my life

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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lovemydogs
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Nov 28, 2008 10:21 am

my life

Postby lovemydogs » Fri Nov 28, 2008 11:34 am

I'm new here, but certainly not new to depression. I was formally dx with it my senior year of college ('93) and have had memroies of growing up w/ low selfesteem inflicted by both my mom, and my 4 older sisters. When I was 8 my mom raised my neice from my 15 yr old sister - even making me share a room w/ her. LOTS of dynamics around that. I had a dance instructor who always told us how fat we were & my mom insisted I go even though I hated it. I finally quit after my dad died (suddenly)at my age 13. He worked alot as a senior engineer for a auto manufacuturer, so I didn't see him much. The family always joked that once I came along, all we could do was go camping b/c the fun things were now too expensive for one more kid. My mom became absent once dad dies, leaving my sister who hated me to raise me. She & I are closer now, but it was miserable from the time I turned 14 until I left for college. All through high school, always on the edge of the popular crowd, but no real best friends. Much like my family - always along the fringes with nonone to be close to. Went away to college with the hopes of finding friends, even joined a sorority, but only made one GOOD friend who ended up stabbing me in teh back. My otehr friend (not in my house) she & I are still friends, but she doesn't understand my depression. I have to hide it ALOT I met my wonderful husband at college, and I think he felt a connection to me b/c his mother is nuts too, just in a different way :) He's great, but has a hard time understanding what I'm feeling b/c he's by nature a very happy, positive person. I try so hard to follow his lead, but some days it's impossible. We have a beautiful almost 7yr girl who is the only reason I'm still living. The events of this week have been especially trying & I am literally on the edge.

I'm a new nurse (have my master's in something else & did hospital risk mgmt for a while as well, so healthcare is not new to me). I've been orienting on a 12 bed ICU and overall am enjoying it. I just has an excellent 90 day review but las tweek I had an especially busy day - 2 very sick pts. Well I apparently wrote down some documentation that wasn't accurate. It was absolutely not intentional but NO PATIENT HARM resulted, and I've had some real mind-changing revolations about my practice (even before this mistakes were brought to my attention). But I'm now suspended & am in real fear of losing my job.
So I am beyond destraught b/c if I lose my job, not only will no one hire me w/ that kind of record, financially I'll be ruined. At elast if I had a fatal accident, my family would be taken care of financially.

Emotional_77
Posts: 850
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2008 12:21 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

Postby Emotional_77 » Fri Nov 28, 2008 2:57 pm

Im real sorry to hear about your job and hope things work out for you. It seems you have a supportive husband and thats worth everything in life including you precious daughter. You've done well for the rough patches throughout your life, keep on reaching for the top.

Welcome to the forums.


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