I don't feel anything...at all

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Machine93
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 11:36 am
Location: Dhaka, Bangladesh

I don't feel anything...at all

Postby Machine93 » Mon Sep 04, 2017 12:21 pm

The thing is, I feel almost nothing for a long time. But recently its a big ZERO. I am not talking about complicated human feelings like love, passion, hatred etc. As a matter of fact, I don't feel them too. I don't even feel simple and common feelings like happiness, sadness, frightened or being fond to anything. Once, I was pretty normal like anyone in this world. I had a girlfriend, a nice beautiful family, an adequate number of friends and a decent number of foes too. In a nutshell, I had everything a man should have at his 23rd.

But almost in a sudden, I dont feel love for my girlfriend. I don't feel responsibility for my family or friends. I don't even feel hatred for my enemies (this part is something to be happy about, maybe) Actually, I don't care anymore. The world shut me off - this is one thing I guess. This could be the feeling if I felt anything at all. I don't know if anyone here experienced the same.

I hide myself under writing. Many people in my country love to read my writings. I've hidden behind my writing skill all to well, for about 2.5 years. Already 9 of my novels had been published and people always complain to me to write something under 300 pages!
It totally killed my weekend!!
Only if they knew why and how I've managed this career. But recently, I've lost the mask. Even writing novels doesn't comfort me anymore. I don't feel good about writing too. (So long for my writing career)

This feeling nothing helped me a lot to build my career. I didn't try to dodge this situation before. I've like my new (or old?) friend. As long as its making me a young and popular writer nationwide, who cares about treating the condition? I didn't. But now I think, things will go boomerang back at me. It's going to destroy my career, the only place I've found serenity will be gone. I feel like home, sweet home is going to be burnt down.

I only feel those physical things any biological machine would feel. I feel pain if I'm severely injured (and by severely, I mean it. Accident caused loosing 200-300ml blood, butI didn't felt pain. Because it wasn't severe), I feel hunger if I'm very very hungry, and I feel the urge to kiss/ sleep with girls (not just my girlfriend, any girl who'd throw herself at me) and I'm putting the last one to the biological needs section. In short, I only feel the things that an animal feel.

Physical pains, Hunger, Lust.

I don't worry about these things much. But nowadays I'm a bit edgy. I've lost my shelter of being a novelist. Besides, somewhere I've read this kind of people easily can transform into harming other people like serial killers or something. I don't want to reach to that stage. I don't want to harm people eventually. Is there a possibility of harming people if somebody suffer from this?

BTW, I don't cut myself or self-harm in any way. I just don't care about other people and I don't feel a thing. Share if someone having similar experience. I'll be grateful.

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Machine93
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 11:36 am
Location: Dhaka, Bangladesh

Re: I don't feel anything...at all

Postby Machine93 » Thu Sep 07, 2017 10:51 am

No response whatsoever.

DiegoArgentina92
Posts: 62
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 5:47 am
Location: Argentina

Re: I don't feel anything...at all

Postby DiegoArgentina92 » Thu Sep 07, 2017 3:26 pm

Hi, i was going to reply you, but i finished not doing it.

Ive have that feeling of feel nothing at all, sometimes its pretty weird, cause, i lost "interest" in things like family, and think that really breaks my heart, feel like i can abandom my family, and abandome myself, and then just live life like being a waste.

Really interesting what you told about you writing stories.

Well, just wanted to give you a reply. If you want to chat about whatever let me know, going to re-read the message to posted later to remember better what you said.

Bye.

Panda
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Sep 07, 2017 3:20 pm

Re: I don't feel anything...at all

Postby Panda » Thu Sep 07, 2017 3:47 pm

Strange, the first thing caught my eyes here is this topic.
I have almost the same problem, tho it didn't happen suddenly, it took a long time to reach the point where I couldn't feel anything. Plus, I don't feel lust. But the rest really familiar, even the writing part. I was an amateur writer, I only published online some novelles, but I wanted to make career out of it. I was also working on a comic (drawing was my passion since childhood), but nowdays these things don't bring me joy. I didn't even write anything in a long time, cause I lost my creativity along with my emotions. Sometimes it's even hard to think or focus on one thing, but that's more likely my depression doing, taking my energy away.
Also, a strange thing, even if I can't feel anything my body reacts to things like it should do normally. When I received my gift from my friend for my birthday, I couldn't stop smiling and I had an adrenalin rush, but I still didn't feel anything. I was hollow, but my body acted as a happy person should have acted. My friend tried to convince me that I felt happy, while I tried to explain her that the only thing I felt was physical pain.

I don't have a solution for this problem, but I sharing this. At least you know, you're not alone. I hope this helps something.

Spleefy
Posts: 240
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: I don't feel anything...at all

Postby Spleefy » Sat Sep 09, 2017 8:46 am

Hi guys,

I have a long history of major depression. In fact, literally, half my life was spent in a state of major depression, which began when I was 13.

What's interesting is that many people do feel what you have essentially described: numb, detached, disconnected from self and the world around them.

I have felt disconnected, but I don't think I have ever felt numb. I just felt sheer torment that consumed every fiber of my being. The depression actually gave me a heightened awareness of my feelings, but in a distorted, self-limiting, and highly destructive way.

I am writing in past tense because I'm reflecting on the peak of depression in my life.

Depression is debilitating, isolating, and a very dark place. It detaches us from life and so it's only natural to eventually not feel anything at all.

What's interesting, as I reflect, I actually wanted to feel this... to feel numb. The torment that I am feeling is so stifling that I just don't want to feel at all, good or bad feelings. With good feelings come bad feelings -- this is a part of life. But I just couldn't stand the torment anymore that I would rather just feel nothing; live like a machine that is only productive without all the emotional complications that is the condition of being human, of being alive.

Deep down I do not want this. I know this is self-limiting. But with depression, you latch onto and desperately seek out anything that will either end the pain or provide relief. But for many, such as yourself, you become numb, emotionally paralyzed.

In saying this, I did lose joy in life and the activities that I once enjoyed. But I still cared and sought ways that provided relief, whether it was working out, writing poetry, or learning. So while I lost a lot of joy, motivation in life, strength, and even the will to live, I was still very much aware and in touch with my feelings.

@Panda, I find what you said about the gift you got from your friend fascinating. It just goes to show that human emotions are very complex and everyone's feelings and reactions can vary considerably. The mind and body are connected, after all, so our emotions can impact the physical plane of human functioning and physical trauma can affect our mental health and emotions. Thanks for sharing.

Spleefy


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