How Much Longer?

[__d]

Glad to hear things are going well.

My story is somewhat similar to yours, chronic depression and loneliness till late thirties. Maybe I will write it on these forums.

I am very happy you are off self-destructive thoughts now. Keep going GlassHeart you seem to be on the right track. I am kind of proud of you!

My best wishes

[GlassHeart]

Thank you, D.
It has been a difficult struggle but I am so glad to finally be back home now. I still wake up weeping over the emptiness left behind since this person is no longer in my life. I blame myself for it, still. I think he was scared away because of my display of emotion in a conversation we had a several months ago. I was hoping I would have been able to rekindle the friendship after moving here, but so many weeks went by when he didn't call, and I wanted closure, which is why I sent him that text. Sometimes I wonder if things would be different had I not sent him that text message? There is a chance I might run into him at some point since we sometimes travel in similar circles. I wish I could talk with him and tell him how I feel. But without crying.
Back in April he said some hurtful things to me which caused me to distance myself from him. That pretty much ruined it for me, so I wanted closure which he would not give. He only gave me the silent treatment. However, I had a tiny spark of hope that things might change.
I met several people since I met him but there was never any connection or special spark that I had with him. I felt something very deep and meaningful, which is precious and rare. I feel a vacancy there but hope that I will continue to gather my strength and move on.
I have more important things to concentrate on, as I am actively searching for a job (right now I am living off savings from my previous work this year).
I managed to see some friends yesterday whom I hadn't seen in a while. I was so glad to be out in my home city with them. I truly feel like I am finally home! And it's a good feeling to have something to live for.

Sometime when you feel like opening up, I will be here to listen. I hope all's well with you today.