Taken a while to put this all into words, so please bare with me...
Well I was 14 when it all started when a friend of mine committed suicide and I never ever felt the same afterwards. Then when I was 15 I became pregnant for the very first time, but aborted the baby as I was too young and found out my "so called boyfriend" cheated on me with my "so called bestfriend". I was heartbroken, hurting and angry and many more emotions.
When I was 16 well that was horrible- finding out I was pregnant again and sadly miscarried in march this year. Then last November a close family friend passed away all of a sudden(wasn't expected at all) was a massive shock and that knocked me back a lot!!
Then February this year my cousin tragicly got ran over and sadly passed away two weeks in hospital.... Made me feel depressed, suicidal and gutily... I blame myself for her death more and more.
Then came my 17th birthday.... The worst of all.... 2 months after I turned 17 my best friend told me so felt suicidal and wanted to end her life and had plans, I made a promise to her I wouldn't tell a soul and now I really regret making that promise!! As BOOM!! I went round to see her and I found her lying on the bathroom floor dead. I tried to bring her back- but it was already too late she was already gone.
Never been the same since all these events!
Keep on getting more and more depressed and suicidal. Blame myself and everything.
Thank you for reading.
My life, my story
Moderators: windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
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CrazyLady17
Forgot to mention;
My parents kicking me out for getting pregnant again, and I am now 8 weeks pregnant(but only found out last week)... Could miscarry again if I am not careful.
Dropped out of college because of how bad my depression is and now doing some volunteering work at the women's homeless shelter- but that isn't going too well and thinking about quitting.
That's my rubbish life.
My parents kicking me out for getting pregnant again, and I am now 8 weeks pregnant(but only found out last week)... Could miscarry again if I am not careful.
Dropped out of college because of how bad my depression is and now doing some volunteering work at the women's homeless shelter- but that isn't going too well and thinking about quitting.
That's my rubbish life.
You deserve all the hugs in the world Lady; in the Universe. You never will be the same. You have had more grief in three short years than many have in a lifetime. Lack of support from your family is almost unthinkable. That is, however, why urge you to continue at the shelter. You need in person support and you can get some of that while helping others.
You need to be with people. You don't have tell all, or all at once. But being with people will help you feel human. I hope sharing what you have tonight llightened your burden a little.
You need to be with people. You don't have tell all, or all at once. But being with people will help you feel human. I hope sharing what you have tonight llightened your burden a little.
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CrazyLady17
Aww that made me smile Frame; and thank you for you're hugs and support Frame. Means a lot to, it really really does honestly.
Gosh I know right? I seriously don't know how much heartache and tragic things can happen in like such short space of time seriously though? It's crazy stuff infact!
My teenhood hasn't been the best I must admit- and I just hope my adulthood will be a little better than this- or I think I will just explode not going to lie.
Exactly! My parents lack of support is just shocking; as I thought they would always be there for me... Obviously not! I thought parents are suppose to protect their children? Not kick them out and pretend they aren't around anymore. Maybe if I had my parents support I wouldn't be so hard on myself and I wouldn't be so depressed, but because I have the lack of support and doing most of this alone I am suffering even more I guess...
Hmm I suppose you are right there Frame; I do agree with you yes. But to help others I need to be able to help myself first and be able to be stable. Which to me I am not stable at the moment and I can't help myself. So what's the use of helping others?
I will keep on trying, but there's only so much more I coma take before I explode.
Thank you again.
Gosh I know right? I seriously don't know how much heartache and tragic things can happen in like such short space of time seriously though? It's crazy stuff infact!
My teenhood hasn't been the best I must admit- and I just hope my adulthood will be a little better than this- or I think I will just explode not going to lie.
Exactly! My parents lack of support is just shocking; as I thought they would always be there for me... Obviously not! I thought parents are suppose to protect their children? Not kick them out and pretend they aren't around anymore. Maybe if I had my parents support I wouldn't be so hard on myself and I wouldn't be so depressed, but because I have the lack of support and doing most of this alone I am suffering even more I guess...
Hmm I suppose you are right there Frame; I do agree with you yes. But to help others I need to be able to help myself first and be able to be stable. Which to me I am not stable at the moment and I can't help myself. So what's the use of helping others?
I will keep on trying, but there's only so much more I coma take before I explode.
Thank you again.
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CrazyLady17
Thank you Frame; I guess you are totally right.
But with everything that's gone off in the last few years- I have learnt that people come and go out of my life like a roller-coaster and that life is full of heartbreaking and tragic things. At 17 I feel like my whole world had fallen apart. I am sure that's not normal?
I just feel like my life is nothing worth to live for now.
But with everything that's gone off in the last few years- I have learnt that people come and go out of my life like a roller-coaster and that life is full of heartbreaking and tragic things. At 17 I feel like my whole world had fallen apart. I am sure that's not normal?
I just feel like my life is nothing worth to live for now.
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CrazyLady17
Today's been pretty rubbish- I am sure my life seems to be getting more and more worse and worse.
My family are all turning againist me, my friends are now nearly all turned againist me and I feel like the world is turning againist me and I have nobody to lean on. I feel completely alone, is this my punishment? Is this why I get for my best friends death? Really? I am seriously the one being punished here? Why is god punishing me? What have I done to deserve all this?
My family are all turning againist me, my friends are now nearly all turned againist me and I feel like the world is turning againist me and I have nobody to lean on. I feel completely alone, is this my punishment? Is this why I get for my best friends death? Really? I am seriously the one being punished here? Why is god punishing me? What have I done to deserve all this?
CrazyLady I have read many of your posts. I know you don't take criticism well but I don't think sending you a hug is going to change anything.
The thing with you is that you have admitted defeat. You say that your family, friends and everyone has given up on you but the truth is you have given up on yourself. That is the most important part if you want to turn your life around. Occasionally you have this flame in you but you are the one blowing it out yourself. You need to QUIT blaming others, QUIT harming yourself, QUIT thinking about the past, QUIT digging yourself deeper into that hole!
You spend so much time focusing on the sad things that has happened in the past and you need to get out of there, it's not doing you any good. Yes some horrible things have happened in the past, cry, face it, accept it then move forward. You can't change those things, stop blaming yourself and leave the past behind. It makes me sad reading about it, let alone you who has had to experience all that.
I'm not trying to be hard on you but I really want you to move on. I don't want to read anything about your past, any negative thoughts or sad feelings. What I want to read is what your have done everyday to help yourself move forward. The positive things like when you took up volunteering at the homeless shelter, I smiled when I saw that and I am so proud of you for taking that first step.
We will all feel blue once in a while, it can't be all smiles everyday. When you are feeling down find a way to make yourself feel better. Take a walk? Sing? Write? I sometimes read, I sometimes listen to music and sometimes I look outside the window, up at the clouds, watch the sunset and appreciate how beautiful this world is.
You are 17, you have a long road ahead of you and plenty of time to live the life that you want. Don't ever think that its too late to make a change. You have been through so much, you are a strong girl and you will only grow stronger. You spend a lot of time thinking, if you really have to then think about what your can do for you and your baby, that is something that you CAN control.
I know it is going to take some time but when you fall we will be here to help you back up
You just need to help us help you x
The thing with you is that you have admitted defeat. You say that your family, friends and everyone has given up on you but the truth is you have given up on yourself. That is the most important part if you want to turn your life around. Occasionally you have this flame in you but you are the one blowing it out yourself. You need to QUIT blaming others, QUIT harming yourself, QUIT thinking about the past, QUIT digging yourself deeper into that hole!
You spend so much time focusing on the sad things that has happened in the past and you need to get out of there, it's not doing you any good. Yes some horrible things have happened in the past, cry, face it, accept it then move forward. You can't change those things, stop blaming yourself and leave the past behind. It makes me sad reading about it, let alone you who has had to experience all that.
I'm not trying to be hard on you but I really want you to move on. I don't want to read anything about your past, any negative thoughts or sad feelings. What I want to read is what your have done everyday to help yourself move forward. The positive things like when you took up volunteering at the homeless shelter, I smiled when I saw that and I am so proud of you for taking that first step.
We will all feel blue once in a while, it can't be all smiles everyday. When you are feeling down find a way to make yourself feel better. Take a walk? Sing? Write? I sometimes read, I sometimes listen to music and sometimes I look outside the window, up at the clouds, watch the sunset and appreciate how beautiful this world is.
You are 17, you have a long road ahead of you and plenty of time to live the life that you want. Don't ever think that its too late to make a change. You have been through so much, you are a strong girl and you will only grow stronger. You spend a lot of time thinking, if you really have to then think about what your can do for you and your baby, that is something that you CAN control.
I know it is going to take some time but when you fall we will be here to help you back up
You just need to help us help you x-
CrazyLady17
Nope it's fine honestly! I think being a little harsh is certainly what I need right now.
Thank you! Aww it made me smile and giggle reading you're post(don't know why but hey)!!
Yes I totally understand what you are saying and will try more harder on the positives, however this is kind of hard when all the depression feelings and thoughts take over my body and things...
But like I said I will try harder to help myself and will try and try and try... But it is harder than you think.... Especially when half of the time I don't want to be here anymore
anyway....
Homeless shelter puts a smile on my face for sure!
Thank you again!
I will keep on trying for a while longer x
Thank you! Aww it made me smile and giggle reading you're post(don't know why but hey)!!
Yes I totally understand what you are saying and will try more harder on the positives, however this is kind of hard when all the depression feelings and thoughts take over my body and things...
But like I said I will try harder to help myself and will try and try and try... But it is harder than you think.... Especially when half of the time I don't want to be here anymore
anyway....
Homeless shelter puts a smile on my face for sure!
Thank you again!
I will keep on trying for a while longer x
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CrazyLady17
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metal bear
- Posts: 48
- Joined: Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:15 am
- Location: Ayrshire, Scotland
Just read your posts CrazyLady17, wish I could give you some advise or something but I really don't what I could write that would be helpful, going by your posts on here you seem to be a really nice young lady so hopefully the worst of your life is all behind you now and things only get better for yourself.
As I said you seem a good person so try and remember that and you really are a strong person
As I said you seem a good person so try and remember that and you really are a strong person
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