A freind in need of help

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Mawrth
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 11:20 am

A freind in need of help

Postby Mawrth » Thu May 01, 2008 11:26 am

Heya everyone!

I'm in here because I really would like to help out a very good freind of mine. She's the most amazing person I've ever met, so loving and caring - but she suffers really badly from depression. She does her best to keep this from all of her friends, and likes to suffer on her own.

I was wondering, what advice would you folks give someone who is willing to help someone out no-matter what? I try and get her to come out the house as often as I could, but she feels really Agoraphobic most of the time.

Thanks!

waiting4?
Posts: 16
Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2008 11:27 am
Location: Florida

Postby waiting4? » Thu May 01, 2008 3:26 pm

You're very kind. If getting her out makes her uncomfortable, maybe you could offer to go to her for a game night, or a girly movie night. I know when I'm very low I don't like to go out - having a friend come to me really helps. I'm sure your friend will recognize what a great friend you are!
Best wishes!

Emotional_77
Posts: 850
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2008 12:21 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

Postby Emotional_77 » Thu May 01, 2008 4:37 pm

I agree with waiting4? Let her get comfortable around you first. Go to her house for outings and do things there for a while. Make her feel your not pressuring her into anything and that you are there for her. You can talk about going out for maybe a walk.. do small things to ease her into it but dont force it on her or else she'll just think you dont like the way she is. Eventually she will start doing things more knowing you are there for. You are very sweet, I wish I had friends like you. :)
"You get the best out of others when you give the best of yourself."-Harry Firestone

Mawrth
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 11:20 am

Postby Mawrth » Mon May 05, 2008 11:37 am

Heya.

I met her in Feb, and we started 'seeing each other' and everything was fantastic! But about a month or so into it, she told me everything - so we agreed that it would be best for her if we kept things very casual right now, and be friends - as she could not see herself being able to handle a relationship in the current state that she's in - which is understandable, so I've made it clear to her that I'll always be there for her no matter what.

But - getting her do actually do something is something else! I really feel like I'm just fighting a loosing battle, and it's really really getting me down, and she keeps insisting that 'theres nothing I (me) can do' - surely that's not right is it?

waiting4?
Posts: 16
Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2008 11:27 am
Location: Florida

You can lead a horse to water...

Postby waiting4? » Mon May 05, 2008 12:13 pm

Keep being the great friend that you are - but, and this is important (!), remember to take care of yourself in the process.
I have an ex-husband-to-be who has a serious substance abuse problem. I have tried unsuccessfully (and cried alot) to get him to get some professional help, help from friend/family, or whatever it will take. Between bouts of denial and "I'm just a perpetual screw-up," he has let me know that he's just not ready to do what it's going to take to help himself. After being with him for 10 years, and knowing about the substance abuse for 3, I've finally realized that no matter how much I love him, until he loves himself, the best I can do is not spiral with him. Obviously I'm a little late on keeping my own head above water, but I'm working on floating right now - we'll try swimming later.
Friends are really important - maybe your friend would appreciate a comedy and some popcorn!
Take care!
-M

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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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Postby Warmsoul/Jeanie13 » Sun Jun 08, 2008 12:17 pm

((((((((((((((((((( Mawrth ))))))))))))))))))

What a wonderful friend you are. Continue being there for your friend, understand even the not-understandable. Let them know they aren't alone in how they feel and perhaps suggest they come here or the chat room to get support from those that deal with the same situation.

Warmie 8)
“If we admit our depression openly and freely, those around us get from it an experience of freedom rather than the depression itself.”
--- Dr. Rollo May
Sunshine, smiles and love.

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http://www.depression-understood.org/

Mawrth
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 11:20 am

Postby Mawrth » Fri Jun 13, 2008 9:24 am

Hey everyone.

2 Weeks ago she checked herself into a Mental Illness ward at the hospital, she's still in there. I try my best to go see her everyday - but it's just feels like things are getting worse for her.

I think I know why she's in this state now, and I do believe its over her ex boyfriend who she's still in love with, but he doesn't want to give the relationship another chance (it ended nearly 2 years ago now) - and of late, he's started to see another girl, which has really crushed her.

Have you folks got any advice that I can give her about this? It's really hard for me, as seeing her like this is really taking it's toll on me, and I see myself drink more and more to try and escape all of this - but I'm gonna try and stay positive and be there for her as much as I can.

Thanks.

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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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Postby Warmsoul/Jeanie13 » Fri Jun 13, 2008 5:17 pm

(((((((((((((((((((( Mawrth )))))))))))))))))))))))

She is where she can get the professional help she needs. From the sounds of it you have done all you can/could. You are there for her as a friend, that is a gift in itself.

My concern is 'are you taking care of you?' Don't let yourself be pulled down, a friend can only do so much. Please take care of you, okay?

Hope to talk soon, will keep you both in my thouhts.

Warmie/Jeanie 8)
“If we admit our depression openly and freely, those around us get from it an experience of freedom rather than the depression itself.”

--- Dr. Rollo May

Sunshine, smiles and love.



Depression Forums | Depression Chat Rooms | Depression Blogs



http://www.depression-understood.org/

Emotional_77
Posts: 850
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2008 12:21 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

Postby Emotional_77 » Sun Jun 15, 2008 11:10 am

Yes, first things first, make sure you take care of yourself. You have done so much for this girl but are you doing anything for yourself? Make sure you help yourself or else you might become depressed too. Its common to get depressed if you are trying all you can to help a friend who is depressed. Make sure you are capable of taking care of her before you do so. You can still be there for her and visit her often but you need to know how much you can handle. Take care of yourself and hope youi are doing well.
"You get the best out of others when you give the best of yourself."-Harry Firestone

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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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Postby Warmsoul/Jeanie13 » Sat Jul 12, 2008 10:38 am

(((((((((((((((((( Mawrth )))))))))))))))))))))

How are things going for YOU and your friend. Hadn't heard back, just concerned.

Take care please.

Warmie 8)
“If we admit our depression openly and freely, those around us get from it an experience of freedom rather than the depression itself.”

--- Dr. Rollo May

Sunshine, smiles and love.



Depression Forums | Depression Chat Rooms | Depression Blogs



http://www.depression-understood.org/


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