My life, my story

[CrazyLady17]

Things have gone from bad to worse, to okay and now back to worse again. My life is one complete utter mess.

[metal bear]

No, nothing to do with your age, I can remember being your age and while not on the scale that you are going through my life was a mess back then. It may take a while but I am sure you can turn everything around, it may take a while but it definitely can happen. believe me you are a strong person to still be standing and in the future when you hopefully be able to look back and remember what you have been through and be proud that you have beat all the negatives in your present life and use your past to be a strong person which will help you succeed as you will know that whatever you go through you will be able to beat it.

You are anything but weak.

[CrazyLady17]

Aww thank you
Means a lot to me it really does. I know what you are saying and I know it'll take some time to get better and for things to look a little brighter, but at the moment I see no future what so ever for me. Is that normal? Probably not no. But most of the time I wonder what it'll be like to be dead.... Just joe my life is at the moment I suppose.

Thank you.
I am anything but strong though.

[metal bear]

Is there any such thing as normal? This now you just need to hold on to every little thing that you see as a positive this now and whatever you want to achieve, setyourself wee goals to achieve, small ones to start with and when you achieve it reward yourself, it may help you but you may not see it this now but from the outside you are a strong person and in years to come you will be able to look back and see that.

[CrazyLady17]

Don't think so, no? What is normal? Normal is so boring aye? That's what I think of it anyway...
Okay I will do, I do have an achievement of volunteering myself at a women's homeless shelter and I am going to try and stick to that goal and hopefully change someone's life.

[CrazyLady17]

Basically my life is pretty messed up and will probably stay messed up till I'm dead... Or till I at least recover and beat this depression...
Sucks to be in my shoes

[xken728]

Im not going to say much to help you ,ive read a lot of your posts and so much has been said by others already ,
all i can add is that you have many freinds here who are doing their upmost to support you as much as they can ,many here are suffering the same as you or have done so in the past ,We all go through bad times and if were lucky we fight our way through it .
Crazy lady your helping with the volenteering is a good thing and although it will be hard for you dealing with this sometimes,.
you must move forward and show the depression within you ,that you can do as you like and dont let it stop you .Look behind and see how far you have come
Depression will make you blind to all that is good in your life ,sometimes you must close your eyes and look with your mind ,you will hurt at times that is for sure but deep within yourself you have the strength to go on ,You just need to find it .
You have so many very good freinds here ,they know who they are and im sure you do to .
Now go forward ,and i hope you find what you are looking for !
Best wishes xn728 .I will remain silent now...........

[CrazyLady17]

Thank you. Yes I totally understand and get what you are saying here and thank you for that. Yes I know depression makes us blind and it certainly has made me blind indeed, and that kinda sucks to be fair.
Yes volunteering is a good thing and I am also going to volunteer as a Samaritan next year when the new year starts, done my training and everything
It's easier said than done though to be fair.... I am moving forward, but it's baby steps for me and I am sorry if that isn't good enough. But that's how I am taking it, taking it one day and one step at a time, even if it means baby steps. I am trying my hardest and working my but off here!!

Will try a little harder though.

Thank you.

[CrazyLady17]

My life will most probably always be a total mess, oh no! That means I'll always be a total mess too? This isn't what I dreamt my life to be like as I was growing up at all. This is the complete opposite of what i dreamt of, it's like a nightmare I am waiting to be woken up from.

[CrazyLady17]

This is just half of my story told... There's a lot more to the story from years back and from this year to.. But it's just too painful to write down and I have a fear all the flashbacks and horrible memories will come rushing back and hit me like a hard brick and make me fall hard to the ground!

[CrazyLady17]

I could actually turn "my story" into a book... Hmm...
Who would read it though?

My life still goes on and on....
More and more bad things keep on happening to me..
This is only half of my story told.

[jimmy29121987]

hi crazylady17, I've just signed up and read what you said and I'd like to tell you never to give up as I was severely depressed but I've gotten through it and now I'm nearly 100% better apart from coming off my medication as you have to gradually stop it as you can't all together at once.
Regarding your situation maybe you should go on to YouTube and search Anna Clendening and Jessie Michaels especially the "you are not alone" video as Anna suffered from depression and has gotten better and has even been on Americas got talent and even has a boyfriend now and is so happy. Jessie says in this video that she used to get bullied and people would often make rude comments about her singing but she has proven them wrong and has even done some recordings. Maybe you should contact Jessie as she says that if people ever want to talk to her then she would love to help. My name is James (jimmy29121987) and I hope this helps you and feel free to send me an e-mail as I don't know how often i'll be on here but I always read my e-mails. Take care and please don't give up hope.

[jimmy29121987]

hi, it's james again. I've just read all your posts and for some reason can't find the post I replied to. Either that or I'm so tired that I dreamt that I read things about you replied to it. All I will say is that if you ever want to talk to me about anything then I'm willing to listen and have a lot of spare time at the moment. I'm confident that I can make you feel better about yourself and even make you smile. I attempted suicide a couple of times in the past but it didn't work and I'm so glad as I'm better now. I just feel like you need someone to look after you by being there for you when you need to talk. I'm not going to lie and tell you I know exactly what you're going through but i do know parts of it as I too was cheated on by my girlfriend that i cared about so much and even worse was the fact that it was a day before my important exams which i ended up failing and it ruined my life completely. i have also had my parents want to kick me out of the house and i ended attempting suicide again and ended up in Meadowbrook which is a psychiatric ward where you can't leave until doctors say so. I live in Manchester in England and i'm 27 now but have my whole life ahead of me. You're only 17 so you've got plenty of time. If you do e-mail me, i promise that i'll always be there for you as a friend and i'll never leave you and will do everything in my power to help you.

[CrazyKiss]

No dont blame urself!! Thats not fait on u. You are a good person and a good friend. You deserve good people around u who will support u and get through this with u. None of this is ur fault.

Im really sorry u have had a hard time. You didnt bring any of this on urself as u always tried to do the right thing. Thats life unfourtanly but all u can do be there for someone in their time of need.

I know u will meet someone who appreciates u and wont cheat on u. You never deserve d this and I hope ur old friend of urs feels ashamed and guilty cuz shes lost ur trust now. Friends have to stick togethet and a boy should never change that. I dont why she did as she knows he was ur bf. Thats just wrong! You deserve a better friend and no good friend would do that.

You need to put urself first and be around those what care about u. I know one day u will be happy with someone and have a baby u always wanted. Nothing can stop u. You deserve to be happy.

Im here if u wanna talk x