Never learned how to live life....now alone

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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CrazyWulf
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 1:09 pm

Never learned how to live life....now alone

Postby CrazyWulf » Sun Sep 03, 2017 1:38 pm

Not sure how to even start. I am a 35yr old male and have had depression my entire life or at least since around 6 or so. Beyond depression I have had severe social anxiety/phobia to the point where I have never made a friend or had an actual conversation my entire life. I dropped out of school in 9th grade since I wasn't learning anything and the schools were ignoring that fact. I started working at 16 but have never held onto a job for long, average duration would probably be 2-3 months. These days I honestly have absolute no idea how many jobs I have had, guessing 50-75. All close to minimum wage with interviews that consist of "Can you start tomorrow"

So at 28 something bizarre happened.... I was still living with my father having never moved out on my own. I was working at Subway and out of some drunken desperation on both ends I met my first girlfriend/wife and we got an apt a year later. Two years later we have two children together and the marriage continued for 6yrs... Last November she decided she was done with my inability to have conversations and left, leaving me with the two kids most of the time.

Last November I also lost another job and sense then have not had the motivation to keep going out doing this. I moved into a public housing apartment with the kids and have been here since. I get food stamps and temporary assistance....but now my temporary assistance is getting cut so basically have to live with around $100/month in cash benefits with my kids. If I pay rent for my public housing I might have around $20 for the month.... So I guess I have to not pay the rent and chance being homeless.

I have no idea what I am going to do right now. I have tried seeking out all kinds of help but there's really nothing out there that I am not already receiving. I am just so lost

DiegoArgentina92
Posts: 62
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 5:47 am
Location: Argentina

Re: Never learned how to live life....now alone

Postby DiegoArgentina92 » Mon Sep 04, 2017 6:38 am

Hi. really dont know what to tell you... are you still close to your parents ? Maybe your kids can live with them, and you can try to find a job... or ask for money to your parents to pay the bills... dont know if any Social Assistance can help you... Good luck with this.

CrazyWulf
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 1:09 pm

Re: Never learned how to live life....now alone

Postby CrazyWulf » Mon Sep 04, 2017 9:26 am

Have never been close to my parents at all. I believe my father has a lot of the same problems and so while living with him all of that time he never really tried to talk to me. My mother is kind of normal but still I never have talked to her and she reallybdoesnt know anything about me. A couple of times a year they reach out but I either ignore them or just act like everything is fine even though they know it's not. I feel like the black sheep of the family...mI have a sister one year older than me who is well into a six figure salary and a younger step sister 12yrs younger who is a nurse and getting by as well.... Here I am a 35yr old man who has never made more than $12/hr in his entire life and can't keep a job at all due to anxiety, depression/motivation. I really feel like my family wouldn't be surprised one bit at the news of my suicide one day.....I am the very definition of a loser.

I have tried getting on. disability but of course denied which I guess is expected for the first few years with mental disability.... Beyond that I habe no idea where to turn. Some have suggested I find a church but I am not a religious person at all and also have a hard time talking to anybody. I just don't know anymore

DiegoArgentina92
Posts: 62
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 5:47 am
Location: Argentina

Re: Never learned how to live life....now alone

Postby DiegoArgentina92 » Mon Sep 04, 2017 10:28 am

And maybe talk with your sister ? About she know something about a job ? Maybe not social assistance for dessability, but for have kids you cant recieve something ? Dont know, just good luck man, im here if you need to chat about it.

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Machine93
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 11:36 am
Location: Dhaka, Bangladesh

Re: Never learned how to live life....now alone

Postby Machine93 » Mon Sep 04, 2017 12:32 pm

Please calculate your possibilities at hand. Don't go for a decision blindly.

What can you do?
So far, I'm seeing some options.

1. Going back to your father's.
- Is it possible? Don't tell me its hard. Just tell me if its possible or impossible? If it is, take a temporary shelter. If not for you, for your kids.

2. Talk with the kids mother.
- Being homeless is one thing when you are alone. But it is completely different with two kids in your custody. So, try the mother. Maybe she can shred some lights for her children.

3. What possible options do you have to start another job?
- A job where you dont need to interact with other people most. Try to create a long list of jobs. And dont try any other job that doesnt belong to that list.

I wish all the best. What I'm writing here is just a sample. I dont know you, psychologically. So I will not try and advice you. I want you to think like this, thats all. Calculate all your possibility. Make a list.

THEN ACT!

Spleefy
Posts: 240
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Never learned how to live life....now alone

Postby Spleefy » Sun Sep 10, 2017 9:17 am

Hi CrazyWulf,

My thoughts go out to you and your kids. You are a single parent of two kids, trying to hold down jobs of minimum wage, you struggle everyday with having enough money to cover even basic living expenses, along with depression, anxiety, your wife leaving, limited resources and support, and a ton of other issues going on in your life.

Based on what you said, you’ve had a less than ideal start to life and you’ve been just keeping your head above water ever since. And, like me, it sounds like you weren't given the tools, let alone taught how to use them, to thrive in a world that can be unforgiving to those who are unprepared.

You’re living with inhibitions because of the depression and anxiety, which makes even simple living a daily struggle. But the fact that you’ve had around 50-75 jobs and still trying to find ways to improve your situation for you and your kids, tells me that you are NOT the definition of a loser, a failure, or a quitter.

Based on what I read about you, you want to know what I see?

I see a man who is temporarily down on his luck.

I see man who has been brought in to world with limited support and tools to thrive. Despite this, this man keeps trying and doing the best he can with what resources he has at his disposal.

I see a man who is a dad to 2 children he loves more than anything and, despite feeling lost and uncertain, refuses to quit because he has children who are relying on him to pull through this and find a solution to improve the situation for both himself and his kids.

I see a man being a father that his kids can be proud of. Your kids will look back on this moment and remember you as a brilliant dad. You are a damn good man and a great father to your kids for doing everything you can to make your situation better. I applaud you for this.

Depression affects us on all levels of human functioning. So holding down a job is exceedingly challenging. But at least you keep trying! That doesn't sound like the definition of a loser to me. To me, this is the definition of a man who is a human being, going through tremendous struggles, but still stepping up to the plate. This is what winners do, not losers!

Keep reaching out, friend. There is help out there. Have you tried the mental health team? Where I am it’s a free service. You go through the hospital and they refer you to a mental health team in your area. They might be able to help you, not only with what you are going through right now with depression and anxiety, but also get you in touch with the right people for your particular situation. The health specialist could also possibly speak on your behalf.

I was seeing a psychologist for clinical depression years ago. I was living transiently in Youth Accommodation Services since I was 15. I was evicted from the last one and was living in a cemetery for at least a month. It was actually my psychologist that helped to push me forward on the waiting list for housing, so I was able to move in immediately.

This is why I thought a mental health team should be able to get you in touch with the right people for your particular situation. Networking is so important. I would just reach out to as many people as I could, but I do understand that you find it hard to talk to people.

I’m not sure if your family can help in any way? Based on what you wrote, you don’t appear to have a close relationship with them. This is a shame. I do know what this is like.

If I was in this situation, I would find a way to get my story out there. Heck, I would even write to the town mayor if that’s what it took. I would go all out and just let people know that I’m a single, struggling parent who is down on his luck, just looking for a hand-up, not a handout. If you go all out and just get your story out there to as many people as possible, you will be bound to get the help you need.

This is just something I would do if I were in a desperate situation and had dependents. However, I can imagine this would be hard to do if you find it challenging to talk to people. But if you take the step out of your comfort zone, despite how challenging it is, you will generate positive results.

If I think of anything else that may help you in your situation I will let you know. Keep your head up and trust you will find a solution for you and your children. You can AND will get through this.

Spleefy


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