Hiding My Pain...
Posted: Tue Jan 10, 2017 1:19 am
Hi.
I'm not really sure where to start. I guess I really joined this site because I needed to be able to express everything I've been holding in have have someone actually hear me and understand. Most of the people in my life don't notice that I'm depressed. I'm fairly certain if they knew, my family wouldn't care. I'm not really sure when it started but over the past year or so my depression and anxiety have gotten a lot worse. Only two people even know about them and neither understand just how bad it is. I don't know how to tell my family and I doubt they would believe me. I'm the unwanted person in my family. My older brother is the "miracle child" and he used to hit me when I was growing up. He actually attempted to choke and drown me a few times. My parents always turned a blind eye. They never really cared for me. I was just the disappointing follow up to the child they wanted.
I say this so you understand why I feel I can't go to them with any of this. I'm only 17 so they would just brush it off as "teenager drama". I promise it's not. Though I'm sure many of you won't believe me. It's okay though. I kind of expect it. I think adults are under the impression the young people just blow all of their emotions out of proportion. Maybe that's true for some but I think most of us just haven't learned how to hide our true feelings yet.
Lately I'm finding it hard to even get out of bed. I keep asking myself "what's the point?" I'm not so sure things will ever get better. I just want someone to know how bad it is. Maybe if someone understood that'll help. I'm hoping that by talking to people with similar situations that I'll realize it's not so bad, maybe I won't feel so alone. After all, that's what we all want, isn't it? To not feel like we're alone in our pain?
I guess I'll see if anyone actually read this. If you did and you don't believe me, that's okay. I'm kind of used to it by now...
I'm not really sure where to start. I guess I really joined this site because I needed to be able to express everything I've been holding in have have someone actually hear me and understand. Most of the people in my life don't notice that I'm depressed. I'm fairly certain if they knew, my family wouldn't care. I'm not really sure when it started but over the past year or so my depression and anxiety have gotten a lot worse. Only two people even know about them and neither understand just how bad it is. I don't know how to tell my family and I doubt they would believe me. I'm the unwanted person in my family. My older brother is the "miracle child" and he used to hit me when I was growing up. He actually attempted to choke and drown me a few times. My parents always turned a blind eye. They never really cared for me. I was just the disappointing follow up to the child they wanted.
I say this so you understand why I feel I can't go to them with any of this. I'm only 17 so they would just brush it off as "teenager drama". I promise it's not. Though I'm sure many of you won't believe me. It's okay though. I kind of expect it. I think adults are under the impression the young people just blow all of their emotions out of proportion. Maybe that's true for some but I think most of us just haven't learned how to hide our true feelings yet.
Lately I'm finding it hard to even get out of bed. I keep asking myself "what's the point?" I'm not so sure things will ever get better. I just want someone to know how bad it is. Maybe if someone understood that'll help. I'm hoping that by talking to people with similar situations that I'll realize it's not so bad, maybe I won't feel so alone. After all, that's what we all want, isn't it? To not feel like we're alone in our pain?
I guess I'll see if anyone actually read this. If you did and you don't believe me, that's okay. I'm kind of used to it by now...