Trying to solve the root issue of my depression

[cfinbn28]

Some quick background on me:
2 years ago I started to catch feelings for an old friend, when one night she snapchatted me and she was crying, I asked her what was wrong and she didn't want to tell me, which was odd because we had become close friends. I messaged one of her roommates the next day and told her to check on my friend, and when she did my friend was unconcious on her floor, they called 911 and she was taken to the hospital. When she woke up the doctor told her that if her roommate hadn't of checked on her for even just 2 more hours there was a high chance she wouldn't of survived (she had taken almost a whole bottle of sleeping pills). Her roommate then told me that she wouldn't of checked on her until much later in the day if I hadn't messaged her, and when I finally got to talk to my friend she told me that I was the one who had saved her life. After this she decided to take the following semester off of school, and a few months into that I asked her to dinner, even though I knew it was a long shot, she said yes and that it sounded perfect. But whenever I tried to set a date for it, she couldn't make it, then eventually she just didn't respond to me. Fast forward to now, it's been 2 years since she nearly died and I haven't even seen her since then, I care about her and I worry about her, and whenever she posts something thats slightly bad I throw myself into a panic attack, not knowing if she's okay or not. Every time she's back in town she texts me and tells me we have to hangout, but so far this summer she has blown me off 4 times now....and I don't understand why, not being able to see her is driving me crazy and fueling my depression. But I feel awkward about texting her and telling her this, but on the other hand I feel like I'm going to be a lot better mentally after I see her again....I guess I'm just looking for suggestions on what to do, I've tried to get over her multiple times but I just can't.

[derkderk]

I'd first recommend understanding your caring and efforts to help rhymes perfectly with a parent (you) with a child having a child in the same condition as her. Other than that, her being so close to death must have magnified how you feel. Also assuming the attempt of suicide was indeed purposeful, she struggles staying together as all severely depressed/anxious/bipolar/etc. A very hard thing to do is to keeping schedules and being consistent. Take this forum for instance. For people like me (depression/bipolar) it is satisfying to have something that will always be there during times of need. Also, people that are primary caretakers must be exceptionally steady and available.

I'm unsure of your ability to have contact with her, or her availability with you, but with the understanding I laid out I would suggest keeping contact (text, social media message, anything) is priority number one. Keep the contact going, no matter how small. Show your available to help if she indicates trouble.

Although, it is good for you to determine if she is one that accepts help or if she just continues her path regardless of better/healthier options. I had a Gf in high school that would constantly self deprecate herself no matter what I or anyone else would say otherwise. It happened so much that I had to leave her and ignore her and her friend's contesting because I finally saw she didn't want stop talking about herself that way.

[Spleefy]

Hi cfinbn28,

Perhaps just mediate on it. Think it through (but don’t OVERthink it). I do that in my own life when I need to resolve issues. Try to look at the situation more objectively rather than emotionally.

Might be time to put your hard hat on and do a little digging (not too deep otherwise you'll OVERthink and make the situation more complicated) by asking yourself questions, such as: why can’t I move forward in my life? Why is it “driving me crazy not being able to see her?” Why do I feel awkward expressing how I feel to her? "What is it about her that I can't stop thinking about?"

Because of your friend’s near death experience—and your role in saving her—would you say that you feel somewhat responsible for her life or well-being?

Perhaps find a way to overcome your awkwardness in contacting her.

What I find helpful in situations where I am anxious about something is to just act before I think. I know this is the opposite of what we are taught, which is to think before we act. We should definitely do that, but in situations when thinking stops us from acting on something, then we need to just do it!

It’s something that my father taught me as a pup. He would tell me to “stop thinking about it and just do it”. He would say that the more you think about it, the more you will talk yourself out of it. Furthermore, by the time you finish thinking about it, you could have already acted on it and got it done already.

That’s pretty good advice, which I try to apply in my own life. It doesn’t always go down that way, but it has got me out of situations where my hesitancy was impeding progress.

At some point, we all need to just leave the past where it belongs. I know this is not always easy, but sometimes we just need to do what we need to do, regardless.

A scripture that helps me when I find myself hanging onto the past is Proverbs 4:25:

“Your eyes should look straight ahead, yes, fix your gaze straight ahead of you.” In other words, focus on the future and not the past.

You can’t force a friendship or relationship with her. There could be any number of reasons why she has “blown you off”, perhaps for reasons that are nothing to do with you.

However, what you do have control of is to keep a warm place in your heart for her and just “fix your gaze straight ahead of you.”

If she wants to hang out, I’m sure she’ll text. You can always text her once in a while to check up on her. Let he know you are thinking of her, and that you are there any time she wants to talk or catch up. Maybe offer to take her out for a coffee or lunch. Perhaps if you persist she will "give in" and accept your offer.

I hope you will find peace.

[athena.vhd]

hi cfinbn28.
first of all i have to tell u thats very nice of u to care about someone this much.
u have to make her sure that ur always in touch and she can talk with u everytime she needs.
then give her some time and space ...maybe she needs to solve some problems herself.
if i had such a good friend like u i would feel better!