Finding a place to vent

[DaybyDay]

Hi All,
As I started to write my introduction in the other site, I realized I was typing my story instead.

I have gone through different phases of depression from JHS to College to post-graduation. I always believe and followed in the statement "That which does not kill you can only make you stronger." However, this time I've been having more and more suicidal thoughts which is becoming a bit overwhelming.

When I was younger, I coped with depression by diverting it to pain and great friends. In college, it was with drinking and spending time with friends. Now post college, having grown a bit smarter (no more self inflicted pain or crazy drinking) I'm trying to find another way to cope. My last incident, I was able to use the help of a theripst to help me. But this time due to my work schedule it is no longer possible.

Technically speaking I shouldnt be complaining. I have a decent paying career, and in this economy I should be happy to even get paychecks. But I feel I have given all I give and now all I see is failures for the next few years only to settle back at where I would have been if I just forgot about my dreams.

Usually when I know where my depression lies, I can figure a way to cure it. But this time for some reason I cant seem to let go and move on. I may have been years of overall depression thats getting to me, or mainly because I dont see a future anymore. I have secretly been wanting to just disappear from this world but at the same time I know that it is not the answer. Every time I try to set a goal that I can look forward to, I always end up giving up because it doesnt make an impact. Overall, I think im just burnt out by work and my ambition while realizing that even if i meet these goals, I dont see a future to strive for.

[dandelion]

((((((((((((((( DaybyDay )))))))))))))))))))

hello DaybyDay,
We sometimes dont know why we are feeling the way we are feeling now. We might have great job and great life, but we still feel depressed and we wondering why we are feeling like this and beating ourselves up. As we grow, we learn to cope and manage our feelings, our emotions and our thinking and sometimes we got lost and we need a guidance to lead us to the right track. And im glad you found us so that we can support each other. I know that you have a good career now, maybe setting a goal might help you? or as for me, i am looking forward to teach for free at one of the foster house at my area and i set it as my goal and try to complete it. Helping others and can help us feel better too, who knows, by doing this you will feel good about yourself. But this is just a suggestion. I hope things are looking up for you, do take care and be well

dandelion

[crybaby1086]

Hi there DaybyDay. I think maybe if you are feeling burnt out by work you should try something outside of work to help you unwind. Some sort of hobby, physical activity or volenteer work. Anything to take your mind of your troubles and stressors and put it on something you enjoy. I personaly love to run. I wears me out physically so I can sleep and I have been getting better rest. It always makes me feel better.

[shatteredhopes]

I can't add much to what the others have said...but welcome to the forum. I once was married, good job, good family relationships, pets, seeming everything was okay, but kept attempting suicide. Just didn't want to be part of the world. So you are not alone. Sometimes depression doesn't have a specific reason, it just is. Sometimes it does have triggers that start or exacerbate it, and often things we do can help a bit...like a hobby or volunteering or excercising and eating right, etc.

Its good you are no longer relying on booze, because while it can give a temporary lift, ultimately alcohol is a depressant...so it can make things worse.

Is there any possible way you could take a long lunch once every other week to see a therapist nearby? Or maybe there is a support group that meets at night?

Have found this site very useful to vent with those who understand and many care enough to provide supportive words. So again, welcome.

Wishing you light and peace in your day...

[Mich]

Welcome to the forum. I cannot add to what the others said...their wisdom is wonderful. I just wanted you to know that I was reading and appreciate you sharing your story here. There are many of us in the same boat here that will reach out to support you. Wishing you a good day.

[DaybyDay]

Thank you for all the nice replies with suggestions. I will try a few and keep moving forward.

[crybaby1086]

Hey Daybyday. That is all you can do and the best thing you can do. Keep moving forward. I'm going to add a little horse logic here and you can take from it what you will. A horse cannot buck, rear, kick out if he is moving forward. Again, just a thought for you to chew on.