Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Postby Dottydot » Mon Apr 17, 2017 11:27 am

Help, I can't help this feeling of lost and loneliness, its getting me down so much. I completely feel alone, even though I have two daughters around a lot, I suddenly I feel like they are not there any more. I don't communicate any more with them, its like I've just stopped really caring anymore and trying.

I've not really had much of a life and I honestly feel like I can't be bothered anymore. I've given so much of me, over the years, worrying about everyone else and tying to help, my family and all their hang ups. My husband left years ago, he has bi-polar, he has issues with recreational drugs, as well, he mentally abused me, just because I cared. My Oldest Daughter abused me when she was in her teens and made my life hell, my youngest, whom was such a good girl, went off the rails and I feel like I failed miserably as a parent for not being strong enough. I look at both my girls now and worry, because of what we all went through in the past, how its affected them, they both seem to have relationship issues and life seems a mess for me as well. I just wish I was sort of person, who was stronger, its just too much of a fight, to stop going down this path, where life becomes such an utter waste of time and stop myself from going into this shell. I'm still in contact with my ex husband, because I know he still needs me, in his life because his life is just as miserable as well, we all know about it and its a constant worry, because he won't look after himself.

I've had a lot of issues regarding my physical health, which has stopped me from working. I've had so much pain after having a partial knee operation, which wasn't done correctly, it left me with a slight twist in my leg and an Achilles tendon, which was agony to walk on. I am now left, with a bad hip and back and the other leg and knee, has weakened considerably and I have arthritis on that knee, which is bone on bone.

I've just lost my dog. I had to put her to sleep, which was an agonising decision, because she had nasal tumour. I miss her terribly, she was the only thing that kept me going, now she's gone and life just doesn't seem the same anymore. I can't seem to make friends, it seems to be getting worse as I get older.

I just don't feel I'm any use any more and I really don't feel like that any thing, that I have that any one wants from me any more. I feel such a waste of space. I am not interesting or fun to be around. I haven't got any sparkle to me and I feel like that just the way I am and that won't ever change.

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Postby ree » Mon Apr 17, 2017 10:46 pm

sorry to hear your struggles. The first step is reaching out and wanting to be helped. Feel free to message me

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Postby bunnym » Tue Apr 18, 2017 11:03 am

oh Dotty! Sorry that you are feeling so down. It sounds like a lot of pain has been building for a long time. The physical pain of your knee and the resulting related problems really must be wearing you down. I know that it's hard to cope with just about anything when you are dealing with chronic pain.

I have someone who suffers with Bi-Polar as well....the mental health of one person ripples into effecting everyone else in the family in one way or another. So I know that your ex's mental health has complicated the relationships between all of the other family members.

I feel the urge to share with you the classic "SERENITY PRAYER". It's become so synonymous with AA, but there are some very wise words of wisdom that I think WE CAN ALL relate to and BENEFIT from.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.


I pray that this gives you some hope. WE need to find you some PROFESSIONAL ADVICE on how to manage your sad feelings. Please know that I'm praying for you DOTTY. GOD LOVES YOU!!!

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Postby Helloraspberries1 » Tue Apr 18, 2017 2:01 pm

Hi there, sorry to hear what you been through.

You sound like a caring and loving person. I think that's a quality you can say is good about you. Don't you think? I'm sure there are plenty more too without you realising.

I know that feeling of not feeling wanted. I too think about how people are better off without me. However, I know it would effect my family if I was gone. I'm sure if that happened you wouldn't know how much your daughters would miss you.

I know things are difficult right now with your daughters but they will come round. As you said you have all gone through bad times but that can only make you all stronger. I don't know if you still talk to them or anything but could you find them online or contact them on phone? In terms of other family do you have cousins or aunties to talk to?

It does feel like you need someone there just how I feel and some support. Wether seeing a doctor will help right now I don't know but you can try. I also think medication might be something to consider too. I don't know what you like doing in spare time but have you thought about a hobby or joining a group to make friends?

Please just remember there are people here for you and I can totally relate to how you feel. I'm here if you need to talk.


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Postby Dottydot » Thu Apr 20, 2017 2:32 pm

Thank you all, for your kind words, it means a lot to me, knowing that there are people, that care. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel bad, because I am getting blamed for being in pain and it hurts so much, knowing my own family just don't seem to understand. I've been there for them all, throughout the years, being supportive and caring, was it too much to ask, to get the same back as I got older, it appears that now I'm just a useless waste of space, surplus to requirements. I can't keep being blamed for my health issues, if I could change things, I would. My eldest Daughter has lost her job and still lives at home, but she's angry because life is not going to plan for her, she's had everything. She don't struggle along in life, as I have done. Her boyfriend is really good to her and looks after her, if he wasn't around I certainly wouldn't be getting treated like this, because then she would need me, that is what I miss the most, I suppose, being needed. I worry about her, because she seems to be going down hill and I see similar problems arising, from when her father was living at home. I am now wondering whether she may be getting the on set problems of bi-polar, its just the little things, like she gets really nasty towards me, then when I answer her back, it gets turned on to me, like I'm the one who started it and I'm the one with the problems and I know it isn't, but to turn around and say to her boyfriend its me. Her behaviour, is actually making me feel despaired and lonely, she is making me feel like I want to end my life sometimes. I don't like the way, she speaks to her Dad either, he suffers from Bi-Polar, she gets angry about the way he behaves. I know its difficult, he can act like a child sometimes, but again she blames him, basically for having Bi-Polar. I Really can't see an answer to this problem.

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Joined: Wed May 25, 2016 2:11 pm


Postby Helloraspberries1 » Fri Apr 21, 2017 12:10 pm

Does sound like your being treated a bit unfairly right now and if anything goes wrong it seems to be you that is to blame.

The fact is you have been trying to get along with everyone and do whats best. You have gone and learnt from your mistakes, not trying to get into arguments and do what's best for your family. If they are having a go at you like that then maybe they got more of the problem.

Your daughter will come round. I don't know how old she is but she sounds young so I would give her time and not try and pressure her right now. Let her know your there for her, try and understand her feelings, what she wants and what she needs. I know your already doing those things but going the extra mile is something to try and learn. Did yo two ever use to go out for a meal or go shopping? It's spending more mother and daughter time.

If you are worried about your daughter in anyway and don't know who you can talk to there are mental health charities out there who can provide you with the information and guidance to help you deal with this if you think your daughter may have a mental illness. Might just help with supporting him when you haven't got anyone. Do you and her boyfriend get on? Does he know she's always telling him about you?

Yeah that can be difficult too if your daughter isn't just having a go at you. I think she just needs some time on her own and let her do what she wants. Whilst she's doing that look into those mental health chairites, support with yourself and doing things what make you feel good.

If you feel you are suffering too then paying a visit to your doctor is the best way to prepare yourself when you and your daughter are able to talk to each other properly. What do you think?

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