Me

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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MickD
Posts: 31
Joined: Tue Apr 18, 2017 12:57 pm

Me

Postby MickD » Tue Apr 18, 2017 1:29 pm

Hello,

I know there's other people with worse problems than me and even people with worse problems who are always positive.
I just feel like I need somewhere to write/vent with the possibility of people listening.


I am 26 year old and I think ive been depressed for 20 years of that. obviously there has been periods where ive been somewhat happy for a while and periods where ive been low for a while rather than a constant stream of doom and gloom.


Ill tell a summary of my life story for those who are willing to listen.

My parents split up when I was 6 as my mother cheated on my father with my soon to be stepfather.
Stepfather used to hit me and my other sister (not to the point of beatings but as a 'punishment' with the odd smack round the head or something), constantly put us down in any form and generally being a terrible people.
He and my mother then had a child together and this child was treated different to me and my sister, got what she wanted and was generally praised. All this time My father did very minimal about the situation and the only supportive person i had was my grandmother who I would see on a weekend (unless i was grounded for whatever reason).

Eventually after years of this my sister ran away from home and began living with one of her friends. I attempted to run way from home when i was 14 but the police took my back home, which didnt go down too well.
When i was 16 i ran away from home again to my grandmothers and after a bit of time i was eventually allowed to stay with her.
My mother played the victim card suggesting how she was a good mother and my gran was just out to make her look bad and she never did anything wrong blah blah blah and she still does this to this day rather than just giving me a simple apology. so i havent really spoke to her since.

At this point i wouldnt of labelled myself as depressed but rather miserable with the situation i was in.
When i lived at my grans i continued going to school but i had all this new found freedom and was able to do what i wanted and began having a larger social circle. I was extremely happy at this point, I left school and went to college, i met the most perfect Girl in the world and fell in love with her. I started working at a supermarket while i was at college and this made me miserable as it was mind numbing work and the hours were very unsociable because 'i was a student and students get these hours' (this made my social circle decrease as i was usually working on the days they all had plans), my mother appeared from the cracks and started again with how she did nothing wrong and i started to get a bit bitter and angry with the world. I split with this girl i was with because i became so negative and bitter. After we split i went to the doctors and was prescribed with fluoxetine which i took for several month. I felt better and I was going to uni So i decided it was time to come off of these as i get a new start. I went to Uni and studied Criminology and Law. For three years i wasnt exactly miserable or happy i was dwindling in between, there were days when i was low and days when i was very high. I had some of my best memories at uni. When i finished i said goodbye to some of the greatest people ive met and started working in a restaurant. I got quickly promoted to a teamleader/management position and was accepted on a graduate scheme that the company put forward. However i never actually moved on from being accepted and after a number of emails it was clear i was just forgotten about. I had relationships that ended and i was working very unsociable hours, long hours (sometimes 70 hour weeks) for very little money. At this point i felt miserable again, no career objective, no jobs in the degree i did were coming around, i wasnt particularly happy in any of the relationships i had, i wasnt close to anyone in my family except my gran and my friend circle was becoming very small.

I decided on a change and because there are no jobs in the field i learned (3 years after graduating), i got my HGV licence. I joined a company i thought would be good as it paid well and it was mostly weekends off so i felt this was a positive change.
A housemate moved in and i met a girl through his girlfriend. I fell in love for a second time (im not one to say love so easily). we went on holiday together and she basically lived with me. My housemate eventually moved out so i was left with all the bills basically (girlfriend helped with some stuff but she didnt live here properly so i didnt expect anything).
Ive never done so much for anyone as i did for her, simple stuff like bringing her starbucks to work, running her a bath and cooking dinner when i finish work ready for her, taking us out on day trips ect. Anyways My job suddenly became more demanding, more and more work was loaded onto me, people were leaving the company so even more work was spread between less people. so i was finishing later and later and the money became less decent when you considered the hours i was now putting it. its the first time ive ever been in a situation where ive cried because ive been so stressed i didnt know what else to do. i started arguing with the girl (it was a both way argument not particularly initiated by me) and we split.

when we split she decided to go to another country to work in a zoo for experience for a month (she did an animal related degree).
I know people say theres plenty more fish in the sea and stuff but ive never met anyone else like these two girls so i dont have much hope of seeing this, especially at 26.
I live alone now, i hate going to work, my social circle is very small and ive only really one family member. So ive been feeling extremely miserable for a while now.
I literally booked an appointment to see a doctor tomorrow an hour ago.


Anyways thats my story, i appreciate if anyone actually sat through and read that.

Helloraspberries1
Posts: 260
Joined: Wed May 25, 2016 2:11 pm

Re: Me

Postby Helloraspberries1 » Tue Apr 18, 2017 1:50 pm

Hi there, I don't know how you coped all this time but you should be proud of yourself for surviving when things been bad. It's not easy to do that on your own.

I was reading your story and I can just feel sorry for you. I don't mean that in a pitty way or anything. Not just that you shouldn't had to just go through this but that you should of never have gone through this.

You mentioned your family alot. I see this was the main problem you had. I'm sorry that happened to you and how you and your other sibling got treated. Again none of this was your fault. It was them not giving you the love and attention you deserve. They didn't give you that or that to your sibling. Don't blame yourself for a second. Your better then that.

I too am floxetine. Been on it on and off but finally still on it till this time. I found that the medication was helpful and I was lucky not to experience any very bad symptoms but I know it did cure everything. I still feel like some days I can't do it. Also today was a good example. I also work on retail and as working on tills it is really hard and challenging for me. I kept making every mistake on there and customers are so demanding that I felt I was the mistake but realised its the job. People keep saying I will get better as I'm still new but feel I won't. How many times I had to call someone over was silly. I know they will get rid of me. Also manager don't seem happy everytime I call him. I can't do nothing about it though.

Do you have advice on this? I mean I got a forum about it on here but wondering what I can do. There are people there who are nice. There's one lady what has worked there for ten years!!! It will be a miracle if I stay there for that long.

Hope everything gets better soon. Also I'm here as a friend if you need someone to listen. I too feel lonely and I understand how you feel about relationships you had in past. Good ones. I felt I ruined it.

Look forward to hearing from you

Helloraspberries

Sky823
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Apr 18, 2017 1:14 pm

Re: Me

Postby Sky823 » Tue Apr 18, 2017 2:02 pm

i know a lot about family drama, especially from a mother and step father. it is a good sign that you have made an appointment to see a doctor. im not really sure how these replies are supposed to go, but i just think that everyone here might think they are alone and no one wants to listen but i hope me replying shows that is not true.
i hope the doctors appointment is helpful.

MickD
Posts: 31
Joined: Tue Apr 18, 2017 12:57 pm

Re: Me

Postby MickD » Tue Apr 18, 2017 3:23 pm

Thanks guys I genuinely appreciate people listening to me and taking time to reply, makes me feel less lonely even though its essentially words on a screen it means a lot.


Helloraspberries. Is this retail role your first role? i worked in retail for 7 years until i finished uni and worked on every department pretty much. I disliked checkouts the most too to be honest. I found making mistakes was very annoying to myself but also very beneficial because i learned to not keep making the same mistakes. like if i messed up id either know how to resolve it next time and then learn not to do it in the first place, i eventually could even help others, so mistakes are good things. dont let them get you down. I dont know if itll be the same for you but if say an item needed adjusting we would have to call a supervisor to use their key to sort it out even though i could of done it myself, that was most frustrating for me.

I usually picked up roles quite quickly after my first few months of working. past the first few i was terrible but eventually i picked everything up quickly, even when i get a new role. when i worked at a supermarket i was trained on every department nearly which was alright but at same time id be first person theyd ring up if anyone rang in and id be expected to finish massive work loads because i could, i used to get my head down and not stand round gossiping. This made me the go to guy to sort everything out even though i wasnt management here which was extremely annoying because i wasnt in any position of power but had loads of responsibility (on a sunday i remember at uni for an entire year i was expected to work on three departments simultaneous which is what made me hate the role so much).

So what im saying is, mistakes are good to make as they serve big lessons to get you great at something if youre willing to learn from them. When a mistake happens take a step back to assess whats happening, which i know can be difficult with a customer at the other side of you.




With the relationship thing, its just so upsetting when you find a rare someone you can connect with on all levels and manage to mess it up. like i know looking at it rationally theres a multitude of things that could of ruined it but it never changes feeling that I was the fault in it.

Helloraspberries1
Posts: 260
Joined: Wed May 25, 2016 2:11 pm

Re: Me

Postby Helloraspberries1 » Tue Apr 18, 2017 5:02 pm

Hi Mike, thank you so much for replying back.

No this isn't my first retail role. I worked in another retail shop for five months which was on the shop floor putting stock out. I was on different departments but that was to get to know the stock better as you said you did.

I'm working on tills in this job in retail and yes the tills are so stressful. It's basic when someone shows you then when you do it on your own you keep making mistakes. Like today was the day at happened again. Mistake after Mistake. Also yes they had to use there own password code to either avoid or look back at the transaction I made. They are the only ones who can do that but I don't like asking them cuz they get annoyed and think they told me so many times that I should know but I don't cuz I'm still new.

My review is coming up and nervous as hell. I feel it will just be negatives. I am trying my best but they don't see that. They keep seeing that I need to improve on this and smile more. How can I pretend to smile when I'm not a smiley person?? I left today feeling like crap. I thought I couldn't do this. Only people like my family and friend said I could do this made me think twice. I'm glad to know I'm not on my own there being new. I told this other girl about the review and now I've made her scared and wish now I didn't cuz she thinks this will happen to her too.

I just wanna get better and yes I am willing to learn. I hate the mistakes I'm making. I just can't get the money right or gift card transactions.

I don't know how you did it but well done on you. That job must of been so stressful. I wouldn't been able to survive. How did you do it? Are you still there? How did you become manager?

Yeah there are reasons why things don't work out. It's important to look at what went on and what you could change next time in next relationship. You will find someone who you will love again and this time it will be right.

MickD
Posts: 31
Joined: Tue Apr 18, 2017 12:57 pm

Re: Me

Postby MickD » Tue Apr 18, 2017 5:22 pm

Reviews are good though, its your chance to tell them your concerns. if its a good company thats point when they should take things on board and do stuff to help where you are struggling!

I wasnt a manager in retail, i worked in retail for 7 year then after i graduated i needed a change (and was sooooo stressed and fed up for retail) so i started working at a restaurant. i worked hard and got made a team leader (sort of middle management) but i got accepted on a graduate scheme within the company to become a manager of a site, but i got messed about and ended up just running the kitchen for three year. which i eventually got fed up off too (i tend to find jobs where i get messed about a lot, or maybe its just who i am? dunno).


I know that theres always plenty more fish and stuff like that but in 26 year ive only met two people i properly connect with (ive had other relationships, some long but never really properly connected) so im just a bit apprehensive that im gonna find a third one, especially at 26 when people tend to have kids or be married at my age. (it also doesnt help that this breakup was extremely recent and i dont even want to look elsewhere, im doing the terrible thing of checking their social media posts, which i know i definitely shouldnt)

Helloraspberries1
Posts: 260
Joined: Wed May 25, 2016 2:11 pm

Re: Me

Postby Helloraspberries1 » Wed Apr 19, 2017 3:08 am

Yeah I can understand that reviews can help you in your way to improving and getting support you really need to work well in the job but just feel it's a nervous time cuz in my reviews before its always been negative need to improve. Like manager said it last time to me. I am trying. I can only do my best.

I'm not gonna know the job inside out unless I was there for 10 years or so. There's a lady what's been there that long and if I was I wouldn't have these worries and will know I can do the job but right now I'm no where nearer that cuz everytime I start I fail :(

I just want them to see what support they can help me with. My friend is in the same boat but I feel I got more of a responsbilty cuz I'm mainly on tills and she isn't and we both work on different floors. I know the hours are just 4 hours a day which KS perfect for me and hers is to. Its being at work where the time goes slow and I'm very limited on what to do cuz I still have to be on tills. Wish there was something else I can do. I told my manager all this and was thinking of moving me on shop floor but I don't know whether he's doing that and if I will still struggle. The thing is I've worked in retail before but I didn't know it was gonna be this hard again so I'm surprised. It's maybe a different company. I don't know.

I spoke to my dad yesterday telling him about my job and he said what everyone else mainly said and don't worry and tried to make things sound positive in the job and that I'm new and having good days and bad days is normal. How do I overcome these concerns and do better at my job? That's what I wanna know. I don't know what to think :(

Your not a retail manager then? What was it about retail you didn't like? I've always liked retail and that was what I wanted to do maybe it was the interaction with people. I don't know but it's strange I got a passion for it but just can't do the job as good as I can event though I've worked in there before.

Is the restaurant job better? I also worked in catering. That was my job before retail. They are both fast passed my catering I struggled with as it was in kitchen and needed to complete tasks quickly. I'm never going back there again. Restaurant work really isn't for me. I still don't know what is lol.

Yeah it seems like the company's you worked for have messed you about. That is annoying. Was it the other managers? I know where your coming from. Other people said that to me too. Doesn't sound like at all you couldn't do the job. Complete opposite which I had :( Glad to know this job worked out for you.

Yeah but it's like not look in at the past again. I know I wish I could go back and amend stuff. Do things better and learn more but I can't. Also with relationships. I had a good relationship until I messed it up but sometimes it's two people what make or break a relationship so you can't think it's your fault. There was a reason why it broke down. Your meet someone else at the right time. Your still so young. I'm 24 and we got our lives ahead of us. Don't make this effect you.

Just remember your a good person. You never intended to hurt or upset anyone. You were going through a bad time. You needed all the support you got. It will be different this time despite having these same issues. Your meet someone who deserves you.

I will be going work again soon.

Talk later x

MickD
Posts: 31
Joined: Tue Apr 18, 2017 12:57 pm

Re: Me

Postby MickD » Wed Apr 19, 2017 3:56 am

Maybe shop floor might be better for you? i preferred the floor to the checkouts 100% to be fair. had freedom to move around and stuff and the money responsibility wasnt there.

When i worked in retail i was basically doing a managers job running round for everyone but i wasnt officially a manager, i didnt have the power or the money of one if that makes sense. i was just used because i i could get work done. I hated it eventually because of everything they expected me to get done and the rubbish shifts i used to get.

I enjoyed catering because of the close family type of work colleagues you get but the money and the hours i had to work put me off it.

I work driving a lorry at the moment, moneys good and i get most weekends off but again theyre starting to put so much work onto me that im spending all my days stressed and stuff.



I guess youre right, i just always think im getting too old to do anything even though im still in my 20s

Thank you

Helloraspberries1
Posts: 260
Joined: Wed May 25, 2016 2:11 pm

Re: Me

Postby Helloraspberries1 » Wed Apr 19, 2017 3:01 pm

Hi there, just wanted to message back and say manager praised me first time today about starring conversations with customers and smiling. He was proud of me. I couldn't believe when he said that. Thought he was gonna say to engage again lol.

I was better today working. Maybe I had bad day and next day became better. I just know my luck will run out. Just gonna now take it one step at a time. I realised whether I could do the tills but thought not to get carried away cuz with getting better at serving people now, I still got a way to go with the tills and that's maybe the thing holding me back. There was one guy today I was talking to and he said he was put on tills and asked manager to change him to shop floor and they did but he still goes on tills now and again. Most people feel like that there. I would prefer shop floor but I don't know what is gonna happen.

I realised today that it's just not me what don't have it easy. Was talking to my friend and mentioned about her boyfriend again and him being kicked out and having to stay in accommodation and it's because of his step dad. She had the same problem with him and that's what made things I think how it was. I feel sorry for both of them and they got kid on the way. They should be happy but just goes to show you arnt the only way who has it hard. I looked at her and thought she had everything. She was one of those girls but no.

You just got to be happy and not nothing or anyone get in the way. That's why relationships can really test you out. It's about a matter of time before things start changing and that's what happened to my friend recently. You just don't know.

You said you were not officially manager? Assistant manager? Yeah I've seen the managers at my work more the supervisors running around sorting people's jobs out and recorrecting till lol. It must be so annoying for them. I don't like asking all time but I've got to. Power of money? You never sorted the money out at end? I really couldn't do that lol. Omg that would be hell for me!!!!!!

Yeah it sounds like they did. Didn't seem like they looked after there staff as good. It was a bit like my old job. The managers were to blame really. They use to always fix the rota and put those people who didn't wanna work on a horrible shift. It really right. In the end some people left. I left cuz apparently of hours but I just think they kept those who weren't a threat to them lol.

How's your day been? You mentioned working as a driver? Those shifts must be long? Is it better then the previous job?

No you shouldn't think like that. You are young and got your whole life :)

Hope it's onwards and upwards lol.

MickD
Posts: 31
Joined: Tue Apr 18, 2017 12:57 pm

Re: Me

Postby MickD » Fri Apr 21, 2017 10:35 am

Thats good news then! youre getting praised :) so its looking good ha


Im currently a lorry driver yeah, its multi drop so can do like 15 drops or more in a day and we empty to truck by hand pretty much so its a bit harder than just driving a truck long distance (some people assume im just on my bum all day ha) so it can get a little stressful at times and stuff with sticking to a schedule. Ive had this week off work though because i booked some time off, not for a holiday or anything but just to be at home ha.

Been to the doctors since we last spoke and got prescribed some drugs to help me along so im feeling better (not because of the drugs because they wont be working yet but the fact i decided to get help for a bit)
Had an assessment day for the police yesterday but i think i failed, well i know i failed because on the maths part of the assessment i missed an entire page out and nothing can be done about that so ill have to wait until next years intake now ha.

Helloraspberries1
Posts: 260
Joined: Wed May 25, 2016 2:11 pm

Re: Me

Postby Helloraspberries1 » Fri Apr 21, 2017 11:53 am

That's good to hear!! I'm proud that you went to doctors in the end and took that first step getting help. I know it must of not been easy. Well Done :)

Yeah people assume alot of things. You can say that in retail customers always think arguing with you will result in them getting discount or knowing that they are right and your wrong and think they can just treat you not one of them. I think that's really horrible and you do get people who try and do that.

If you like your job that's all what matters. You seem to like lorry driving considering is stressful as you said but you like working on your own, meeting new people and working to a rota so that's all what matters. I don't know what it's like being a lorry driver lol but do you have to unload the lorry and help out with the stock or just unload it? I don't know what kind of company you work for but if it's a big warehouse then I imagine it's unloading it and dropping everything off.

You need time out. You picked a good time to do that. Hope your holiday is going well.

Why you taking an assessment for police force? I thought you had job. That what you mainly wanna do? Nothing's happened yet. You could pass and if you don't as you said there's always next year. Please don't be hard on yourself.

Yeah I'm just hoping my job gets better from here. I feel like I'm making improvements but then not. Like today that was something with putting the code in and as I got told to put another code in to scan it, it then confused me. So I'm checking on that and also price. There was customer yesterday who brought pjs and I scanned them as individuals but thought she got charged double. Came back and went customer service. I don't know whether I put it through twice or it was a set and shoulder of charged her more. That's why I'm constantly asking customers is that a set to make sure. Thinking about it now I think I must of put it in twice. I remember she said she got charged twice. The scanner is very sensitive. Also superviser has been starting to annoy me a bit. He wonders around which I don't mind as much but when I'm off till he wants me back on there. My manager said if I got nothing to do is to tidy up and now being told not to leave the till area. One time this girl on customer service called me and I was like what lol. She was calling me to go on tills but as I never have got the training to go on customer service I thought I wouldn't be able to do that and I should remain on the other till area. I feel like more one on one training is what I may need. I started picking up how to use the gift card system. That's good. Finally done it lol.

Yeah I will see how it goes. I still need to apply for other jobs. Wish I have.

I also need to book appointment to see doctor too. Tried yesterday but didn't get any answer.

MickD
Posts: 31
Joined: Tue Apr 18, 2017 12:57 pm

Re: Me

Postby MickD » Sat Apr 22, 2017 6:57 am

nah i dont like my job aha. I did at first but theyre putting to much on me now (and to be fair too much on the other drivers too). I did law at university so im wanting to get into criminal justice so the police was like an ideal job for me! i guess im just going to keep looking around and stuff.


Are you from America?
When i rang the doctors i had to book an appointment for the next day but apparently i was lucky to get one even that early because our healthcare budgets are being cut (im from England and at the moment healthcare is mainly free)

Helloraspberries1
Posts: 260
Joined: Wed May 25, 2016 2:11 pm

Re: Me

Postby Helloraspberries1 » Sat Apr 22, 2017 11:46 am

Awww I'm sorry to hear that. I thought you liked your job as you were saying that's been the best job you had and earn more money etc. I knew it was stressing you out. Taking the time off now I'd best. Have you told them your looking for another job? Is it the job it's self or just the stress of it? It sounds like a stressful job.

What job you gonna look for instead? I found that with my jobs in the past. There was one I worked for which was in a kitchen and I couldn't believe how much pressure it was. It was ridiculous!!!! It was on world cup day and how much washing up there was. I was the only one mainly doing it but that was probably because I couldn't cook the meals. There were others who were better but looking back at it now I wish I never applied if I knew it was gonna be like that. The place has changed its name. Other people are running it.

The retail job now seems alright. I just hope there's not alot of pressure to come but right now it seems alright. It's not like the other job where it was stressful on the shop floor. This one seems more controlled and balanced. Give this one a go if I can. I really do.

Your gonna join police force? That's good. When do you hear back from your exam? Good Luck with that.

No I'm not from America. UK lol. I thought you were from America? You don't live in UK then? Where do you currently live? Yeah I understand that. The health care budgets are always being cut. You mean the UK or America?

That's lucky.

MickD
Posts: 31
Joined: Tue Apr 18, 2017 12:57 pm

Re: Me

Postby MickD » Mon Apr 24, 2017 3:55 pm

Ye i hate my job aha. it pays well but i realise money isnt everything and it just stresses me out.

i want to do something with my degree (law) so just looking around really but having no luck, which is also part of reason im feeling low to be fair. my current job doesnt know im looking i dont think but if they asked i would tell them i am.


Ye im from the UK ha, ive never even visiting America although its on my to do list.

Helloraspberries1
Posts: 260
Joined: Wed May 25, 2016 2:11 pm

Re: Me

Postby Helloraspberries1 » Tue Apr 25, 2017 1:37 pm

Sorry to hear that. I didn't know it didn't pay you enough. That's a shame. Maybe your better finding a job with more pay. Don't they have any jobs in lorry driving what pay more money? Have you tried warehouse work?

Yeah I know what you mean. It can take time to get any job. You just have to keep looking but in mean time do something else.

Is there no law jobs in administration, police or a community cuz they have roles in that sector where you might work in law but behind a computer doing cases or paperwork in the office department or working with younger people who in need of help to do with the gangs or violence and that can be law work working with police or other organisations.

Yeah its when you wanna tell them. I think if you have gained work then you should tell me.

Yeah I'm from uk too lol. Ok.


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