LOST
Posted: Mon Apr 17, 2017 11:27 am
Help, I can't help this feeling of lost and loneliness, its getting me down so much. I completely feel alone, even though I have two daughters around a lot, I suddenly I feel like they are not there any more. I don't communicate any more with them, its like I've just stopped really caring anymore and trying.
I've not really had much of a life and I honestly feel like I can't be bothered anymore. I've given so much of me, over the years, worrying about everyone else and tying to help, my family and all their hang ups. My husband left years ago, he has bi-polar, he has issues with recreational drugs, as well, he mentally abused me, just because I cared. My Oldest Daughter abused me when she was in her teens and made my life hell, my youngest, whom was such a good girl, went off the rails and I feel like I failed miserably as a parent for not being strong enough. I look at both my girls now and worry, because of what we all went through in the past, how its affected them, they both seem to have relationship issues and life seems a mess for me as well. I just wish I was sort of person, who was stronger, its just too much of a fight, to stop going down this path, where life becomes such an utter waste of time and stop myself from going into this shell. I'm still in contact with my ex husband, because I know he still needs me, in his life because his life is just as miserable as well, we all know about it and its a constant worry, because he won't look after himself.
I've had a lot of issues regarding my physical health, which has stopped me from working. I've had so much pain after having a partial knee operation, which wasn't done correctly, it left me with a slight twist in my leg and an Achilles tendon, which was agony to walk on. I am now left, with a bad hip and back and the other leg and knee, has weakened considerably and I have arthritis on that knee, which is bone on bone.
I've just lost my dog. I had to put her to sleep, which was an agonising decision, because she had nasal tumour. I miss her terribly, she was the only thing that kept me going, now she's gone and life just doesn't seem the same anymore. I can't seem to make friends, it seems to be getting worse as I get older.
I just don't feel I'm any use any more and I really don't feel like that any thing, that I have that any one wants from me any more. I feel such a waste of space. I am not interesting or fun to be around. I haven't got any sparkle to me and I feel like that just the way I am and that won't ever change.
I've not really had much of a life and I honestly feel like I can't be bothered anymore. I've given so much of me, over the years, worrying about everyone else and tying to help, my family and all their hang ups. My husband left years ago, he has bi-polar, he has issues with recreational drugs, as well, he mentally abused me, just because I cared. My Oldest Daughter abused me when she was in her teens and made my life hell, my youngest, whom was such a good girl, went off the rails and I feel like I failed miserably as a parent for not being strong enough. I look at both my girls now and worry, because of what we all went through in the past, how its affected them, they both seem to have relationship issues and life seems a mess for me as well. I just wish I was sort of person, who was stronger, its just too much of a fight, to stop going down this path, where life becomes such an utter waste of time and stop myself from going into this shell. I'm still in contact with my ex husband, because I know he still needs me, in his life because his life is just as miserable as well, we all know about it and its a constant worry, because he won't look after himself.
I've had a lot of issues regarding my physical health, which has stopped me from working. I've had so much pain after having a partial knee operation, which wasn't done correctly, it left me with a slight twist in my leg and an Achilles tendon, which was agony to walk on. I am now left, with a bad hip and back and the other leg and knee, has weakened considerably and I have arthritis on that knee, which is bone on bone.
I've just lost my dog. I had to put her to sleep, which was an agonising decision, because she had nasal tumour. I miss her terribly, she was the only thing that kept me going, now she's gone and life just doesn't seem the same anymore. I can't seem to make friends, it seems to be getting worse as I get older.
I just don't feel I'm any use any more and I really don't feel like that any thing, that I have that any one wants from me any more. I feel such a waste of space. I am not interesting or fun to be around. I haven't got any sparkle to me and I feel like that just the way I am and that won't ever change.