Depression after surgery

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Breezy
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2017 4:59 pm

Depression after surgery

Postby Breezy » Tue Jun 06, 2017 5:15 pm

Hi everyone, I am new here​. I have read some posts and it brings me some comfort to see I am not alone even if it is virtual company.

Depression and anxiety are not new to me. I've had it since I was 11. However the past few days have almost been unbearable. It would take a novel to tell my whole life story so I am going to stick with what is going on right now.

I'm a 42 year old woman who has not been in a committed relationship since I was 21. I have no kids. I do have job that allows me to pay my bills and live somewhat comfortably. I do not have a lot people to turn to in a time of need. I have severed ties with so many people that I can't count. A lot of this has to do with my own insecurities and social anxiety. I was bullied a lot in middle school and bullied at home by own older brother and mentally immature mother. My dad was also abusive emotionally and would sometimes beat me. My parents are immigrants and I have no relatives in my country of canada. I've never felt I belong anywhere. Ok I haven't even gotten to the point yet but wanted to give some background info.

Last Monday I had an ACL surgery on my right knee leaving me unable to get around for a maximum of 6 weeks. I had no one to ask for help other then my parents who I don't really get along with. They agreed to help until I can get around again. I've stayed with them since the surgery. I seemed fine until this past Sunday. On Sunday I just started bawling and bawling. I am still crying today. I don't know if it has to do with Percocets the doc gave me but I can't remember feeling this horrible for years. My goes to the past a lot thinking about people that are no longer part of my life. I sent a heartfelt msg yesterday to someone I was close to in my University days and he hasn't replied. I have reaching out to so many people almost grasping at straws. Suicide has entered my mind on more than one occasion.

When I look up the people in my past many seem so successful and happy and have significant others. More than jealousy I am heartbroken and disappointed in myself for not getting my life together.

I am on paxil and it usually levels my moods but it doesn't appear to be working now. Also I am now out of the Percocets so I I'll in a couple of days if they were part of the problem. Staying in another city with my parents probably is the best for me either though they have been tolerable. Everything is making me cry and I am also anxious about getting back to work after 2 weeks off.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can calm down and find some peace?

Breezy
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2017 4:59 pm

Re: Depression after surgery

Postby Breezy » Wed Jun 07, 2017 9:46 am

Well it's kind of sad that no one has posted any reply yet.

Suzi
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:33 am

Re: Depression after surgery

Postby Suzi » Wed Jun 07, 2017 10:39 am

Hi Breezy, Sorry no one has posted yet. I'm usually on the computer earlier than this, but I had some flower gardens that needed watering this morning. I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I can totally relate. I was raised my an emotionally immature mother. Her Dad committed suicide when she was 9 and she was the first one into the room after he shot himself. Her emotional development stopped at age 9. She was never able to be compassionate or empathetic because her whole life (even now at 77) is defined by her Dad's suicide.
Maybe the Percocet is interfering with the Paxil. But don't be afraid of the tears. Maybe being with your parents is bringing back a lot from the past and your tears are a way of purging all of that out of your system. Let them out, let them cleanse you. Saying a prayer that you feel better soon. Have you looked into joining a support group, like Celebrate Recovery?

Breezy
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2017 4:59 pm

Re: Depression after surgery

Postby Breezy » Wed Jun 07, 2017 5:59 pm

Thank you for the prayers and post Suzy. I am still feeling vulnerable but not as bad as the last few days. I reconnected with an old friend and we have plans to get together. She also said many kind words. Work also connected me to see were I was staying so they could send something. These small things mean the world to be at this time.

Long ago during a very rough phase I read the book "a road less traveled" which helped me a lot. I remember it said depression was a blessing in some ways because it is your soul telling you change is needed. I am seeing now that I need to make many changes. Changes that will be uncomfortable at first but are needed. I'm also going to try meditate. Which means discipline - an uncomfortable change. I hope I am on my way to recovering from life long hurt.

Thank for sharing the story of your mother Suzi. I think my mom stopped maturing at the age of 15 after her mom died then she was arranged marriage to my dad at 16. This was the culture back it in the 60s where my parents were from so it was normal to them.

Breezy
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2017 4:59 pm

Re: Depression after surgery

Postby Breezy » Wed Jun 07, 2017 6:07 pm

Also I will look into celebrate recovery. I am not Christian but I do respect Jesus.

Suzi
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:33 am

Re: Depression after surgery

Postby Suzi » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:53 pm

Breezy, I am so encouraged to read your responses and that you have had some positive things happen. Regarding depression being a blessing. I have thought the same thing. Like the song, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." Which reminds me I recently read a book called Stronger by Clayton King. He talks about that. You sound like your outlook is a lot better. So glad we had the chance to connect on here.

Breezy
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2017 4:59 pm

Re: Depression after surgery

Postby Breezy » Wed Jun 07, 2017 8:23 pm

I'm glad we connected too Suzy. You appear to be very in tune and thoughtful.

Breezy
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2017 4:59 pm

Re: Depression after surgery

Postby Breezy » Thu Jun 08, 2017 11:37 am

I'm going to check out the local celebrate recovery group next tuesday if I am physically able. Does anyone have any experience with these groups? If, would you please share your opinion of them?

Suzi
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:33 am

Re: Depression after surgery

Postby Suzi » Fri Jun 09, 2017 2:01 pm

Thanks Breezy, I have spent a lot of years feeling like I was crazy, so I started reading everything I could get my hands on regarding anxiety, self help, etc. I have a whole list of books that I have read. I will probably aways have the tendency toward anxiety and depression because of the abuses in my childhood, but recognize my triggers a lot earlier now and don't allow myself to sink into the pit. I want to spend the rest of my life helping others.

Suzi
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:33 am

Re: Depression after surgery

Postby Suzi » Mon Jun 12, 2017 10:56 am

Breezy, How are you doing today? Are you still planning to go to Celebrate Recovery tomorrow?

Breezy
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2017 4:59 pm

Re: Depression after surgery

Postby Breezy » Mon Jun 12, 2017 1:24 pm

I am doing much better Suzi thank you for asking. I think the Percocets added to the other issues I was facing. Just because I feel better doesn't mean I'm going to forget what happened last week so yes I do plan on checking out celebrate recovery tomorrow.

Also I am appreciating my parents a lot more. They had no obligation at my age to help me but they did....they helped a lot physically. I can also see they are trying to be more sensitive to my emotions.

Sadly I learned that my brother cannot be trusted it counted on. Our relationship is over I don't care if he is blood. Not a big a loss since he has never been there for me...just disappointed.

How are you today Suzi and where are you from?

harry56
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Jun 13, 2017 1:10 am

Re: Depression after surgery

Postby harry56 » Tue Jun 13, 2017 1:21 am

I really love living here. My grandfather and father have farmed this land for over 50 years. People love to buy my dads produce. There is even a waterfall near my house. But the closest town is so small that a stoplight is almost unheard of. All of my friends that I went to school with have moved out of state.


บาคาร่า

Suzi
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:33 am

Re: Depression after surgery

Postby Suzi » Tue Jun 13, 2017 10:13 am

Breezy, happy to hear you are doing better, and thankful with you for your parents' help. I am fortunate to still have both my parents also. A lot of my friends have lost one or both. Sorry to hear about your brother. I have a strained relationship with my older brother.
I am doing well. I live in the northeastern part of USA. Since I suffer from Seasonal Affective disorder, I love summer. It gets so dark and dreary here during the winter months. I think a lot of my depression is from Vitamin D deficiency. So in the summer, I like to stay active and enjoy working in my flower gardens. We had a busy weekend - 3 graduation parties to attend. And we celebrated my son's birthday yesterday. He is my sunshine.

Suzi
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:33 am

Re: Depression after surgery

Postby Suzi » Wed Jun 21, 2017 10:47 am

Hi Breezy, how is your knee coming along? Have you started Physical Therapy yet?


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