j2415 » Fri Mar 09, 2018 10:28 am

I'm so sorry for everything that you are going through right now.
In times like this, it's important that you surround yourself with positive people, people who you can trust and not judge you. People that will speak hope and encouragement.

We are here and you can message us anytime. I hope you will find encouragement in this forum and you will have the desire to go on. Please don't give up. Based on my experience, no matter how hard and lonely the journey is, it gets better if I focus on my blessings. I believe that there is always something to be thankful for and it helps me to keep going. You have talents and you are created with a purpose. Try to use your talents and enjoy things that you love.

I pray that you will have peace and comfort as you go through this season and you will see the beauty in the midst of your problems. God bless.


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