Lost my way.

[TetrisJ]

I'm not sure if this is a vent post or just looking for a bit of advice.
A couple of years a go I was running my own decorating business, pulling in a decent wage until I was ripped off by a client meaning I had to sell my car (Which I used to get to jobs in) and also lost my house. On the final day of my rent being 2 months overdue and practically starving myself I decided to attempt an overdose (Failed obviously). Upon waking I left just simply rented a car and left with my dog, who to be honest was the only reason I didn't drive straight into a wall. After puking my guts up and falling asleep in the woods I awoke feeling semi normal so decided to head home after countless missed calls and police being on my case.
I was welcomed home by my mother who persuaded my to seek help which I did and was put on medication which helped. Within a month I was back to steady work and building myself back up until I was laid off for no particular reason but I soldiered on found a new job and was on the mend. About 8 months a go I could feel light coldness of anxiety and self doubt creeping back over me as the job I had secured as a powder coater was beginning to drain me to due to an excessive workload and stress from head office. So I decided to leave and find myself a job with a previous employer and at the same time my girlfriend moved in with me after my mum found a boyfriend and decided to move in with him leaving me the house. Still feeling anxious and worried I simply bottled these feelings up (I know I shouldn't) and told no one about how I was feeling.
Fast forward three months of sinking into myself I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I should have been over the moon as she has wanted a child for a while whereas I have a 5 year old daughter from a previous failed relationship but it's not like I was unhappy, I simply panicked about what to do money wise and with how I was feeling. So once again I bottled it up until December last year when I exploded at a supervisor and ended up having to leave that job, leaving myself without work and struggling for rent. I lied to my girlfriend at the time saying there was no work at the moment as I was self employed. She paid her half the rent that month and I made an arrangement to sort the rest out with mother. Christmas day my daughter was supposed to come and stay with me but for some reason she didn't want to which I believe is down to my ex telling her to say she doesn't want to and my daughter could have her presents early if she doesn't. This simply ruined Christmas for me. I just wanted to stay in my bed but couldn't as my girlfriends mother was coming round for dinner that afternoon so once again I sucked it up and got on with it.
A week after Christmas I told my ex I had been laid off and had to look for a new job. She moved out 2 days later saying she doesn't want the stress of me not working and her having to pay for everything and her being pregnant I wasn't thinking about the family apparently. I tried to convince her it wouldn't take long to find work but she was having none of it so she left and went home to her mums.
So since the start of January I have barely been eating, I'd say one meal a day if I'm lucky. I went through the usual depressed motions of not getting out of bed all day, sitting in the dark and just not talking to anyone. I went back to the doctors and got back on my meds (citralopram).
My girlfriend didn't want to know. She has offered no help in the way of just helping me survive. All she done was moan about it all saying how I should get out the house and talk but I just couldn't. One particular point she kept bringing up was about my dog who I'd had for eight years and was my best friend when I was down, he would never do anything to hurt me or simply leave when things got tough but she kept saying he's going to be dangerous around the baby even though my daughter practically sits on his head! My dogs health had been going downhill for a while as Bull Mastiffs don't tend to live much longer past 7 so I told her he won't be here when the babies born he won't even last 3 months but she was having none of it. I told her I wouldn't get rid of him as he was my rock. Then 4 weeks a go today he was put down (Veins had collapsed and had a large tumor). I didn't sleep for 3 days and locked myself indoors. This has broken me. I feel lost in the world now without him there sleeping next to me every night.
My girlfriend was sympathetic at the time even though she hated him and we spoke about things but this was only temporary as she still didn't want to move back in and only bothered to come round once a week. Then a week a go I told her I had packed up the rest of her stuff so she can collect it and that afternoon she came round picked up her stuff and I said so that's it then? To which she replied no I'm just thinking of myself. A point of hers was why would I want to sit with you when all you do is sit in with the curtains drawn. After a heated debate we split. She's having my child and doesn't even want to live with me.
My mum has now had to move back home from her house with her boyfriend to cover the rent here as she can't pay both which is fair enough but I just feel like a f****** failure. Back to where I was two years a go, alone and with nothing, not even my dog to help me get through. I just turned 27 by the way for which I received nothing, mother didn't remember it and my girlfriend ignored it.
Sorry for the lengthy post! I don't even know why but it just feels good to get it all out. Still f***** though. I now have a beautiful 5 year old daughter and another on the way both of which I have practically nothing to do with due to exes being c*****. Dogs dead. No job and sponging off mum. f*** my life.
Cheers!

[TheErickDaniel]

Hey Tetris,

I read that WHOLE post, I like your entrepreneurial experience, it seems you had a bad client (that happens pretty frequently in the entrepreneurial world, I've heard way worse).

I think you didn't have the right people around you to be your support and break down the insanity that was going on at that moment, and I think you had a lot of talent going into your initial business.

You should think about what people naturally come to you for and seek out your audience that is needing your skill-set. With that much entrepreneurial experience, that could be anything such as how to start a business, what clients to avoid, and how to decorate (and so on and so forth)

I think you need a good coach, at least one call to break down what kind of outcome you're looking for now. I'm interested to see what's exactly blocking you, but I have roughly a good idea now, and as far as your children, no problem, thats actually a motivator for you, you gave life.

Text me what kind of outcome you would be looking for as a goal for next year: +1 714-886-6581