I've been completely abandoned

[porcupine]

My parents died and now my brother has moved out. I'm so alone. I can't trust anyone. I'm terrified. He's moved in with his girlfriend. I hate them for this. They are so selfish. I'm worried about bills. I can't afford to pay for things on my own.

I'm also worried about my pets. If I die, what's going to happen to them? Nobody will find my dead body for ages and the animals will starve. I hate this horrible feeling of fear and abandonment. I want to die, but I'm scared of dying. I'm also scared of living. The pain is overwhelming.

Why are people so cruel and selfish? I can't rely on anyone. I desperately want this torment to stop, but it won't. I wish I had never been born. I suffer so much.

[JonsDragonEyes]

I'm glad you were born. And I'm glad you found this place. At least we are here together. Right ??


love and hugs , always

[porcupine]

Thanks for your reply. Nice bear picture, by the way.

[darkness6172]

you are not alone. There are people who are cruel but there are others who aren't. I do love animals too. What can I say to ease your pain? I've been in pain for more tan 40 years, but no more. So, here I am if you want to talk to me. I also give you my personal email in case you prefer that: [email protected]

[porcupine]

Thank you darkness, but there's nothing can be done. Hopefully, I will outlive the animals, so I can look after them. Most of the people around where I live are selfish and can't be trusted.

It turned out my brother hadn't moved out, but it looks like it's going that way. I don't know what's happening, as he doesn't keep me informed. He hasn't been home all night, and still hasn't been home all day. He says one thing then does another.

All he talks about is this woman. He's besotted. There's no point saying anything or I will look like a bitter witch, trying to spoil his life. I'm not, but he doesn't think how his actions affect others. I'm left in the lurch with the animals dependant on me. He can't be relied on. All he's bothered about is himself and his cliquey friends. There are other people in the world.

[porcupine]

I've decided I don't care any more. If he wants to abandon the animals and me, so be it. We will either sink or swim. I will try my best. That's all I can do. I'm not going to depend on anyone ever again. He knows how difficult things are and he doesn't give a shit. There's nothing more selfish than people in love. We've been sold down the river. Whatever happens, happens. I write him (my brother) off. We don't need him and even if we did, he's pissed off. He does exactly as he wants and thinks stuff everyone else.

[JonsDragonEyes]

I believe in you ! Me and you are tough. We can do anything

[porcupine]

I've started to realise that, in a way, my brother wants me and the animals dead. He has made comments to that effect before. He thinks we're a burden.

He's been a burden to me, with his various dramas and going on about his cliquey friends. He wants an argument, so he can try to justify his behaviour. I won't give him the satisfaction.

I don't want him to come back now. It's horrific what he's done. I could be rotting and dead in the house and the animals starving. I said about this, and still he has done it. All I asked is for a phone message and for him to make sure I notified him I wasn't dead. It gives me the creeps and I don't want him to come back now. I think he will though, as he still has some of his belongings here.

How can I be around someone who has done this? I worry I may lose my animals, because I don't know how I'm going to pay household bills etc. I need to leave this planet and hopefully the animals will be ok. This isn't a suicide post though. I just hate living.

[JonsDragonEyes]

Gosh I can't imagine how devastating that would be to hear your brother say something like that.

I really meant what I said in my other post. To me you really are amazing. I wish you all the happiness you deserve soon.

It's never easy when we are let down by someone we care so much about. But they day when we realize how much better off we are without them is the key.

I hope he realizes how he treats you and changes soon. But if he doesn't I wish you all the strength and love you need to put him so far behind you that he can't ever hurt you again.

love and hugs always

[porcupine]

I don't care about him, as he certainly doesn't care about the animals and me. He's got a nasty side and I think he wants me to argue with him and for me to be abusive, so it justifies his selfishness. I'm not going to give him the satisfaction. I will try to distance myself from him as much as possible now. He is toxic. Underneath, he's just like the horrible people he criticises.

[JonsDragonEyes]

yeah. It sure is tough but sometimes distancing yourself is for the best.

HUGE HUGS !!!

[porcupine]

I can't stand the thought of them being happy, when they (my brother and his girlfriend) are such cruel and selfish people. I'm very bitter about it and I hope it doesn't work out for them.

I wouldn't have objected to their happiness, if they had shown me some consideration. She always has priority. If he has problems in his life and expects me to help him out , I will tell him to piss off. I'm not being his sounding board any more, to listen to his endless problems.

I'm trying to distract myself from this horrific life. The cruelty I've had inflicted on me by various bastards in my life has been staggering and then to see them happy and smiling is like a kick in the stomach. Karma, where are you?

I don't want to be one-up on anyone, I just want things to be fair. I feel like my skin is made of tissue paper and everything that people around me do seems to make me feel tortured. My brother brags all the time about how people like him and that he's so popular.

He resents it if anyone likes me, and he slags me off to them. He likes to look like Mr Popular at my expense, leaving me as an outcast. I can see in people's eyes, that he's been back-stabbing me and they're so small-minded, they can't judge for themselves and judge me on what someone with ulterior motives has said about me.

The isolation is unreal. I turn to others and they often shit on me. I need to stop craving their acceptance, as they're unacceptable to me. I would rather be lonely than be aroun people who wouldn't give a shit if I dropped down dead.

[JonsDragonEyes]

Sometimes it's tough not knowing how to answer on here. All I know what to say is if I could I would make everything okay again with you and your brother.

It's a damn shame everything had to turn out the way it did with you both.

I'm gonna hope with all my heart things are better for you both. Your in my thoughts ... until then I guess sometimes distance is the best choice.

[porcupine]

Thank you, JonsDragonEyes for your reply. It's been nearly a week now and I've heard nothing. I'm a nervous wreck. I had to go to town today. I almost broke down in the supermarket, but somehow managed to hold it together.

When I came home, I was hysterical. The sadness was unreal. Someone I used to go out with died some time ago. I had been with him for years. I loved him. It wasn't perfect, but I miss him. We kept in touch. He became ill and when he was ill he would completely shut me out and not tell me anything. I would try to contact him but he wouldn't answer. I haven't heard from him in months, which isn't like him. I know he was looked after though as he had nurses come round etc. I can't bear looking up the obituaries to find out for sure, it would be too devastating.

Today, it hit me hard. I had being burying my head in the sand. I was crying my eyes out and imagined being at his grave, pleading with him to take me with him. Don't leave me in this world. Why am I constantly left behind?

[porcupine]

It's been a week now, still nothing. I'm better off not having him in my life. He thinks the animals and me are a burden. But he's been a burden to me with his endless dramas and problems. He's used me as a sounding board. I 've put up with him ranting and raving about his cliquey friends. Now he's left me to rot. I'm dreading him coming back now. I dread to think what he's going to do about the household bills. I don't care if he cancels payments. If I have nothing, I have nothing to lose. It's liberating and I will never rely on anyone again.