my story

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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rando
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Feb 20, 2018 12:39 am

my story

Postby rando » Tue Feb 20, 2018 1:02 am

Hi I am a teenager and after about one and 1/2 years of feeling this way am convinced I am depressed. about a year ago I out of no where just became incredibly sad. I think at first it steamed from existentialism or more importantly the thought of if there is an after life. I don't believe there is but I never fully internalized that until that point. This is what I feel threw me in to depression. I have since gotten over my fear of death but am still very depressed. Now it has consumed my whole life and I know I need to do something. Every thing I looked at to try to get some help told me to open up to some one like a Friend or family member but I just can't that is why I am writing this. Eventually my parents noticed me being off and put me in therapy but I just couldn't open up to my therapist ether. I lead him down the wrong path which was that I was having trouble in school due to my ADD and ADHD witch was a strait up lie. I keep up this lie up until I stoped seeing him. Also I started acting happier so people wouldn't notice that I was depressed. On top of that I have thought about suicided a lot but I am certain I could never do it. Now I am in need of help/advice or some one else like me to talk to because I still can't open up to anyone.

AnneW
Posts: 22
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 8:57 am

Re: my story

Postby AnneW » Tue Feb 20, 2018 7:44 am

Hi Rando!
I read your post. Although I am not a teenager I can still relate to some of what you said.
In the none-of-my-business department, why do you think about death so much? Did something happen in your personal life?
It's just my opinion but young people, such as yourself, should not be burdened by adult things. Dude!!! There's plenty of time for that! You should be thinking about girls or basketball or what to wear to the prom or something! Skateboarding, a garage band, anything...being young. Perhaps reading...whatever floats your boat! Clearly your are very bright and a deep thinker! Maybe spend some time in an Art Museum.

Finally, find another therapist. Someone you feel free to open up to. He can't help you if you are not honest and you cannot help yourself. It is not uncommon to find you do not connect with a therapist. It is perfectly reasonable to go find another; another who might realize you are misleading them!!
I grew up too fast. Don't make the same mistake. By your age I was living on my own, had a full-time job... I ended up on the streets. I didn't have a teen-age period. Looking back I wish I hadn't convinced myself I was so grown up. I wish I let myself be young; a teenager with a long life and bright future; wish I had stayed home! I'd give my left arm to have that opportunity now! Your parents must Love you very much to be attentive enough to see you are struggling. Embrace that!

Take care of yourself. I log on from time to time. PM me anytime!
All the Best,
Anne

rando
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Feb 20, 2018 12:39 am

Re: my story

Postby rando » Tue Feb 20, 2018 2:38 pm

Thanks It feels better to get it off my chest. On the question about death My answer would have to be no I don't have a history with death. I have no clue why it comes up so often. Also in regards to the growing up thing you are exactly right I am always thinking to far into the future and spend most of my time trying to prep for collage.

ImJohn
Posts: 47
Joined: Thu Jul 20, 2017 7:42 am

Re: my story

Postby ImJohn » Wed Feb 21, 2018 12:04 pm

Hi Rando and welcome,

I'm sorry you've been feeling sad for so long especially as you're in your teenage years and should be enjoying life. It's good you've come here and that you've found some relief in expressing how you've been feeling; it's a positive step to take which is a good thing.

I can assure you that you can 'open up' to people here; we've all been through the wringer with depression so you're not alone. Nothing will phase us so if you'd like to 'talk' about your thoughts on life, death and the problems of existence that's just fine. You're welcome to send me a private message if you like as I too went through a bit of an existentialist crisis as a young person.

I don't think preparing for college is a bad way to spend your time but if that's all your doing then I think you could do with another outlet / interest. I may be wrong of course, but that's what I think so far.

I'm from the UK and we had a very quotable war time (WWII) prime minister; here's one that you may wish to consider ...

"It is a mistake to look too far ahead. Only one link in the chain of destiny can be handled at a time." - Winston Churchill.

Good luck and take care,

John.

nightingale77
Posts: 28
Joined: Thu Aug 10, 2017 2:48 am

Re: my story

Postby nightingale77 » Thu Feb 22, 2018 4:37 am

Hi there, welcome to the forum. Thank you for sharing your story. I feel that if you and your therapist cannot connect, it will be the best of interest for everybody to stop and find another therapist. I’m glad your parents are supportive towards your recovery journey. It will be a tremendous help towards your healing. Praying for you. God bless!

stuckinmyhead
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Feb 25, 2018 10:54 pm

Re: my story

Postby stuckinmyhead » Sun Feb 25, 2018 11:02 pm

Hey Rando,
Thanks for having the courage to come on the forum and share your story! It can be scary but you did it! Congratulate yourself on a big step taken. On another note, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time and that you don't feel like you can really talk to anyone. We are all here for you and I'm sure most of us can relate. I've been through some hellish seasons of depression (currently facing a pretty crappy one). Trust me when I say that you are not alone. My first recommendation when I hear someone is dealing with severe depression is to talk to someone they trust and/or see a doctor/counselor. It seems like you've already tried to take that route, though, and not had much luck. Definitely feel free to talk to any of us anytime about what you are facing. There's also a suicide hotline (https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) that can be really helpful. Again, I'm so sorry you are facing this. If you would like chat more about the afterlife thoughts or anything else, I'm here to listen. Blessings and strength to you.


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