Depressed and Alone

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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No_life
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Sep 11, 2017 10:18 am

Depressed and Alone

Postby No_life » Mon Sep 11, 2017 10:51 am

My biggest fear of life is to die alone with nobody by my side. I have my family for whom I am almost non-existent who are least bothered about me. Right from my childhood, my parents preferred my brother over me and it continues until today. I have a good set of friends and relatives and not that my parents hate me but they prefer my brother over me. After a long day at office when I return home, I am not greeted by my family nor do we do speak much since it is the time when my parents are busy watching TV. Eventually I have become a workaholic and I end up working 10-12 hours each day. This has got me into deep depression. I have a life outside my home which is very normal and can say that i have a successful career but at home I am miserable. To break the routine, I came back home early today about which nobody cares. My mother and I had a verbal spat since she was expecting my brother at home and she found me instead. Even now while writing this I can't stop crying. I just can't stop crying. I know I have friends and relatives who probably love me but do you think you can be happy when your own parents are so rude and insensitive like this. There is no meaning to my life If my parents are not happy to see me around. My whole world keeps crashing each day with every fight that I have with my family. Sometimes I just lock myself in my room and stare at ceiling fan and think about ending up the pain and I know its wrong. But I am tired of crying to sleep each day.

Suzi
Posts: 27
Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:33 am

Re: Depressed and Alone

Postby Suzi » Wed Sep 13, 2017 11:16 am

So sorry for your pain. Is it possible for you to move out of your parents' home? Cause it sounds like being around them everyday is bringing you down. You say you have a successful life outside of your home.

No_life
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Sep 11, 2017 10:18 am

Re: Depressed and Alone

Postby No_life » Wed Sep 13, 2017 2:27 pm

Suzi wrote:So sorry for your pain. Is it possible for you to move out of your parents' home? Cause it sounds like being around them everyday is bringing you down. You say you have a successful life outside of your home.


I am thinking of moving out but will i ever move on from my parents? What terrible thing must have i done for them to treat me like this? It is extremely painful when you knoe that your own parents do not care whether you live or die.

Suzi
Posts: 27
Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:33 am

Re: Depressed and Alone

Postby Suzi » Mon Sep 18, 2017 1:48 pm

Yes you can move on. I just got off the phone from talking to my sister. She was telling me she saw an older lady at the beauty shop who I was friends with several years ago when I was having a difficult time with my Mom. Growing up, my Mom always preferred my older brother. It was like me and my other siblings didn't exist. Anyway I met this older woman. She became like a surrogate mother to me. She was so totally opposite from my Mom. She was so funny and we had so much fun together. We aren't friends anymore, but she helped me survive that difficult time in my life. My relationship with my Mom is still challenging, but I have grown and don't have the expectations of her that I once had. For one thing, I don't allow her to hurt me anymore. I read the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud. It was one of the best things I ever did. I realized that we can choose to let or not let people hurt us. We don't have to continue to be victims of their abuses.

Spleefy
Posts: 21
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Depressed and Alone

Postby Spleefy » Sun Sep 24, 2017 8:58 am

Hi Life,

I’m sorry that you don’t have a healthy relationship with your parents and that your home is not the sanctuary it should be.

Based on what you said, it seems that your parents' love and acceptance matters most to you. Have you tried telling them how you feel? I know for some of us, it is hard to communicate with our parents or family members because some people just don’t have the personality to converse on a deep level. It’s tough when this is our parents — the people who are like God in their children’s eyes.

It’s a shame that your home is not a pleasant place to come back to. I found that my environment (both public and private) is one the key connections in my life that have the most profound impact on my health and wellbeing.

It wasn’t until I moved to a different environment that I was able to start actually healing. The environment was the perfect stage for me to thrive whereas my previous environment was stifling, uninspiring, not conducive to good health and thus making it virtually impossible to overcome depression.

You may not be in the position to move. However, have you thought about this as a possible future goal? Moving out on your own may also improve the relationship you have with your parents — I know it has with my mum. It is because we don’t live together that our relationship is as strong as it is.

I’m sure deep down your parents love you and are happy to see you.

As an example...

I lived with my grandparents to assist them and to provide care for their son, who has special needs. And when nan passed, my role in the house increased two-fold.

Pop and I got along fairly well; however, we both had our differences at times, and he was not the type to show appreciation openly. When he had health issues, I was always there for him, along with the usual care I was providing to his son. I even dropped many things in my own life to keep up with the demands of my role as carer. And, yet, when I was sick he acted as if I had done something terribly wrong.

For example, one time I had a fever and was unable to get out of bed for about 3-4 days. He knew I was sick because when I was trying to still fulfill my duties, I was stumbling around and barely able to stand. However, not once during the time I was incapacitated with fever did he ask if I was alright or if I needed anything.

When I was finally able to resurface and make an appearance, he said:

"Where the hell have you been? I haven't seen you in days".

"What. Are you crook?"

"At least when I'm crook, I can still get up and do something."

But I know deep down he does care about me and appreciate me, despite showing the complete opposite. He is just a traditional man with a hardened approach to life and relationships, so I try not to take it personally.

The point is, maybe your folks have a similar personality. Or if it seems directed at you then it could be because you are closest to them in some ways.

To extend on the example with pop, he reveres his eldest son. Yet, his son does nothing to contribute to the care of his brother. When he comes down with his family for a holiday, he won’t offer to feed, bathe or change his brother’s incontinence pads.

Despite this, pop shows his son a lot of respect. With me, on the other hand, it felt like he was treating me more like hired help than family -- which is very different to how nan made me feel.

It did hurt at times — I would be lying if I said it didn’t. He has passed now. So in retrospect, I know he loved me. I know he respected me. I know he appreciated me.

While there is no excuse for his attitude towards me at times, I believe he was that way towards me because I was his rock, especially when nan passed. He depended heavily on me. Sometimes we take out our frustrations on those we love or depend on most. I was always the one there for him and thus the closest target. He also knew that I would never leave or abandon him. He was able to just be himself around me. He knew he didn't have to put on a happy face or act cheerful, like he did around other people, including his son.

I’m not sure if you can have a heart-heart talk with your folks. I know I certainly couldn’t with pop. I just had to either grin and bear it or abort. I chose to stay out of love and try to understand the situation and not take it too much to heart. This was NOT easy I assure you, but it did help to keep my spirits up.

I have a question for you. While your relationship with your parents is not the best, why do you think you will be alone with nobody by your side?

Do you think it’s possible that you will meet other people and make friends? Perhaps one day you will have a family of your own.

Our parents are an important part of our lives, but they are not the only people in our lives. As I said before about my mum. We both don’t get along living with each other, but apart our relationship is strong and we have a lot of respect for one another.

I think we all have a desire to have a good relationship with our parents. Perhaps if you were to cultivate a healthy relationship with other people, then it will give you a chance to step out of the situation a bit to provide you with some perspective and clarity and, possibly, help to improve the relationship you have with your folks. Sometimes a bit of distance can help, especially when we are involved in a situation that has become our world.

I hope this will be helpful. Good luck with it all, I really mean it. Please don't hesistate to keep us updated or if you just want to get things off your chest. We will aways listen. Even though it feels like it at times, you DO matter and you are not alone!

Spleefy

Suzi
Posts: 27
Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:33 am

Re: Depressed and Alone

Postby Suzi » Tue Oct 03, 2017 12:54 pm

No_life, how are you doing?

Diary_of_dreams
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 4:47 pm

Re: Depressed and Alone

Postby Diary_of_dreams » Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:24 pm

Hi
You dont choose your family.. For better or for worse.. Sometimes we can get hurt by them as well.. Just remember you did nothing wrong! And from my experience, moving out can do good.. It can be scary sometimes but the second you deside to do it, itll be ok.. It actually may bring you closer to your parents as well.. Not seeing them all the time might increase their interest in your life as well.. Just remember, you are not alone! <3

Ravitox
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2017 12:49 am

Re: Depressed and Alone

Postby Ravitox » Wed Nov 01, 2017 2:43 am

Hey, don't let a bad community around you destroy who you are. By your successful life outside home, you are a capable person. From what you've said, I can't deduce you having done anything wrong. Sometimes, irrational people cannot be reasoned with. You cannot change who they love either. But you can choose who you trust and value, who waits for you when you come home. Everyone needs a community, and it's not wrong for you to find a new one if you were born into an uncaring home.

carolinewarren
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 9:11 am

Re: Depressed and Alone

Postby carolinewarren » Mon Nov 06, 2017 6:07 am

Hey Hii, feels sorry about you. How are you been doing now. It is very great that you have not let your stress, depression of home affected your carreer that is outside. Being workaholic is good but working for 10-12 hours a day is also not good. This shows that you are trying to be hash on your body. You need to give yourself some space. Try talking to someone that can help you come out of this depression and loneliness. Talk to someone that will understand your problem the way you do. You can also consult a psychic like Voyante Sérieuse or a person that would have psychic abilities like Clairvoyance, Empathy, Scrying, etc. They use their six sense and find out what exactly is the reason behind our problems. Hope this can be helpful to you.


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