I feel alone.

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steph03
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Aug 26, 2017 10:33 am

I feel alone.

Postby steph03 » Sat Aug 26, 2017 10:52 am

I feel alone. I'm constantly thinking about everything and it frustrates me. I hate thinking, it annoys me because I'm usually thinking negative thoughts. For a while now I've been having friend issues. My friends are slowly not being my friends anymore. I know that we're still friends but we used to be best friends. The thing is, they both have someone if we weren't to be friends anymore but I don't. I've tried to hint it but one friend hardly talks to me anymore and the other likes someone more than me.

It's not jealousy, I know the difference. One of my friends was waiting outside my Math class and that friend never does that so when she did I was so happy but she was waiting for her new friend. She saw me but she walked off with the other girl and forgot I existed. I feel as if I'm the backup plan and it sucks. I don't want to have other friends so does that make me selfish? I want it to be just me but when it is I'm thinking and when I'm thinking I start crying and leads me to feel alone. I'm sorry this way too long and a waste of time to read but I don't know what else to do because talking to someone in real life makes it real and when someone replies to this I guess it kind of makes it real too...

If it helps, when you're replying (if you reply) I'm 14 and female.

lukasz
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue Sep 12, 2017 11:33 am

Re: I feel alone.

Postby lukasz » Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:13 pm

Hi, you don't need to be sorry for telling what you had on your mind - that's the purpose of sites like these. About your friends, if they don't feel like hanging out with you anymore, it means that the relationship you had with them was not that strong. So, you ought not to care too much about them, and just try to go on. When you find those "real" friends, they will stay without you trying anything :wink:

carolinewarren
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 9:11 am

Re: I feel alone.

Postby carolinewarren » Wed Sep 13, 2017 9:30 am

First of all, all the problems arise from negative feelings. First you should remove negativity from your mind. Start doing thinks which makes you happy. Don't ever think that I am alone and I don't have friends any more. Always remember to smile not matter what the situation is. You can also take guidance from voyance direct, they can help you to fight with these feelings. Be happy and smiling!

Spleefy
Posts: 17
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: I feel alone.

Postby Spleefy » Thu Sep 14, 2017 9:07 am

Hi Steph,

There is nothing to forgive -- you were just expressing your feelings. You have every right to feel the way you do because they are your feelings. What matters is what we do with our feelings. You’ve expressed yours, and this is always better than bottling it up or not confronting our issues at all.

Friends are precious, so it’s completely understandable that you feel the way you do.

You said you “hinted” at them about how you feel. But have you talked directly to them about this? Perhaps you could tell them what you told us? Sometimes we can assume the worst about a situation that may or may not be as bad as it really is.

I can’t say whether or not your friends are intentionally or unintentionally making you feel left out. The only way to find out is to talk to them. I would make a time and sit down together and tell them pretty much what you shared on here. At least you’ll get the chance to express your feelings and viewpoint and you will get their side.

I don’t know the full story or relationship dynamics between you guys, but there could be any number of reasons they are doing what they are doing. This is why it’s important you talk to them about this before you make any decisions or overthink the situation.

I know this is hard on you, Steph. You were best friends and now you feel like you are losing them. I'm deeply sorry you are feeling so alone right now. You may feel like they have stopped caring or that you don't exist. You feel like you are just a placeholder or backup. So, of course, you are hurting... of course you are feeling alone.

I didn't quite make out what you said when you asked if it was selfish. Did you mean you don't want to have other friends? OR did you mean you don't want your friends to have other friends but you? Either way, no, I do not think this is selfish.

You feel like you are losing your friends, so it's only natural you would want things to go back to the way they were.

It would even be understandable to want them all to yourself because you feel like you are losing them to other people. They have other friends, but you have only them at the moment. So if they go you will feel like you have nobody and feel very much alone. It sounds like you just want to hold onto something that matters so much to you.

I sincerely hope you can work this out with your friends and you can become close again. But whatever happens, just know that you will get through these troubled times, whether these friends are going to be apart of your life or not.

As for the negative thoughts...

What I find helps when I get a negative thought is to immediately challenge it and replace it with something rational. For example, I sometimes feel like a placeholder to other people. So I try to challenge this statement by saying:

"Where is the evidence for this statement?"

"Who said I am a placeholder?"

"Even if a few people did use me as a placeholder, does this mean EVERYBODY will do it (i.e, making generalizations)?"

I find challenging and replacing my negative thoughts with rational ones helps to put things into perspective, prevent overthinking and negative thoughts from snowballing. You might find this technique useful whenever you are hit with a negative thought.

Steph, if you feel like sharing more about the situation, please do. There are people on here who will listen and try to help you through this rough patch with your friends. I know you don't want to lose your friends and you feel very alone. But no matter what happens, you will be OK. And with a warm and caring personality like yours, you'll have no problems attracting new friends and people into your life.

Spleefy


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