im dying and no one cares

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JonsDragonEyes
Posts: 460
Joined: Sat Jul 12, 2014 1:49 am

Re: im dying and no one cares

Postby JonsDragonEyes » Thu Jan 10, 2019 5:12 pm

Thank you Tom. I really appreciate that.

Things are more difficult than ever here. My niece expects me and my mother to take on the responsibility of handling her son but we can't do that. To be honest he scares me. I don't know what to do anymore. When he is here I go to my bedroom and lock the door because it's the only way I can feel safe. I also take the phone with me in case I need to call someone in an emergency if he goes crazy again.


I feel lost and don't have anywhere in the whole world to turn to at the moment. My biggest fear is he will go crazy again and hurt me or my mom.
"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! -- Rocky Balboa

User avatar
JonsDragonEyes
Posts: 460
Joined: Sat Jul 12, 2014 1:49 am

Re: im dying and no one cares

Postby JonsDragonEyes » Tue May 07, 2019 1:24 am

Tonight I took one of my many rescue cats outside with me to see the stars. Her name is Chrissie. I know that she most likely couldn't really see them. I don't know if animals can see the stars like people do. But for just one moment I wanted to pretend that she could sit there and watch them with me.

I would love to be able to say that things have gotten better but they haven't …. only worse. Much worse. And right now I'm so tired that I'm becoming numb inside. Dying seems to be the only way out for me.

My nephew got in trouble with the law a couple of days ago and he needed bail money. My niece of course would not pay the bail money to get her son out so who do you think paid the bail. My mother of course. My mother who is already overloaded with stress from my father recently dying and having a stroke herself amongst the many other stresses my niece and nephew have put on her all of this time.


My 76 year old mother has to deal with all of the drama concerning my niece and her son like always.


On the night my mother went to do my nieces job of getting her son out of jail my mother was upset beyond what words could ever describe was crying and extremely exhausted. It was late after dark and raining when my mom took out of our driveway to go to town to pay the bail and in her hurry and because she was upset she accidently ran over and killed one of my outside rescue cats. It's name was Honey.

We never found her body until the next day. She must have stumbled off and went and died behind my fathers old greenhouse.


I do not blame my mother. It was an accident … but it was an accident that never should have freaking happened if my niece had done her job of handling something that involved her own son.


My mother is also 76 years old and is still to this day recovering from a stroke. She should never even been out on the road late at night. ( it was around ten o clock )


And if you want to know the sickest part of this whole thing …. the day that I buried my rescue cat in the ground.... the exact same damn freaking day my niece went off and bought herself an expensive puppy.


She had no money to bail out her own son but she had money to buy herself an expensive puppy barely 24 hours after.


My mind will not let me stop thinking about Honey. Was her death quick ? Did she suffer ? Did she lay there all night long ? Did she wonder where I was and why she was hurting so bad. I can't stand this.


There is so much more than I want to say but tonight I;m just too damn tired.
"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! -- Rocky Balboa


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