Morning depression and pen cuts

[Sadinatura]

I'm starting to notice a pattern... A not so good pattern to be specific. This entire week I've had morning depression but then by 3rd period of school, I am usually fine/ok. I have no idea what is making me this way, I've been refraining really difficult to not hurt myself but I know it's coming soon. I've done a trick I use where I draw hard on myself with a pen where I want to cut and it kind of help, but I've found myself doing that every night. Is that bad? I mean it's kind of good that it's not permanent, I like how if it's a ballpoint pen it leaves marks still where the lines were after I washed it off. It still leaves marks but isn't permanent.

[cheeroo]

It's good that you're using alternatives to self-harm, but be careful because even alternatives can be dangerous. I find that I'm less likely to cut if I put all that negative energy into something less destructive like writing, drawing, or little distractions like games or walks. When you're drawing on your skin try to make it into a piece of art, something pretty that you wouldn't want to touch. I can also recommend rubber bands and placing ice cubes on your wrists (this both slows your heart rate and also creates a nondestructive pain.
I really sincerely hoped some of this helps you. Don't give up hope. The harder you push the stronger you'll be

-hannah

[She Wrote]

I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. There is hope and it is inside of you. I believe you are a fighter and you will be victorious over the depression that continues to stalk you and the need to harm yourself. Is there anyone you feel close and comfortable with that you can begin sharing what you are feeling? This could be the beginning of your freedom. You are an amazing, beautiful, talented and kind person who should be living in happiness and peace. Please reach out to someone. It might be scary at first, but it will be the best thing you ever did... please trust me. I do care... <3

[Sadinatura]

Thank you Hannah and She Wrote. I'll try those things you both recommeded, maybe. I like your aternatives Hannah. Thanks. -Inatura

[Jtw]

I don't use medication, with the exception of alcohol (not recommending that) but I do control my depression with exercise. I do a daily high-impact routine that chases the shadows away. I don't think you're going to find short-term relief in creative activities but they will help to provide a longer term sense of expression.
You have strong emotions that are channelled very negatively towards you and you need to vent them daily. Hard physical work is a way to do that. You also need a way to express the feelings so you can start to recover your identity. I write and It helps! Anything that lets you take the mental image of what you're going from and express it in the outer world will make you feel better

Good luck

[Sadinatura]

Thanks Jtw, I guess that may be a reason why I've been physically fighting my friends playfully but enjoying it but the thrill and relief of it, I need to find some alternative, I just can't work so hard to run because it hurts my lungs because of the elevation I live. I've been writing and it helps, and been getting into meditation as well.
-Inatura.

[Jtw]

Writing is awesome for me, it vents the daily frustrations. I like riding my motorcycle, it gives me an enormous sense of freedom but it's almost impossible where I'm living now. Writing is my only real outlet so I've thrown myself into it.
Exercise works, I was in a bad place last Friday but going home and pushing myself took the edge off and helped me get back some emotional equilibrium.
Want to share some writing?

[Sadinatura]

I dont know. If you do will you pm it to me?