Lonely

[Chan]

Ive had depression before, but not like how i have it now.

Ive recently got a new job a year ago & it requires me to work almost every weekend. I used to be a very social person but now that i have this job i cant do that. Ive grown apart from my friends & i don't think they they think im making an effort to be with them. I am making an effort but they go out & leave me to go to places i dont want to go. They never message me or call me & sad to say im only happy when im at work. As bad to the point where i want to kill myself, ive had people in my family do that & i dont think i would bet to that point but not sure what to do to help myself. Last time i had this i tried to tell my friends but they through it back in my face & said that i wasnt making an effort, guess there not really friends.

How can i help myself?

[djr]

You are not alone I only found this site today, I to feel isolated and I suffer panic attacks and depresion here's to friendship, and lets hope a brighter future.

[mnk224]

Sounds to me like you don't need these people in your life.. Real friends would try to understand that you don't have as much free time due to your job. They may be upset about it, but if they just abandon you over it, they weren't your real friends to begin with. I know how you feel. I haven't had a friend in over 10 years..

[Chan]

Sad to think that once a upon a time these people used to be my whole world. Feel like im bringing my boyfriend down with me, hes trying his best to help me but its hard to think positively. The sad thing is these friends? Ive known one all my life & the other two ive known since i was eleven, itwqs just us 4 in a group, now its me & them 3. Cant believe ive lost people close to me. Never felt so alone, nice to known i aint the only one but wish we could help each other.

[dougsan]

mnk224, you have friends just for the asking, your fellow posters in this forum.

I had to say the above. But your comment concerning friends hit a bell with me. I have NO reality friends and haven't had any since I got sober, 11 + years ago. Today, thanks to a couple of forums, I have a few cyber friends and they are all I need at the moment. The biggest curse with depression, IMO, is that people who don't suffer with it can't begin to understand it. I have been clinically depressed since I was 14 yo (first suicide attempt). In the 59 years since, not even a member of my family (three brothers) has any idea what depression does to me. Common comments are, why are you wasting your time with a shrink, Stop acting like a jerk, Come on with us. There's no reason to stay behind (ignoring that I can't ride in a car for more than 30 minutes without getting panic attacks), etc.

A goodly part of my energy goes to keeping me from giving in to the blacker parts of my depression (where I "need" to do harm to myself and others). When my energy gets too low and I begin to loose the battle I take seraquil (sp) which puts me in a perfect state of not caring about anything for about 24 hours. A tough way to fight but as a last resort I am happy with it.

[Chan]

Cyber friends is kl but you when you've been through so much with 3 people your disappointed at lack of suppport. I cant see a way out of this one & im disappointed in myself,as for me to have a family & live my life with my boyfriend i need to get better. But saying that this is the worse ive ever been. Im so worried i wont get out of this sickness

dougsan: just want to say congrats on being sober, coming from a family that has a large abuse problem with either drugs or booze (mostly booze in our family) ive seen how hard it is to try & get through it. Its not easy but there are people like you who do fight & get to see another day

[mistystarshine]

I'm sorry about your friends, but if they treat you like that after you told them about yourself, then they weren't real friends. Real friends would listen and help.

Could you try talking to your family members? Or maybe a therapist? Maybe you could work more, considering the part where you said that you're happy at work. You could make new friends that care about you and listen to your story instead of walking away.

I hope this helps, and have a nice day.

[Chan]

Im not one to open up so its hard to talk to family members. Im speaking a lot to my boyfriend, hes trying his hardest to help...bless him one of the, knows im down but ive told her i need time before i can talk to her. Its hard to say to someone your leaving me out, kinda feel like i sounds like a spoiled child.

I think i do need professional help, but i'd rather talk online, im not as confident in person

[irene65]

I know how it is to be lonely I feel like i run a my frindes off I just jonend I hope this helps me .

[Chan]

No i know for a fact i run them of, but not on purpose. I do it witout realising